Patience is a Virtue
by Pokeyshadow
Summary: An accident changes Neal. For now this is complete though I may fill in the blanks later.
1. Chapter 1

Ask Neal how much he remembers and he'll say nothing.

Ask Peter how much he remembers and he'll tell you everything though he doesn't want to talk about it, nor does he want to think about it.

He can tell you on that day Neal was impatient as they walked to a small café after a boring morning going through files. Neal was walking ahead as Peter took his time, enjoying a sunny break in the week long period of thunder and lightning.

Peter remembers the screeching tires as the car veered around the corner and he'll never forget the look on Neal's face when the car hit him. Peter ran to his friend, and he knew it was bad as Neal lay motionless with blood pouring from his nose and mouth.

Neal spent a week in ICU with his skull open as they allowed his brain to heal and waited for the swelling to go down. The doctors refused to give a prognosis, only stating that no two brain injuries were alike.

Peter remembers the first time Neal squeezed his fingers on command and the day his eyes opened. As soon as he was stabilized and his survival no longer in question Neal was moved to a rehabilitation center and his therapy started immediately.

From the beginning they were hard on Neal as he struggled to regain skills we all take for granted. And he was emotional, and he would get upset easily…June and Elizabeth took it in stride and comforted Neal when needed, but Peter would walk away…until one day he entered the room to find Neal crying uncontrollably in Mozzie's arms. Peter figured if the little man could handle it, so could he and he did his best; Peter spent the most time with Neal and he always knew when Neal was getting frustrated and sure enough, the tears would come. The doctors said this was normal and would lessen as time passed, but Neal had to complete the task no matter how long it took.

After two months Neal was allowed to go home and Peter put together a rotation so he was never alone. On those days that Neal wanted to be left alone, there was always a place to sleep in June's mansion.

At three months Neal wanted to go back to work but the doctors felt it was too soon and the stress would do more harm than good. Peter knew he wasn't ready but Neal wouldn't listen to him and after one emotional outburst he agreed to abide by the doctor's decision. The fact that Peter talked to the doctors ahead of time and that it never crossed Neal's mind only solidified Peter's point that Neal wasn't ready yet.

So Neal decided he would only wear suits, even if he couldn't work. Only problem was he couldn't put his tie on and no matter how many times Peter showed him, Neal insisted it was wrong and the morning ended with Peter yelling, Neal crying and both on opposite ends of the apartment…each trying to calm down. Neal had apologized first and asked Peter to call Doug Braden. It took Peter a few minutes to recall that Doug was an agent in the terrorist division and after Peter questioned Neal, the younger man had explained that Doug always wore European suits and he would know how to correctly put on a tie. Peter had to laugh and roll his eyes; only Neal would remember something like that. It took a few phone calls and a final awkward one before Doug agreed to come over.

Peter stood in the background and watched intently as Doug repeatedly and calmly showed Neal how to tie his tie, until something finally clicked and Neal was able to do it himself. It was at that point that something clicked in Peter also and he realized that Neal might never be the same but he was determined that Neal would regain his life, even if things were more difficult.

At work the next day Peter took Doug to lunch to thank him and learned that Doug had a son with Down's syndrome and he learned early on that patience was the only way to teach him.

At four months, Neal was beyond bored and frustrated to the point he started taking walks during the day, and Peter spent most of the day tracking his anklet and calling him, worried that Neal would get lost or get himself in trouble on his own. He talked to Hughes who agreed that Neal could work from home so Peter brought files for Neal to go through. The first day he stayed with Neal and he was pleased to see Neal's mind was still there, though he definitely tired more easily.

At five months, Neal was allowed to go back to work, though on a limited basis. Peter sat in the car and waited because Neal insisted he wanted to get ready on his own and demanded that Peter not come into the house. Peter checked his watch and shook his head. Neal was late but Peter knew he was worried about the first day back.

They had had a long talk the day before on Neal keeping his emotions in check and he knew the younger man was worried that he would lose control and Peter would get angry. Peter finally convinced him that it wasn't about anger, that it was ok for Neal to cry in private and cling if he needed to but it wasn't acceptable in the work place and he would have to learn how to console himself inwardly and not let his composure fall.

Peter checked his watch and decided Neal had two more minutes before he would go in. Just as Peter was turning the car off, the front door opened and Neal walked out, casually heading towards the car, looking impeccable as usual.

"Morning" Peter said as Neal slid in.

"Hey." Neal mumbled before fumbling around with the seat belt.

"You ok?"

Neal shrugged as he leaned back and settled his eyes out the window. Peter glanced worriedly at Neal before pulling out into traffic. At the next red light he noticed Neal's thumb twitching. It had started shortly after Neal woke up when he was nervous or upset and it was something Neal couldn't control and the doctors couldn't explain. Peter had taught Neal how to tuck the thumb in to keep it hidden until the twitching had stopped. But he didn't this time and Peter knew this was Neal's way of showing how he felt. Peter reached over and gently grabbed Neal's wrist and massaged the errant thumb eliciting a small sigh from the man beside him.

"Neal" Peter said as he parked the car. "If you start to get upset today tell me you're thirsty and go to the bathroom and I'll come find you and we'll deal with it together. Is that ok?"

Neal nodded though he made no effort to leave the car.

"Neal, you're ready for this and you can do it. It's time to take your life back." Peter got out, walked around and opened the passenger side, and held his hand out. Neal glanced up and smiled weakly before taking the offered hand that hauled him upward.

"Thirsty" Neal mumbled as they entered the building, trying the safe word out.

"Neal." They had taken only two steps out of the elevator before they were mobbed as agents greeted Neal as if he were a long lost friend. Peter felt Neal tense beside him but after a few handshakes and friendly hellos he relaxed and they made their way towards his desk.

"Who did this?" Peter glanced around and then back at Neal's desk, decorated with balloons and a welcome back sign. Diana shrugged as she clearly eyed Jones as the culprit.

"Hope you like cake for breakfast" Diana said as she pointed towards the meeting room. "We have an hour to celebrate before work" she added as the two men glanced at each other.

"Works for me" Peter said, smiling. "Just don't tell Elizabeth" he quietly added to his partner.

"Tell me what?" Peter spun around to see his wife nearing him.

"I'm here for Neal's welcome back party" she answered before Peter could ask.

"Caffrey!" Only one man bellowed like that and they turned to see Hughes walk up.

"Welcome back son." He took Neal's hand and gripped it warmly. "Peter, you have one hour and then business as usual."

"Yes sir. Ok everyone, let's go celebrate." Peter watched the crowd pile in and then turned to his friend who stood nearby.

"You ok?" Peter asked for the second time that morning.

A small smile spread across Neal's face. "Never better" he answered, grinning. "Let's go before the cake is gone." Peter watched him walked away, looking as normal as ever. Peter knew they had trying times ahead of them, but for now, the world was right again.


	2. Chapter 2

**NOTE: I have decided to expand on this but it will be random stand alone chapters that jump around in time…hopefully not confusing anyone.**

* * *

Peter used his key and called out to his partner as he entered Neal's apartment.

"Not here suit" said the unmistakable voice of Neal's quirky friend. Peter neared Mozzie and eyed the chess set on the table.

"How's he doing?" Peter asked as he studied the game board.

"Better." Mozzie shrugged. "He can find the right move but he doesn't see the whole board and he can't foresee my moves ahead of time." Mozzie chuckled. "Beating him doesn't have the same excitement as it used to."

Peter nodded in agreement. Neal was so much better but too many times there were reminders that he wasn't the same and he may never be.

"Where is he?"

"June needed his help. They'll be back soon."

Peter grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat down at the table. He was never a chess player but it said a lot that Neal was still able to grasp the game.

"Suit, do you think he's ready?"

"He has to be" Peter answered. "The doctors say he is and that's good enough for the Marshalls."

"And if he can't handle it? What then?" Mozzie didn't have to elaborate. It was the thought on all of their minds since the accident.

"He's not going back to jail" Peter said as he placed the beer can down.

"How can you be so sure? Short of hiding Neal…" Mozzie paused as he saw the look Peter gave him. "You're willing to risk your freedom to keep Neal out of jail?"

Peter remained silent as he looked away, knowing some things were better left unsaid. He had thought about this often and he knew he would do anything to keep Neal out of prison. As Neal was, Peter didn't believe he could last a week without having a breakdown, he wasn't mentally strong yet and the other prisoners would sense that immediately.

"Mozzie, we don't have to think about that right now. He can do the job and that's all we need to worry about."

The door opened and the man in question walked in.

"Peter, what are you doing here?"

Peter stood. "I thought we could get some ice cream…"

"I'm not hungry." Neal glanced from Peter to Mozzie, arms crossed defiantly. "Peter, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong." Peter sighed as he neared his partner. "When we talked earlier, I didn't think you understood the importance of tomorrow so I thought we should talk about it more."

Neal looked at Mozzie. "Moz, tell him we have to finish the game."

"No." Mozzie stood, shaking his head. He had learned soon after the accident to trust Peter's judgment where Neal was concerned. "Neal, we can finish the game tomorrow. Go get some ice cream, ok?" Mozzie sneaked out before Neal could put up much of a protest.

"Let's go." Peter gently pushed Neal towards the door. "If you're not hungry, you can watch me eat."

* * *

As Peter predicted Neal couldn't turn down the ice cream once it was placed before him. It was his favorite food after he woke up and it was something Peter could use as a reward after a taxing day. Peter quietly ate his scoop of mint chocolate chip while watching Neal devour his hot fudge sundae.

"Neal", Peter said as he pushed his empty dish to the side, "are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Maybe" Neal admitted as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"What are you nervous about? You've been working at home for the past month, and it won't be any different."

"Yes it will."

"Neal, you can do it." Neal glanced downward at his left hand and quickly tucked his thumb in, hoping Peter didn't notice.

"Neal, please don't." Peter watched him struggle with his emotions and not for the first time, wondered how Neal was going to handle a high stressed job.

"Use your coping skills" Peter gently said.

Neal looked at him, desperately trying to hold the tears in. "I'm trying to imagine you in your underwear" he said with a weary smile.

Peter laughed. "You're watching way too much TV." But he was pleased to see Neal quickly calm down and regain his composure.

"Peter, we both know what will happen. I can't do something and I get frustrated and I start crying and then you get angry…"

"I don't get angry."

"Yes you do."

"I don't" Peter insisted.

"You do."

"Fine." Peter took a deep breath. "Maybe I do but it's not at you. It's at the situation and the fact that I can't help you."

"But you do and you have been since the accident and you'll figure out a way to help me at work. Peter, I can't go back to jail can I?"

"No, you can't." Peter lied. "I won't let you" he added with as much conviction as he could muster. "Neal, you'll do fine at work and you're right, I'll figure out a way to help you. I promise." That seemed to satisfy Neal for the moment and he quietly finished his sundae.

"Peter." Neal glanced at his friend.

"Yeah?"

"Sometimes I wish my memory was gone and I couldn't remember how I was."

"Neal, you're still you… trust me on that. Are you finished?"

Neal nodded.

"OK, let's get out of here."

* * *

Elizabeth walked downstairs and found her husband sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a glass of water.

"Peter, its 2am. Why are you up?" She really didn't need an answer as she had listened to her husband toss and turn all night, mumbling about Neal.

"Sorry I woke you" Peter said as he glanced upward. "I still don't think Neal gets it."

"Peter, he gets it. Telling him over and over that he can't cry on the job is just going to make him more worried and more upset." Elizabeth sat and gently took her husband's hand.

"Peter, he's not as different as you think he is. I know things are more difficult but he still has the same likes and dislikes and he's still smart and we both know how much you like smart."

Peter sighed. "But he gets upset so easily…I thought he'd get better by now."

"He is getting better. Peter the doctors said it could take a year and it's only been five months. Think about when he first woke up…"

"I'd rather not" Peter quickly put forth.

"Peter, give him a safe word, just like we have. He can use it if he needs to and you'll get him out of the situation."

Peter smiled. "You're a smart woman. Now I know why I married you." They stood together and headed upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Peter fidgeted as he leaned against the wall, watching his partner sleep. It had been three long days since they had stopped the sedation and allowed Neal to wake up. The doctors had tried to prepare them but no one expected Neal to be as agitated as he was. They talked to him, they squeezed his hand and finally Elizabeth managed to wriggle around all the tubes and climb onto the small hospital bed, and she held Neal until he calmed down. It was apparent from the beginning that Neal knew who he was and recognized those around him. He even managed a small smile when Peter joked about Neal being too close to his wife.

Medically he was doing well. He was breathing on his own and his head was healing nicely. Even the bruises were starting to fade and Neal was beginning to look like himself. Emotionally it was a crap shoot and they were never sure how Neal was going to react and they were always on their toes when he was awake.

Mostly Peter longed for the answers no one could give him. Would Neal recover and be the man he was? Peter had grown fond of the ex-con and without hesitation would call him his friend and he wanted his friend back as well as his partner.

So lost in his thoughts he hadn't realized that Neal was awake until he heard a quiet moan from the bed.

"Hey Neal." Peter approached the bed as Neal searched the otherwise empty room.

"Elizabeth has to work all weekend so it's just us tonight" Peter explained as Neal continued to look around. This was the first time that Peter had been alone with Neal and Elizabeth knew he had been putting off the inevitable and felt this was the perfect opportunity to get his feet wet. Peter felt otherwise but in the end he knew Elizabeth was right and he couldn't avoid Neal forever.

"Neal, calm down." Peter's voice rose and that only caused Neal to become more agitated and he tried to pull the IV out of his arm. Peter quickly pushed the nurse's button and did his best to keep Neal from harming himself. Peter stepped back as the nurse rushed in and quickly took control of the situation.

"Neal, look at me." She placed her hands on his face and forced Neal to focus on her. "You're in the hospital and you're fine. Take a deep breath and try to calm down." A few minutes later she approached Peter who was standing near the door, mentally planning his escape route.

"Stay in his sight and don't move around too much. He's still having trouble focusing and he gets confused and agitated when he thinks he's alone. Also, don't raise your voice."

Peter could only nod and once again he found himself alone with Neal and a feeling of utter helplessness when it came to dealing with his friend. He knew Neal was watching him and he had no idea what to do. He glanced at his briefcase and then back at Neal.

"Neal, do you want to help me catch some bad guys?" Peter spoke quietly as he picked up his briefcase and approached the bed. He pushed the tray over the bed and placed his briefcase down, pulling out a couple of files. Peter cautiously sat on the bed, each movement slow and deliberate as he did his best not to startle Neal. Peter opened the file and glanced sideways, watching Neal's reaction. The younger man reached over and traced the pictures that were clipped in the file.

"You remember, don't you?"

Neal seemed to nod yes and brought his leg up, checking the bare ankle.

Peter sighed, hoping that one day Neal would again need the tracking device.

"This guy is right up your alley" Peter said as he spread out the forged bonds. "We can't find him but we will get him eventually."

It wasn't long before Neal leaned against Peter and fell asleep. Peter leaned back against the pillow and grabbed the remote, turning the TV on. He muted the sound and found a news station that had closed caption. Neal would probably sleep until dinner time and then the fun would really begin.

* * *

Peter moved the chair into the corner and sat where he'd be out of the way as they prepared Neal for dinner. They moved swiftly with brain injuries and soon after Neal was awake they had started him on feeding therapy to see if he could eat or if a feeding tube was necessary. Every meal brought in a nurse, a nutritionist and a therapist and an array of foods in different colors and textures. They encouraged Neal to feed himself and worked with him on using a fork, though occasionally they would bring in finger foods and those were the easiest for Neal to eat. Elizabeth jumped right in to help the first time until Neal found something he didn't like and spit it out all over her. Peter couldn't help but laugh until Elizabeth shot him a dirty look and after that they both stayed out of the way.

After the first day meals were less dramatic and they quickly logged in what he did like and the calories he took in. Peter's respect for these professionals grew immensely as he listened to them carry on a conversation with Neal as if nothing was wrong, even though Neal had yet to utter a singer word. He did understand and he followed orders and he beamed when given praise. Peter picked up his newspaper and tried to read but he mostly kept an eye on his partner; he was amazed that Neal could be charming even in this condition. The meal was done in record time and the nutritionist left, returning a few minutes later with a small scoop of ice cream. They had quickly discovered that Neal liked ice cream, any flavor would due, and they used this as a reward if Neal ate well with minimal issues.

"Would you like to help him?" Peter's head shot up as he put the newspaper down surprised that the nutritionist was standing in front of him.

"Would you?" she asked again. Inwardly he screamed no, he didn't want anything to do with feeding his friend but meekly Peter nodded yes. Ice cream was the one thing Neal couldn't eat on his own; if he managed to get it on the spoon it would spill off before he could get the spoon to his mouth. And since this was a reward, they felt it was ok to feed him and let him enjoy the treat without any drama.

The room quickly cleared out and Peter dragged his chair over until he was seated across from Neal. He placed the dish on the tray and scooped up some ice cream and offered it to Neal. But to his surprise Neal shook his head and wouldn't open up his mouth.

"Neal, what's wrong? Are you full?" Neal reached for the spoon and grabbed it out of Peter's hand and the ice cream went flying across the room, surprising them both. Peter prepared himself for a crying fit but Neal surprised him and instead, he tried to scoop up some more ice cream. Peter instantly understood as he watched Neal, knowing that his friend was as uncomfortable as he was in this situation. But he also knew that Neal wasn't physically able yet so he reached down and grabbed Neal's wrist, steadying it in the process.

"Nothing wrong with a little help" Peter said as he provided the anchor Neal needed in order to get the spoon to his mouth. It took a little longer and Neal was sweating by the time the ice cream was gone, but he was also smiling as Peter helped him back in bed.

The evening was free of therapy so Peter settled in his chair and turned the TV on, flipping until he found a movie that they both might enjoy.

* * *

Nighttime had proven to be the worse and the main reason Neal's friends were taking turns staying at the hospital. Peter shifted uncomfortably in the chair as Neal's hand rested heavily on his head. Neal was asleep and would stay that way until the morning unless Peter moved and they lost contact. Elizabeth had learned the hard way when she needed to use the bathroom and Neal woke up screaming. It was a balancing act, a mental tightrope they were all on, but Peter hoped in the end, it would be something they could talk and laugh about, a distant memory faded in the past.


	4. Chapter 4

Neal slid into the booth and immediately began to study the menu, knowing that Peter was watching him. He was having trouble sleeping at night and it was beginning to show on his face and in his actions and Peter knew, though Neal did his best to hide it. He wasn't hungry and nothing caught his attention so finally Neal tossed the menu aside.

"Not hungry?" Of course Peter was staring at him. He knew the agent meant well but sometimes it was hard working under his scrutiny especially since the accident.

Neal shrugged as the waiter placed two glasses of water on the table. Neal reached for his glass but Peter got to it first and pushed it away.

"Are you sure that's a good idea with your hands shaking?"

"Peter, don't." Neal took a deep calming breath as he glanced across the room, avoiding Peter's gaze.

"Neal, I was with you when the doctor said how important sleep was." Neal refused to look at Peter and when the waiter returned Peter ordered a sandwich for Neal and a bowl of soup for himself. At the last moment he also ordered a soda, knowing a straw would come with it.

"Neal, you've been short tempered the last couple of days and your work is suffering and I'm not the only one who has noticed." That caught Neal's attention and he sighed deeply.

"Am I going back to jail?"

"No! Neal, that's the last thing any of us of want." Peter shrugged. "I don't get you. After everything we've been through I thought you trusted me enough to be honest with me." Peter's voice rose in anger and he briefly covered his face with this hands. He could hear Neal's rough breathing and the last thing he needed was a meltdown in a public place.

"Neal, I'm sorry. I'm not angry with you…" Peter paused as the waiter approached with the food.

"Please eat something." Peter placed the straw in the water and moved it closer to his partner. They sat in silence as neither ate. Peter glanced down at his soup that had congealed and turned cold and back at Neal, who continued to stare out the window.

"Neal, are you ready to go?" The ex con nodded slightly. Peter paid the bill and they took the sandwich with them.

It was a slow Friday and Peter knew they were done for the day, the next part he wasn't so sure about and it took a few blocks before he could broach the subject.

"Neal, do you want to stay with us for the weekend?" The Friday traffic was heavy and Peter kept his eyes on the road, but he heard an audible sigh from the man sitting beside him. "It might help you sleep better." It was apparent from the beginning that Neal had trouble being alone, and though he had learned to adapt, Peter knew that was still an issue with his partner, even though Neal never talked about it and would suffer in silence, rather than ask for the companionship he needed.

"Neal?" At the next red light Peter glanced at his friend. "Should we go pick up some of your stuff?"

"Yeah" Neal answered quietly, before returning his attention outside the window. It was a small victory and Peter smiled to himself as they headed towards June's mansion.

* * *

"Peter, get up." Peter groaned as he snuggled closer to his wife and the groan grew louder when she pushed him way. "Peter, Neal is downstairs. Go make sure he's ok."

"He barely touched his dinner. He's probably getting something to eat." Peter tried pulling the blanket over his head but his wife wouldn't let him.

"You know he never went to sleep and I know you've been listening to him pace, just like I have." Peter rolled his eyes as he turned his back, knowing it was true.

"Peter, you need to go talk to him."

"And say what?" Peter sat up and eyed his wife. "Nothing I can say is going to change anything."

"Then talk to him" Elizabeth insisted. "Peter you know him better than anyone."

Peter chuckled. "I'm not sure anyone knows the real Neal Caffrey." Sighing, he grabbed a pair of sweats and quickly dressed. "El, I know what's wrong with him. At work, things that used to be so easy for him…well, he struggles. I ask a question and I immediately look at Neal waiting for the answer because he always knew the answer and now…sometimes he does know it but others will answer first and I'll glance his way and he just looks defeated."

"Peter, he's so much better than he was and you know it."

Peter shrugged. "I can tell him about the early days when he couldn't feed himself and wore diapers."

Elizabeth smiled despite the sad memories. "No, I don't think that will help the situation. Peter at the very least, sit with him and maybe we can all get some sleep."

Shaking his head, Peter grabbed his robe and headed downstairs, immediately finding Neal in the kitchen. The younger man looked up from the sandwich he was eating as Peter entered the room.

"Glad to see that sandwich didn't go to waste" Peter commented nonchalantly.

"Sorry, I woke you" Neal mumbled between bites.

"You didn't." Peter sat down next to his partner. "Elizabeth thinks I should talk to you."

"About what?"

"Well, we can start with the basics. Why are you suddenly having trouble sleeping?"

"Maybe I was just hungry."

"Neal, cut the crap and be honest with me." Peter shot up and got himself a glass of water and a few cookies handing one to Neal.

"Peter, I'm starting to remember things and I don't know if they're true or now."

"Like what? The doctors didn't think you'd remember the first few weeks after the accident."

Neal shrugged as he finished the cookie and accepted another one from Peter. "Was I really on the roof of a building, threatening to jump?"

"You remember that?" Peter sounded astonished. "Do you remember how you got up there?" Peter laughed, though he rather forget that time. "Neal, you had to pick two locks to get on the roof and no, you didn't want to jump. That was your first night at the rehab and they wouldn't allow anyone to stay with you and you went looking for us…they quickly changed their rules after that night."

"Oh" Neal mumbled with his eyes downcast.

"Neal, what else do you remember?"

"Bit and pieces" he admitted.

"Do you remember spitting your food out at Elizabeth?"

"I didn't, did I?"

Peter nodded. "I got a good laugh out of it."

"Is Elizabeth mad?"

"No, she's fine and I get the impression something else is bothering you. Neal, tell me the real reason you can't sleep."

Neal glanced at the agent with tired, bloodshot eyes. "I don't know" he admitted somewhat reluctantly. "It's quiet and I'm alone and I think too much and I worry…."

"About what? Neal what are you worried about?"

"Everything" Neal whined as he pushed the remainder of his sandwich away. "I'm a brain damaged ex-con. What happens if I make it through my sentence? Do you pat me on the head and wish me well? Peter, even if I wanted to go back to my old ways, I don't think I can fool anyone anymore. What am I supposed to do?"

Peter's eyes narrowed with anger as he listened to his friend's lament.

"Do you think so little of me?" he began quietly, keeping the anger out of his voice, watching Neal's reaction. "Do you think I'd dump you on the side of the road like a piece of garbage?" Neal recoiled slightly though he had the decency to shake his head no.

Peter rubbed his tired eyes. "Neal, I'm only going to say this once. You will have a place to stay, food to eat and a job, I promise you that. And if you try to go back to your old life, you will find yourself in a worse situation than jail."

"What's worse than jail?" Neal asked.

"A twenty-four hour babysitter" the agent replied, before adding "And I promise you the sitter will not be of the young female variety."

"Oh" Neal gulped noticeably.

"Neal, can we try to get some sleep and we can finish this conversation in the morning?"

The ex con stood and placed his dish in the sink before walking upstairs with Peter in tow.

"What are you doing?" he asked when Peter followed him into the guest room.

"My wife would like to sleep tonight and that's only going to happen if you sleep."

"Peter, I don't need this anymore."

"And I disagree. Get undressed and get in bed." Peter turned to give Neal a few minutes of privacy and when he heard the bed creak, he pulled the recliner closer and grabbed the extra blanket from the foot of the bed. Neal was burrowed under the blankets with his back to Peter, obviously not pleased with Peter's planned vigil.

"I know you're not happy with this but Neal you need the sleep." Peter settled his hand lightly on Neal's head and waited for him to fall asleep.

* * *

"Peter!" The agent opened his eyes to see his wife crouching over him. With a slight moan he stood and followed her into the hallway.

"How'd it go?" Elizabeth asked.

"He slept through the night" Peter responded as he tried to stretch out the kink in his back. "Think I'm going to need a chiropractor from sleeping in the chair."

"You're a good friend." Elizabeth reached up and kissed her husband. "Sorry I have to work today but it's an important banquet."

"I know" Peter said. "Once sleeping beauty awakens, we'll figure out something to do today."

"I'll let the dog out" Elizabeth said as she headed for the staircase. "Bye hon" Peter whispered before returning to Neal's room. He settled back in the chair and listened to Neal's even breathing, falling back to sleep soon after.


	5. Chapter 5

"I have never been so angry in my life" Elizabeth barked as she tossed her purse on the sofa and turned to face her husband, arms crossed defiantly. "How could they make us leave?"

"El, they have rules."

"And why are you so calm? You saw Neal, he was hysterical and we left him…"

"We had no choice." Peter glanced downward, at the red marks on his wrist from Neal's grasp.

"Why did we choose that place?"

"It's the best rehab in the city." Peter heard a whimper and turned to see Satch peeking around the corner.

"Come here boy." The dog hesitated briefly before trotting over to his master. Elizabeth was still fuming as she paced the room. "Elizabeth, we'll go back in the morning and Neal will understand…he will." Peter tried to erase the scene from his mind but it would be a long time before he forgot…Neal crying and clinging to him as they were asked to leave for the night.

"Peter, you know people. Can't anyone help us?" Elizabeth's anger had turned to despair and she didn't have the energy to hold the tears back.

"Elizabeth, I don't…not for this." Peter held his hands up in defeat before pulling his wife close and allowing her to cry on his shoulder, struggling to hold his own tears in. "I'm ok." Elizabeth backed away and rubbed at her eyes. "Maybe it was too soon" Elizabeth whispered with a slight hitch.

"The sooner they start rehab the better chance of recovery." Peter knew he was just repeating what the doctor had said.

"Peter, are you hungry? I can go make dinner."

Peter shook his head. "I need to call Jones and see how things are going." Hughes had been very liberal with Peter's work schedule, allowing him to spend as much time with Neal as possible.

"Peter, I'll make something light. Skipping dinner isn't going to help the situation." She walked towards the kitchen with the dog in tow.

* * *

Peter shot up from the sofa and searched the darkness until he found his phone.

"Hello?" Only half awake, it took a minute to register that it was the rehab center and the call was about Neal. "I'll be there shortly" he mumbled as he turned the light on and glanced at his watch. It was after midnight and he didn't want to wake Elizabeth, so he quickly wrote a note, grabbed his shoes and ran out the door.

"How could this happen?" Peter was met at the door by the night manager and they quickly made their way to the elevator.

"I don't know sir. He was in his room and then he was gone and we found him on the roof." Peter stared at him. "You let patients have access to the roof?"

"Of course not" the man huffed, flabby arms flailing in mid air. "There are two doors leading to the roof and they're always locked. I don't know how this happened." He was sweating profusely as they entered the elevator and Peter had to turn his back, to hide the slight smile playing on his face.

"And why is he still on the roof?" Peter asked sternly, poker face back in place.

"He's too close to the ledge and he backs away when we try to near him." Peter could only shake his head in disbelief. Neal had been walking for only a few days but he was slow and unsteady and he couldn't fathom the amount of strength it took for him to get to the roof. The elevator reached the upper floor and from there they took the stairs to the roof.

Unsure of what to expect, the scene Peter walked into was almost comical if not for the danger he knew his friend was in. Neal was leaning heavily against the ledge as his eyes darted around, seemingly looking for an escape route. He was surrounded by five workers standing still; all aware that one false move and their patient might stumble over the wall.

"Neal, what are you doing?" Peter kept his voice low and unassuming as he slowly approached his partner. "Can we go back to your room?"

"No!" Neal waved his arm as if he were swatting a fly and Peter stopped; apparently Neal was still upset over being left alone. "Go away." Neal's vocabulary was simple but his point was well made and Peter was suddenly wistful for the few weeks when the ex-con was silent.

"Neal, I'm not going anywhere without you." Peter took another step forward eyeing Neal the whole time. "What are you doing?" he asked again.

"I…you…" Neal shook his head as he searched for the right words.

"Take your time" Peter encouraged as he inched closer to his friend.

"I find…you…home." Neal emitted a deep breath as he bit down on his lower lip frustrated that he couldn't explain himself.

"Were you planning on going home?" Peter asked, trying to piece the words together.

"No." Neal pointed at Peter. "You…home" he added and Peter finally understood.

"You were going to my house, right?" Peter was now standing next to Neal and he pulled the younger man away from the ledge and gathered him close.

"You're ok Neal." Peter hugged him briefly.

"Neal, you're going back to your room and I will stay with you, ok?" Peter heard the manager clear his throat and Peter turned.

"Don't say a word" he ordered. "I will deal with you later."

* * *

Peter was angry and the man seated behind the desk was stubborn and unyielding in regards to the rules that he insisted must be followed. He had left Neal in his room and again he promised he would spend the night and Peter wasn't about to break that promise. So against his better judgment Peter did something he never thought he would…he would use his position with the bureau for personal gain. Peter whipped his badge out and flashed it at the manager.

"You have two choices" Peter began with his most authoritative voice, waving the badge. "You allow someone to stay with Neal until he adapts to this place or I will launch an investigation into what happened tonight." Peter felt a little guilty as he watched the man squirm in his seat.

"A patient who was barely mobile a few days ago managed to get through two locked doors to reach the roof. I don't think that' something you want to get out, do you?"

"No, not really" the manager replied meekly. "I'll take care of it."

"Thank you." Peter bowed slightly before exiting.

* * *

"Do you really think he did that?" Elizabeth asked after Peter had explained what happened.

"I do" Peter replied as he stared at the man in question, still sleeping soundly after an eventful night. "There's no other explanation how he got out there. El, keep this to yourself…they don't need to know about Neal's skills."

Elizabeth eyed her husband. "You sound happy about this. Peter, he could have been killed."

"I know." Peter sighed deeply. "El, he's still in there. I know it's going to be difficult but he's still Neal."

Elizabeth reached up and kissed Peter lightly on the cheek. "Fine dear, but I could live without any more excitement. I need to go to work but I'll meet you for lunch, ok?" Nodding Peter watched her leave before sitting down near the bed.

"OK Neal" Peter quietly said as he lightly touched the sleeping man's hand, "you got your way this time but it's only going to get harder and I expect you to cowboy up." Peter laughed as he imagined the look Neal would give him right now.


	6. Chapter 6

"What's wrong with you?" Mozzie stared at his friend, who sat across from him with a chess board between them. Neal still got distracted at times but today was worse than normal and this was the third time he didn't find the right move.

"I'm bored" Neal admitted as he pushed the chair back and stretched his legs. "Peter watches every move I make and he won't let me do anything besides read old case files."

"Have you talked to him?"

"No." Neal stood and strolled over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. "He's been sick this whole week and made it clear he wanted to be left alone." Neal took a swig of the clear liquid. "The last case I could have done…it should have been me but Peter said no." He sighed deeply. "Doesn't help that I still stutter when I'm nervous" Neal lamented as he tossed the empty bottle into the trash.

"Neal, he's trying to protect you…"

"Since when do you back Peter?" Neal countered harshly.

Mozzie shrugged nonchalantly as he filled his wine glass. "Since you almost died and I've watched him take care of you."

"Mozzie, I'm better and he won't acknowledge it."

Mozzie eyed him. He was better but he wasn't the same and it was still difficult to deal with this new version. There were things Mozzie noticed that he wasn't sure Neal was even aware of. It wasn't just the stuttering, it was the hesitation when he tried to find the right words, or even the right move in a game Neal's been playing for years. His thumb shook uncontrollably and at times the whole hand would follow.

"Stop staring at me" Neal spit out.

His temper Mozzie silently added to his list as he watched Neal storm away. Mozzie was about to follow when Neal stopped to pull his phone out.

"What is it?" Mozzie asked after the short conversation as Neal turned to him.

"That was Elizabeth. Peter's in the hospital."

"Let's go." Mozzie pushed his friend towards the door.

* * *

Neal, are you sure you can do this?" Diana quickly connected the bug.

"I can do it."

"Peter won't be a distraction?"

"No!" Neal emphatically answered. "He's out of the hospital and he's doing better. Nothing will distract me, I promise."

"Caffrey!" Neal turned as Hughes approached him. "Keep this in your pocket." Hughes handed him a small pen like device. "If you get too nervous push the button and Jones will come in, ok?" Neal nodded as he placed the device in his pocket. He knew he was breathing a little hard but he was more excited than nervous. It was a first meeting and all he had to do was convince this guy he had the missing painting. The next meet would be more nerve racking but Neal wasn't worried about that one yet, he had to get through this first.

"Time to roll" Diana said as they neared the elevator.

* * *

"Hey Neal" Elizabeth greeted when she opened the door. "Come in." Neal followed her into the Burke's home.

"How's Peter?"

"Sleeping" Elizabeth replied noting the disappointment that crossed Neal's face.

"I was hoping to talk to him…work wise" Neal explained.

"Neal, is it something he might worry about?"

Neal shrugged and then nodded.

"Please don't. He needs to concentrate on getting better and not worrying about work or you, ok?"

Neal nodded.

"But you can talk to me. Are you hungry?"

"A little" Neal admitted as they headed towards the kitchen. He was more than a little Elizabeth thought as Neal gulped down two helpings of the stew she had made for dinner.

"Neal, how's work?"

"OK, I guess." Neal had decided not to tell Elizabeth what he was doing. "When's Peter coming back?"

"Maybe in a week or two" Elizabeth answered, frowning. "I've never been as scared as I was that night" Elizabeth quietly said. "He couldn't breathe and there was nothing I could do but wait until help got here." She shuddered. "I thought it was just a cold and Peter never said anything about a fever, but I should have known."

"It's not your fault…I didn't know either." Neal drank the rest of his soda and dropped his fork, full at last.

"Well, I don't care how much he protests, he's getting a flu shot." Elizabeth quickly cleared the dishes.

"Sure you don't want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"No, I'm good." Neal stood and gave Elizabeth a small peck on the cheek. "Thanks for dinner and tell Peter I said hi."

* * *

Peter entered the bureau with a mixture of trepidation and excitement. He wasn't supposed to be back until Monday so the few who turned his way looked surprised to see him as Peter walked towards his office. He scanned the room for his team but was surprised to see no one.

"Peter, what are you doing here?" Peter turned to see Hughes approaching.

"I thought I would get some paperwork done." Peter shrugged, knowing how sheepish his answer sounded. Truth be told, he missed the place and his co-workers. He never thought he had the flu and when it turned into pneumonia he truly thought he was going to die.

"How do you feel?"

"Better." Peter answered, smiling weakly. "Don't have my strength back but I figure I could sit at my desk for a few hours. Where's Neal?"

"Reese, where is he?" Peter asked bluntly, when his boss hesitated.

"He's on a case" Hughes stated simply, before walking away.

"Wait." Peter rushed after his boss and followed Hughes into his office.

"He's sitting in the van right?"

"Not exactly" Hughes admitted, arms crossed. "Peter, he's undercover…"

"What?" Peter leaned forward against the desk, bracing himself. "He's not ready…"

"He is" Hughes insisted, mirroring Peter's stance. "You can't protect him forever and we've been very careful and so far, Neal has handled it just fine." Hughes straightened. "Today, we get our man and starting Monday, you can go back to being the mama bear, if you truly feel that is best."

"I'm not…" Peter began and then paused, shaking his head in disbelief. Sighing he glanced at this watch and then back at his boss. "What time does it go down?"

"Shortly" Hughes answered. "Peter, I'll let you know as soon as Diana checks in." Peter continued to shake his head as he walked towards his office, quietly muttering to himself. He did protect Neal but not like that…not like that he silently repeated as he sunk into his chair.

* * *

"Neal, take a breath and calm down." Ten minutes until show time and Neal was white as a ghost and shaking, especially his hands.

"Neal, you can do this." Diana covered Neal's hands with hers and gently massaged; something she had seen her boss do on numerous occasions, though she wasn't sure Peter was even aware he was doing it.

"Neal, do it just like we've practiced and it will be over real soon. Jones and I will be listening and if anything goes wrong, we'll rush in. Now take a deep breath." Neal followed orders and in less than five minutes he had himself under control.

* * *

Peter dropped the pen and all pretenses of doing work. Neal was fine, he knew that from Diana's phone call but he was anxious to see his friend and to see for himself that he was ok. He heard laughter and looked out his office window as Neal entered along with Diana and Clinton. Neal was laughing and animated and Peter couldn't remember the last time he saw Neal like this. Suddenly it hit him…Neal was laughing right before the accident…and Peter eyes widened; had it really been that long since he saw Neal happy?

Peter was still staring when Neal glanced his way and their eyes met and slowly the smile left Neal's face as he rushed towards the office.

"Peter!" Peter stood and accepted Neal's warm embrace. "What are you doing here?"

"How are you?" Peter countered as he studied the younger man.

"You know" Neal said and it wasn't a question.

Peter nodded. "Are you ok?"

"We got him." Neal beamed.

"Let's grab some lunch" Pete suggested, "and you can tell me all about it." Neal's smile faded once again as he glanced out the fish bowl. "We were going to go celebrate" he said, pointing towards Diana and Jones. "You can join us if you want."

"No." Peter sat again. "Come over for dinner tonight, ok?" Neal nodded as he grabbed the door. "I'm glad you're back" he said before leaving. Peter watched him go, and for the moment the old Neal was back, strut and all.

* * *

"El, am I too protective?" Peter asked his wife as they sat at the kitchen table. Dinner was long over and Neal had fallen asleep on the sofa.

"I haven't seen him like this in a long time" Elizabeth said, shrugging slightly. "But he almost took a nose dive into the lasagna" she added, grinning. "As much as he wants to be his old self, I don't think his body can handle too much stress. Peter you have the hard part, but you'll figure it out."

"Back to the tightrope" Peter muttered, thinking back to the weeks after the accident.

"Are you driving Neal home?" Elizabeth asked as they stood over him, watching him sleep peacefully.

"No, let him stay." Peter yawned, as he eyed the dog. "Satch, stay down here" he quietly ordered before they headed upstairs.


	7. Chapter 7

Come on Neal, what's wrong Peter wondered as they heard nothing come out of the consultant's voice. Neal had seemed off the whole morning and Peter had wanted to cancel the meeting but he didn't…suddenly they heard a gasp and the suspect telling Neal he was going to die.

"Go! Go!" Agent Burke ordered as his team rushed into the building. "Drop your weapon." Peter's voice held a noticeable edge as he aimed his gun. "Drop it now." Peter's arms were steady and his eyes never left the target. "Do it or I'll shoot." The fact that the suspect's gun was pointed at Neal's head only added to the tension in the room.

"It's an easy decision" Peter quietly said, hoping to calm the desperate man. "Put the gun down and we all walk out of here alive." It seemed like an eternity but in reality only a few minutes passed before the gun aimed at Neal was lowered and the suspect was swarmed.

"Neal, are you ok?" Peter grabbed his partner's shoulder but Neal wouldn't look at him. Peter was called away and when he turned to find Neal his friend was gone.

"Jones, start tracking Neal's anklet." Peter glanced at Diana who stood nearby. "Let's go clean up the mess so I can find Neal and deal with him."

* * *

"Neal, I'm coming in." Peter gave a courtesy knock before entering the apartment with his key. Neal was seated on the sofa and didn't move as Peter approached him.

"Can you tell me what happened today?" Peter sat down next to his friend.

"Sorry" Neal muttered as he leaned back heavily.

"Neal, I don't want you to apologize. You need to tell me what happened." Neal turned his way and Peter realized how pale he looked.

"Are you feeling ok?"

"No." Neal shook his head. "Started…last night…can't keep anything down…no sleep…" Neal struggled with every word and he closed his eyes with a deep sigh.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Peter asked as he reached over and placed his hand on Neal's forehead. "Not too warm" he stated, as Neal shook beneath his touch. Peter lowered his arm and reached across Neal's chest, finally resting his hand on Neal's shoulder with a gentle grip. Peter long ago had stopped questioning the relationship he had with Neal.

The con man had weaseled his way into the Burke's lives long before the accident and since then it had turned into something else, though Peter wasn't one to put his feelings into words. He had gone to court soon after the accident to become Neal's medical proxy and no one had questioned his decision. He and Elizabeth had spent every free moment helping with Neal's recovery and no one batted an eye; it seemed the outside world already knew what had taken them longer to figure it out…Neal had somehow become part of their family.

"Neal, I want you to come home with me…Elizabeth would kill me if I left you here while you were sick."

Neal only managed a nod but it was more than Peter thought he would get and a strong testament to how lousy he was feeling. "Sit tight for a few minutes while I put together an overnight bag."

* * *

One night had turned to two and when Neal wasn't getting any better Peter decided to drag him to the doctor. They had figured it was the stomach flu but what had worried them the most was the other symptoms that were cropping up, the shaking and the inability to string words together and most frightening… the same mental confusion that seemed to surround Neal right after the accident.

"Hey!" Elizabeth sat down next to her husband. "At least he's sleeping" she whispered as she leaned against Peter.

"Did he cry?" Peter asked with memories of the night before still etched in his mind.

"No." Elizabeth shook her head. "He seems better and more alert. I wish the doctor had answers for us."

In Peter's opinion the doctor visit had been a waste of time… and the advice nothing more than they already knew; rest and drink plenty of liquids. Why Neal was having the other symptoms was a mystery and one the doctor couldn't explain. He did feel that the illness was the main cause and assumed as Neal felt better, the other things would disappear.

They had been told from the beginning that brain injuries would cause issues for the rest of Neal's life and though it sounded cliché, one day at a time was the best method of operation.

"Peter, you sleep tonight and I'll stay with him, ok?"

"Ok." Peter stood with a yawn, worn out from the previous night.

* * *

Neal opened his eyes with a slight moan as he shielded his face from the sun glaring through the window. He turned his head and stared at Peter, sleeping sideways in the chair, mouth hanging open and snoring.

"Peter!" Neal called his name twice and when the agent didn't wake he took a pillow and threw it at him.

Peter sat up and stared towards the bed, surprised to see Neal awake and watching him.

"You were snoring" Neal said to explain the pillow now sitting on Peter's lap.

"How do you feel?" Peter asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

Neal sniffed the air. "One of us badly needs a shower" he commented much to the delight of the agent.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because you sound like yourself" Peter answered as he moved from the chair to the edge of the bed.

Neal's eyes widened with confusion. "Peter, why are you sleeping in my room?" He glanced around. "Why am I at your house?" Panic set in and Peter laid a calming hand on Neal's chest, talking softly until Neal settled down.

"Neal, you've been here for four days, mostly sleeping. You had the stomach flu and it seemed to exasperate the effects of your head injury."

"Why?" Neal pulled away from Peter's touch and sat up slightly.

"The doctor's not sure. He feels your body overcompensates from the brain damage and so when it had to fight off the virus it got all out of whack." Peter shrugged. "You need to be honest with me when you're not feeling well so we can prepare for what might happen."

"It's always going to be there, isn't it?"

"Neal, I can't answer that. I don't think anyone can." Neal seemed devastated by the answer and Peter wish he could reassure him that things would be better, but he didn't know, no one did.

"Neal, I'll put a chair in the shower for you ok?" Peter walked out hoping a shower and something to eat would help Neal.

* * *

Peter sat at the table and nursed his coffee as Neal finished off his eggs and dry toast.

"Neal, eat the banana, it's good for your stomach." Peter was glad to see his appetite return but he still seemed sad by the turn of events.

"Peter, am I back to reading old files?"

"No, I don't think so. As long as we know what happened we can control it." Peter leaned forward, finger pointing at the ex con. "If you ever go undercover feeling sick again you will be so buried in the file room they will need shovels to find you, understand?"

Neal smiled, as he plopped the last of the banana in his mouth.

"I have some errands to run. Feel like getting some fresh air?"

Neal nodded as he stood gingerly. "Give me five minutes and I'll be ready."

"OK Quasi" Peter said as Neal walked away, hunched over with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.


	8. Chapter 8

Peter walked into the ICU and tapped his wife's shoulder, motioning for her to follow him.

"Peter, what is it?" Peter led her to the small waiting room outside the ICU.

"Nothing's changed" he assured her. Neal was stable…as stable as you could be with your brain exposed and breathing on a vent.

"What did the doctor say?"

"There's going to be some tough decisions coming up and Neal needs a voice to speak for him." Peter paused to gather his thoughts.

"El, the doctor asked me about Neal's family and I told him what I know…"

"Which is nothing" Elizabeth interrupted with a weary smile.

"Right." Peter rubbed the back of his neck, aching from doing nothing but sitting, though sometimes he tried to count the tiles in the ceiling.

"After explaining our relationship with Neal, the doctor asked if I wanted to petition to become Neal's medical proxy."

"OK." Elizabeth nodded. "I think it's a good idea, don't you?"

Peter looked away, unsure if his wife understood the magnitude of this decision.

"Peter, what's wrong?"

"El, no one can tell us what the future holds for Neal. If we do this, we could be making a lifetime commitment…anything less wouldn't be fair to Neal."

"Peter, he trusts us…"

"That's debatable."

"If we don't do this, who will?"

Peter shrugged. Neal needed to be in the system so he knew that eliminated Mozzie. June would do what she could but at her age, she wouldn't be around for as long as Neal might need her.

"Peter, can you walk away?" It wasn't a difficult question and Elizabeth already knew the answer. Gently she took her husband's hand.

"We will be here for Neal as long as he needs us."

Peter nodded, and emitted a small sigh as if he were holding his breath. "I have a lawyer's name. I'll go call him and see if he can help us." Elizabeth held it together until her husband walked away and then she allowed the mounting tears to spill over… she knew how deeply Peter cared for the ex-con and the idea that Neal would never get better was not something she was ready to consider.

* * *

Elizabeth leaned against the wall, silently wiping the tears from her eyes. Neal was cocooned in his blankets, mostly quiet after an hour of crying, though an occasional sniffle signaled he was still awake. Elizabeth knew this would be hard…they had been warned numerous times by the doctors and therapists…but she never expected it to hurt this much watching Neal struggle with such simple tasks. And she couldn't imagine how hard this was on Neal or how much he was aware of what was going on.

Elizabeth took out a small mirror and checked her right cheek, still sore and red from Neal hitting her. He was more agitated than usual and she tried to calm him down and he lashed out and caught her with a pretty decent left hook; he looked shocked afterwards and that had started the worse crying spell she had experienced. The doctors had wisely decided that Neal was in no condition to continue for the day and they left him alone…and left Elizabeth to deal with something she had no clue how to handle. A few times she had tried to talk to him but he only burrowed more under the covers and finally she gave up.

Sighing she glanced at her watch; it was nearly five and she knew Peter would be there shortly. He was taking the night shift and Elizabeth was concerned how he would handle the fact that Neal had hit her.

* * *

The instant Peter walked in he knew something was wrong; Elizabeth was seated near the window and she didn't bother to look up from the magazine on her lap and Neal, well he assumed his friend was the lump underneath the blankets on the bed.

"Hon?" He neared his wife and she looked up, silently shaking her head to keep Peter quiet. Elizabeth quickly stood and grabbed her husband's arm, pulling him towards the door.

"He didn't mean it" Elizabeth said as Peter gently touched her cheek. Quietly she explained what had happened and Neal's actions since and the whole time Peter's face remained a blank slate but Elizabeth could see the vein bulging in her husband's neck as he processed what she told him.

"Peter, you can't blame him…"

"I don't." Peter took a deep breath as he walked two steps away. "I'm angry with the situation and the idiot who was in such a hurry he didn't see Neal…" Peter turned to his wife. "El, you can't get too close when he's like that…he can't control himself and you're not strong enough to hold him down." Peter didn't want to tell his wife that this wasn't the first time and it took all of Peter's strength to keep Neal still until he calmed down.

"I should go home and feed Satch" Elizabeth said when there seemed to be nothing else to say. "Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?" Peter nodded. "Yes, it's a date" he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. He leaned over and kissed Elizabeth gently on her cheek.

* * *

Peter paced in front of Neal's door, occasionally looking in on the lump that didn't seem to move. He was angry and he was trying to calm himself before confronting his friend…though he knew there was nothing he could do or say. It wasn't Neal's fault but when it came to Elizabeth, he had issues keeping his anger at bay. A few minutes passed before Peter decided a course of action and he walked to the nurse's desk to run his idea by them.

"Hey Neal" Peter said as he pulled the covers down and exposed the top half of his partner. Neal tried to turn away but he didn't have the strength and Peter easily settled the ex con on his back so he could see Neal's face. He knew they had cleaned him up less than an hour ago but his nose was still running and his face was a mess. Peter grabbed a tissue and wiped his nose. He took a towel and wetted the corner in the bathroom and quickly and efficiently cleaned Neal's face, all the while talking softly to him, and willing his own anger away.

"Sit up for me buddy." Peter helped him up mindful of the one IV that was still attached to his right arm. "We have an hour before dinner so how about we go for a ride ok?" A few minutes later a nurse entered with an orderly and Neal was unhooked from the IV and helped into the wheelchair. Peter grabbed his backpack and followed; the destination was an old lounge that Peter had stumbled upon one day…it was quiet and had a nice sofa and lots of sun shining through the window. Once Neal was settled on the sofa and they were alone, Peter sat down next to him and dug around the backpack and brought out a few comic books. He had discovered by accident that Neal was fascinated by the words and the pictures in a comic book and it didn't matter how Peter read it.

"A new Batman comic" Peter announced as he opened the first one. Neal leaned over until he was resting comfortably against Peter and could easily see the pictures. He traced his finger over the captions as Peter read aloud and the agent was certain Neal was reading too.

"Wait" Neal said as Peter was about to turn the page. Peter tried to react as normal as possible, though Neal's words were few and far between. He waited while Neal traced a longer caption and then a picture of Batman as he captured the villain.

"Can I turn the page?" Peter asked when it seemed Neal was finished.

"Yeah" Neal answered as his head drooped against Peter's chest. Peter read aloud for a few more minutes until he was sure Neal had fallen asleep. Although Neal tired easily, actual sleep was another story and Peter assumed the earlier outburst was because he had slept little the night before and was overtired. Peter glanced at his watch; they had another forty five minutes before the nurse would return and Neal had to go back for dinner.

* * *

"Peter, how are you?" Peter looked up as his favorite night nurse entered the room.

"Good" he answered as she checked her sleeping patient, moving an unruly piece of hair from his forehead. Peter liked her because she was efficient and caring and had been there a long time, so she could tell Peter what to expect.

"I heard about today. How's your wife?"

"OK." Peter shook his head. "I think his behavior scared her more than anything. Neal was not a violent man…"

"He still isn't" the nurse insisted. "Peter, I've seen a lot of brain injuries and outbursts are normal and they may never go away." She walked out and Peter followed.

"Gladys, how is he doing? I need the truth and we don't get much from the doctors." Gladys smiled, knowing how true that was.

"Peter, he's doing well for someone only awake for a week. I've seen many patients with his injury and most go to rehab wearing a helmet to protect their brain." She sat behind the desk and pulled out a file. "The fact that they've already closed his head is a good sign that the brain is healing and the faster it heals, the less chance of long term damage."

"But will he be the same?"

"Completely…probably not." She saw the look that crossed Peter's face and smiled reassuringly. "Peter, he's young and in good health and he's doing a good job with all his therapies. Give him time and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much ground he gains." She poured two cups of coffee and handed one to Peter.

"Thanks" Peter muttered before taking a sip. It was after midnight but Peter never slept at the hospital in case Neal woke up and needed him.

"Peter, time and patience" Gladys encouraged as Peter took his coffee and headed back to Neal's room. It had been a good evening and Neal had worked hard and Peter was encouraged by his progress but it always seemed with one step forward, they took two steps back and he was already dreading what tomorrow might bring.


	9. Chapter 9

"Peter, how much longer?"

"Neal, sit down and keep quiet." Neal hated the van but today was worse than usual and the smell was awful and he knew he couldn't last much longer.

"Peter…"

"Don't." Peter glanced at Jones who was manning the camera. "Have they made the deal yet?"

"No" Jones answered, as he kept his eyes on the target. Peter moved to the front of the van to get a better look but also as an excuse to get away from Neal. He knew how much Neal disliked the van but his patience was wearing thin with his partner's whining.

"Not much longer" Peter said, as he glanced over his shoulder.

Neal loosened his tie but it didn't help and he couldn't breathe. He stood and reached for the rear door.

"Boss!" Diana turned just in time. She nudged Peter and pointed towards the back of the van.

"Neal, stop." Peter lunged for his partner, knocking them both to the floor.

"Let go." Neal struggled as Peter fought to get a better hold on him. "Please…" Neal pleaded, breathing rapidly against Peter's chest.

"Deep breaths" Peter whispered as he held Neal close to him. "It's almost over" Peter adding, hoping it was true. "Jones, anything?"

"Not yet." Jones turned in his seat. "Peter, what's the call?"

Peter couldn't let a month of work go down the drain, though it was hard to ignore the man shaking in his arms. "Keep watching" he ordered as he tightened his grip on Neal. "Calm down, it's almost over" he said quietly, rubbing the back of Neal's head.

"Boss, I think he's hyperventilating." Diana searched the front of the van until she found what she was looking for. She quickly emptied the contents of the paper bag and handed it to Peter. "Have him breathe in this." With a grateful nod he grabbed the bag and maneuvered it over Neal's face.

"Neal, breathe" he encouraged as Neal desperately fought for each breath.

"Jones, anything?"

"I see him" Jones announced with an audible sigh of relief.

"Get the deal in pictures" Peter ordered, "and once they leave, we'll get out of here."

"Boss, we can get them today."

"No." Peter eyed Diana with a weary smile. "As long as we have the evidence, we'll get them."

* * *

"Peter, what happened?" They were nearing the bureau and Peter was still seated on the floor with Neal lying limply against him, eyes open but unfocused.

"I don't know" Peter answered and he didn't. It had been over a year since the accident and Neal was doing so well that Peter had stopped watching his every move; did he miss something? He searched his memory but Neal seemed fine. He still had an occasional outburst but for the most part he was able to calm himself without any intervention.

"Peter, we're back" Jones announced as he pulled into the garage.

"Park near my car" Peter said. "Diana, please call Elizabeth and tell her what happened and I'll call her later. Keep this quiet for now, ok?" Peter watched them leave and then turned his attention to the man in his arms.

"Neal, you need to get up." Peter nudged him into a seated position. "Are you ok?"

"No."

Peter had to laugh at the honestly. "Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"Just take me home…Please." Peter eyed his partner. "OK, but I'm staying with you tonight."

Neal shrugged as if it was a given that Peter would stay the night. Peter jumped out of the van and held his hand out, helping Neal as he climbed out, still unsteady on his feet.

* * *

Peter woke up and realized it was still dark and noticeably colder in Neal's apartment. He glanced towards the bed and it was empty.

"Neal?" Peter sat up and saw that the balcony door was open, hence the cold air flowing in. He quickly put his socks on and headed towards the balcony. He saw Neal leaning over the edge, gazing outward.

"Are you planning on jumping?" Peter asked as he neared his friend. Neal didn't answer as Peter leaned over, mirroring his friend's position.

"Neal, its a little cold to be out here dressed as you are."

"Go back in…I'm not stopping you."

Peter bristled slightly at Neal's tone. "Neal, what happened today wasn't the first time, was it?"

"No" Neal admitted quietly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Peter asked harshly, unable or unwilling to hide his anger. Sighing, Neal shook his head, shuddering as the winter wind blew fiercely.

"Neal, I'm not getting sick and neither are you." Peter tugged at the younger man's arm and it didn't take much persuasion to get Neal to go back inside.

"Put this on." Peter tossed Neal his robe.

"I've thought about jumping" Neal said so quietly Peter hoped he had heard wrong.

"Peter, I don't want to die" he added as an afterthought.

Suddenly wide awake Peter grabbed a couple of glasses and a bottle of vodka, knowing sleep was no longer an option.

"Sit" Peter ordered as he poured a small amount of alcohol in each glass. They sat in silence as neither touched their glass.

"Neal, did you mean what you said?" Peter had no idea how to broach the subject and the sullen man sitting across from him wasn't helping. "Neal, what is going on? You seemed to be doing so well…was it all an act?"

Neal looked away, though his actions spoke louder than words.

"Why?" Peter asked, truly perplexed.

"You get to spend weekends with your wife" Neal began in a quiet voice, "and June is back to travelling" he added, with his eyes lowered. "It was time everyone resumed their lives."

"Not at your expense" Peter spit out. "Neal, look at me" he ordered. "Please Neal…"

Neal complied and Peter was shocked to see how vulnerable and tired he looked; suddenly it dawned on Peter that Neal might be right…normalcy had felt so good maybe they had missed the signs.

"Neal, I'm sorry if Iet you down…" Peter paused as he took a deep breath. "We made a commitment to you after the accident…"

"Why?" Neal asked, eyeing his partner. "Why are you willing to go so far for me? I'm nothing more than a criminal who made a deal to get out of jail. Why do you care so much?"

Ah, the million dollar question Peter silently lamented as he wondered how to explain to Neal something he didn't understand himself. He had often had this conversation with Elizabeth and neither could recall when Neal had become so important in their lives... so Peter decided Elizabeth's explanation was the best.

"Neal, you're family plain and simple. Please don't ask me to explain, just accept it, ok?"

Peter watched a myriad of expressions cross Neal's face before the ex-con settled for a weary smile, nodding slightly.

"Your turn" Peter stated firmly. "Tell me what's going on."

"Everything is so hard" Neal said, with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "I have to concentrate all the time and...and I'm just tired." Peter reached over and ran a comforting hand down Neal's arm. "I can't imagine what you're going through...but I do think it's time you talk to someone about how you're feeling." It was a conversation they've had in the past and it always ended with Neal insisting he didn't need any help.

"OK" Neal said, much to Peter's surprise.

"OK then" Peter countered before grasping Neal's hand. "Neal, you need to promise me something. If you ever think about jumping you call me...anytime of the day."

Neal didn't trust his voice so he just nodded, as his eyes focused downward.

"Do you think you can sleep?"

Neal shook his head no.

"Let's go see what's on TV." Peter said as he guided Neal towards the sofa.

* * *

Peter stared at the muted TV with a glass in one hand and the other hand lightly grasping Neal's ankle. Neal had been wrong...he had curled up on the opposite end of the sofa and fallen asleep within five minutes, though Peter assumed his presence had something to do with Neal's ability to sleep. Peter, on the hand, knew he couldn't sleep. His mind wandered back to the accident and the meetings with the doctors and the statistics that were thrown at them and he swore then that Neal wouldn't become a statistic.

Peter made it his mission to see that Neal got his life back and he pushed, sometimes too hard, to assure that it would happen.

And now, over a year later, Peter felt they were back at the beginning. Physically Neal was so much better but at what cost? Peter wondered if he had pushed him too hard and he just wasn't ready to resume the life that Peter wanted for him. Neal still had a year left on his sentence and Peter was adamant that jail was not an option.

Peter took a swig of the jarring liquid and swirled it around in his mouth. He would give counseling a chance and if that didn't work...Peter wasn't ready to look beyond.


	10. Chapter 10

As Peter headed towards Neal's room he was in a slightly better mood than he had been three hours ago, thanks to a long hot shower and breakfast with his wife. Surprisingly, Peter had the most patience when dealing with Neal, something he would never have imagined before the accident.

He had difficulty with the crying spells so he left those to Elizabeth and June and... Mozzie... well, he had seen evidence that the quirky man had visited Neal but as always, Mozzie snuck in and out on his own terms.

So it was an awkward moment when Peter walked in to find Mozzie holding an upset Neal in his arms. Strewed on the floor were pieces of a child's puzzle so it wasn't hard to figure out what had happened.

Mozzie looked his way and it was obvious he was as uncomfortable as Peter would be in this situation, and momentarily Peter thought about turning around and giving them a private moment.

"Suit...stay" Mozzie called out, as if he were reading the agent's mind.

So Peter stayed and he took a step closer to the bed, bending down to scoop up the puzzle pieces.

"Neal, are you ok?" Hearing Peter's voice caused the ex con to burrow harder against Mozzie and the bald headed man threw Peter a dirty look, though he kept his left arm around Neal and continued to talk softly.

"Come on Neal." Peter reached across the bed and untangled the two men. "You're ok" Peter said as he settled Neal back in his bed, and he missed the relieved look on Mozzie's face as he stood and straightened his shirt. Peter heard the little man's footsteps as he quickly left the room but he didn't bother to turn...Peter had good news and he was determined Neal was going to enjoy the day.

"Neal, do you want to finish the puzzle?"

"No" Neal answered defiantly as he pushed the table away.

Peter's first instinct was to make him finish but he wanted Neal in a good mood.

"Neal, you have a day pass today" Peter stated as he handed Neal a tissue. "Let's get you cleaned up and dressed and you don't have to be back here until tonight." If Neal understood he didn't let on as Peter helped him get ready.

It was only when he saw the wheelchair that Neal started to protest.

"Sorry buddy, but the parking lot is too far. I promise we'll leave it in the car." That seemed to satisfy Neal as Peter wheeled him down the hall and out of the building.

* * *

"El, he's just sitting there."

"I know." They both stood in the doorway, and stared at Neal as he sat on the sofa, clutching a pillow to his chest and staring blankly at the TV.

"Maybe it was too soon" Peter suggested as Elizabeth went back to preparing lunch.

"Peter, it's just a day and he's earned it. He's been working so hard and you know it."

"He doesn't say anything."

"Keep him company until lunch is ready." Elizabeth put her spatula down and pushed Peter towards the living room.

Peter casually strolled closer to his friend but Neal didn't flinch or look his way. Peter didn't need the doctors to tell him how different Neal was...all he had to do was look in Neal's eyes. The spark was gone and the few times Neal would make eye contact Peter saw nothing; as if the windows to his soul had closed that day.

"Hey Neal, what are you doing?" Neal turned slightly towards Peter's voice but he didn't answer, though that didn't surprise Peter.

Neal could talk and he would answer if forced, but he rarely strung more than a word or two together and Peter could count on one hand the times that Neal had initiated a conversation.

Peter eyed his laptop sitting on the cocktail table.

"Neal, do you want to play a game?" Peter grabbed the laptop and sat next to his friend, quickly logging in to the computer.

"It's a simple word game" he explained as he opened it up. "You have to figure out all the words but you need the longest word to move to the next level. Here, sit up straight."

Neal seemed interested as he glanced at the screen and watched Peter type in a word.

"Go on Neal, you can do it." Peter watched as the younger man tentatively typed in a word and hit enter.

"Good job" Peter encouraged, undeterred that it was a three letter word. Peter settled back and grabbed the remote, looking for a game. He kept one eye on his partner who was quickly getting through each level and made a mental note to find more word games for him.

"Peter." The agent glanced sideways, surprised to hear his name.

"Help..." Neal mumbled as Peter leaned over. Neal had managed to get to the highest level, something Peter hadn't done yet, but he couldn't find the longest word. Peter studied the letters for a few minutes but he wasn't in the mood to put much of an effort into it.

"Neal, let's forfeit and it will tell us the word."

"No." Neal grabbed the laptop and glared at the screen.

"Lunch is ready" Elizabeth announced, music to Peter's ears.

"Neal, it's time to eat. Let's put this away for now." Peter braced himself for the inevitable breakdown but it never came. He saw Neal reach for a pen and piece of paper and slowly he copied the letters down. Writing was still hard and Peter had to stop himself from grabbing the pen and helping his friend.

"OK" Neal said as he closed the laptop; the other way to end the game. "I'm hungry" he stated as he stood and walked towards the kitchen, leaving a befuddled Peter behind.

"Works for me" Peter quietly muttered to himself, as he followed.

* * *

"You enjoyed that didn't you?" Peter sounded angry but the smile on his face told Neal otherwise as the ex-con continued to laugh. They had been late getting back to the rehab and the night nurse wasn't happy and let Peter know it, much to Neal's amusement.

"Keep laughing" Peter said as he pulled out a pair of pajamas and tossed them at Neal. "Change and get in bed. I'm going to get some coffee." Outside the room, Peter approached the desk to apologize again to the young lady, but when she looked up, Peter was surprised to see she was smiling.

"You did that on purpose" Peter accused.

"I haven't heard Neal laugh since he got here" she countered. "I think today helped him immensely and I'll push the doctors for more passes. But" she held up a stern finger, "I am a stickler for being on time so remember that next time."

"Yes ma'am" Peter said, clearly chastised but feeling better than he had in regards to Neal's psyche. By the time he returned to the room Neal was in bed with the laptop but unable to figure out Peter's password.

"Give up, you won't guess it." Peter grabbed the device and logged in, then handed it back to Neal.

"Enjoy "he said as he flipped the TV to a basketball game. He glanced towards the bed and Neal was totally engrossed in another word game, slightly biting down on his lower lip as he concentrated on the letters.

The nurse had been right Peter surmised. This day had done wonders for everyone especially Neal.


	11. Chapter 11

"I want...to go." Neal paced the small room, stopping every few steps to catch his breath. "Peter..."

"No."

"But..."

"Neal, no and stop asking." Peter stood with his hands on his hips and glared at his partner. He was angry at receiving the phone call, especially during an important meeting. And then to find out Neal had tried to leave the grounds alone. Peter took a deep, calming breath...he knew it was a mistake to tell Neal they were talking about a discharge date.

"Do you really think you're ready to leave?" Peter gently pushed Neal into the chair before the young man fell.

"I hate...Peter please." Neal stayed seated for exactly one minute before he was up and back pacing. He was a bundle of nerves and energy and he didn't understand that physically he was still weak and Peter didn't want to get into his emotional state.

"Neal, what is so bad about this place? I know you've charmed every woman around you."

"I don't get to be alone." Neal glanced Peter's way.

"Do you think you'll be alone at June's?"

"Not... the... same."

Peter glanced at the chart on the wall and noticed Neal had a two hour break between therapies. "Neal, do you want to go out and eat lunch?"

"No!"

Peter wasn't surprised, considering Neal still had trouble using utensils properly. "How about going back to my place and we'll make a couple of sandwiches?"

"No." Neal walked over to the window and stared out. He didn't notice when Peter stepped out to make a quick phone call.

"Let's go for a walk" Peter suggested as he approached the younger man. Though still spring, they were having summer like weather and Peter thought some fresh air might do Neal some good.

"Do I have a choice?"

Peter smiled. "No, you don't. Put your shoes on and let's go."

They stopped at the front desk so Peter could check him out properly and then headed outdoors. Neal walked at a slower pace so Peter altered his steps not to get too far ahead. In so many ways Neal looked and acted like the man he was before the accident but if you knew him well, you saw the differences and Peter noticed them all. He tried to ignore the shaking and the stuttering and Neal's inability to control his emotions but it wasn't easy.

"I want to go...in." Neal whined less than five minutes into their walk.

"I thought you wanted out" Peter countered, his anger showing through his controlled tone. Neal made eye contact, trying to gauge how upset Peter was.

"You don't understand" Neal spit out angrily before walking away.

No, he didn't understand what Neal was going through and he couldn't imagine how his friend felt knowing what he was now compared to how he was before. Peter shot a sideways glance towards the parking lot, hoping Elizabeth got there sooner than later.

* * *

They sat on a bench together, Neal pouting and Peter checking his watch every few minutes, willing his wife to show up. Finally he heard a familiar bark and turned to see Satch bounding towards them.

"Hey boy." Neal lowered himself to his knees as the dog jumped into his arms.

"I owe you" Peter said as he met his wife with a quick kiss and took the bags she was holding.

"Neal, go play with him for a few minutes and then come back and eat." Elizabeth spread the blanket out and sat down with her husband, as they watched Neal walk away with the dog.

"He tried to leave today" Peter explained, "because he wants to go home." Peter grabbed a turkey sandwich and took a hungry bite. It wasn't his favorite but considering how much Neal hated his usual sandwich, it was probably for the best that Elizabeth didn't bring them.

"Maybe he's ready" Elizabeth suggested as Neal threw the ball and waited for Satch to retrieve it.

"I'm not sure we're ready" Peter admitted, as he stuffed a few chips into his mouth. "In here he's safe, but out there we're responsible for him day and night." Peter shrugged as the man in question walked back and sat down next to them.

"Hey Neal, how are you?"

"OK" Neal answered with his typical response to that question.

"Do you want turkey or salami?"

"Did you bring any wine?"

"No" Elizabeth answered, with an amused smile.

"Turkey, please" Neal said as he snatched a few chips from Peter's plate and gave one to the dog.

"Elizabeth...tell him I'm ready to go..."

"Neal, I don't think it's up to Peter. When they feel you're ready, they'll allow you to go home."

"He won't." Neal pointed at Peter who stopped chewing with his mouth full and stared at his friend.

"Neal, why would you say that?" Elizabeth didn't give Peter a chance to respond.

Neal suddenly looked uncomfortable with all eyes on him and he lowered his gaze before speaking. "I heard Peter...and June talking..." Neal looked up briefly before continuing. "He said it would be best if I stayed here."

"Until you're better" Peter barked. "Do you think I enjoy getting an hour of sleep a night because I'm worried you might wake up confused?"

"No one asked you" Neal countered, matching Peter's tone.

"You're right, no one asked me." Peter tossed the rest of his sandwich into the bag and stood. "I've been trying to keep you on the straight and narrow since the day you left jail but I'm done." With only a nod to his stunned wife, Peter walked away.

Elizabeth watched her husband leave and then turned to Neal.

"Finish your lunch" she said, eyeing the ex con. She could only see his profile but he looked as shocked as she was about Peter's outburst.

"Neal, you've retained the ability to push his buttons" Elizabeth added, watching him. He sat motionless, silent except for the harsh breathing he was trying to control.

"Neal, he's been under a lot of pressure lately...I don't think what happened had anything to do with you. Please finish your lunch so I can get to my next appointment."

For lack of another option and feeling responsible for Peter's anger, Neal did as told and quietly finished his sandwich. He said goodbye to Elizabeth at the door and walked into the rehab, feeling more alone than he had in a long time

* * *

Peter had wrestled with the idea of staying home but with a little push from Elizabeth he conceded that it was best for all involved, especially Neal, if Peter spent the night with him. He didn't blame Neal for his earlier outburst but he did know that the closer Neal came to being released, the more worried Peter was about his partner and the more short tempered he had become with everyone.

Slowly he walked the corridor until he was standing in front of the closed door. The light was off and Neal was already in bed; the head nurse had reported that Neal hadn't said a word to anyone since lunch.

"Neal, are you awake?" Peter walked closer to the bed and turned the small table lamp on. Neal turned his head to shield his eyes from the light and then rolled over on his side, with his back to Peter.

"Hey buddy, I'm sorry about earlier." Peter gently sat on the bed and draped his arm around Neal. "I'm not mad at you and we'll figure out a way to make it work ok?" Neal remained silent so Peter turned the light off and dragged the chair over. He grabbed a blanket and tried to make himself as comfortable as possible. He was tired and hopeful that Neal would sleep through the night. Some time passed before Peter heard the bed shift and a hand touched his head. Peter smiled sadly; it had been a long time since Neal needed this type of security and he knew his earlier outburst was the cause. Peter reached up and briefly clasped Neal's hand while silently promising his friend he would protect him. He listened for the even breathing above him and when he was sure Neal was asleep, he allowed himself to drift off.


	12. Chapter 12

Neal stared at the gun held between his palms with the nozzle facing up. He hated guns and he disliked violence but one pull of the trigger would end all of his problems.

Neal glanced around the darkened room. For two days he had sat there, neither eating nor sleeping. He had done what they had asked of him...he had gone to the doctor and he had taken the medicine prescribed to him. He didn't have to look at the little pamphlet to know he had suffered every side effect imaginable.

Peter knew; he always seemed to be waiting when Neal was in the bathroom. He tried to help and he encouraged him to give it a little longer, but Neal couldn't handle it anymore.

Neal never felt he was depressed and he didn't want to die, but he couldn't live like this and he didn't know what else to do.

Maybe he was a coward. He chose a weekend when he knew Peter was out of town for a wedding and couldn't come running if Neal called. And Neal had wanted to call...how many times had he picked up the phone to only put it down again. But he knew he relied on Peter too much, even if his friend would never call him out on that.

He thought about Mozzie but he knew how much his partner in crime hated self-loathing and Neal wasn't sure he could talk to him. He wasn't sure he could talk to anyone and he felt bad every time June knocked on his door; he ignored the older woman and hoped she assumed he wasn't home.

He glanced out the window and wondered when the sun had gone down. He figured Peter would be home and he considered, once again, calling his friend. And say what? Goodbye didn't seem right. Help me. He knew Peter would come instantly if Neal asked.

But Peter couldn't help; he couldn't fix the one thing Neal needed. Everyone said Neal was better but they didn't understand; He wasn't like he was and he never would be...nothing could fix the damage that was done.

Neal missed who he was; he missed the person who could add numbers faster than a calculator. Who could recall facts and details he read years ago. Yeah, he could still forge a bond and his artistic talents were still viable but that wasn't enough for him. Add the pills and...Sighing, Neal cradled the gun to his chest.

"Neal, are you in there? Please open the door." Neal held his breath as June knocked several times. She seemed more determined this time and Neal wondered if she had an extra key and if she would use it. Finally she stopped and Neal took a deep breath as he heard her walk away. If he timed it right Peter would be the one to find him; not that he wanted to do that to anyone but he assumed the agent could handle it better.

* * *

"I am so glad to be home." Elizabeth plopped on the sofa and started massaging her aching feet, hurting from all the hours in her high heels. "They did make a lovely couple didn't they?" She glanced at her husband, silently sitting in a nearby chair.

"Hon, what's wrong?"

"I don't know." Peter rubbed his eyes, tired from the long drive. "I just can't believe Mandy is old enough to get married." He shook his head. "Bill is my age and his daughter just got married."

"Feeling old?" Elizabeth asked, smiling.

"Yeah" he answered, nodding his head. "I don't know about you, but I'm ready for bed." Peter stood and took a step towards the stairs when his phone rang." Frowning he grabbed the phone from his pocket and stared at the caller ID before answering.

"Peter Burke" he said and then silently listened.

"I'll be right there."

"Peter, what's wrong?" She had watched her husband's expression and knew something was going on.

"That was June." Peter grabbed his laptop and quickly logged in. "She said Neal hasn't answered his door all weekend and that's not like him." He stared at the screen and then closed it, emitting a mild curse.

"Peter?" Elizabeth stood gingerly and limped towards him.

"Neal's tracker shows he hasn't left his apartment since Friday."

"So, why hasn't he answered?"

"I don't know." Peter grabbed his jacket. "Hon, I'll take care of this. Don't wait up for me." He quickly kissed his wife before running out the door, more nervous than he wanted to admit. The drive took longer than normal and several times Peter swerved around idiots going slower than the speed limit. He continued to call Neal but his friend didn't answer.

He's not suicidal Peter told himself over and over, trying to convince himself. Neal didn't want to die but Peter knew he was having issues on the antidepressant and he might be desperate enough to just end it. He tried to help but he didn't know enough and pleaded with Neal to abide by the doctor's wishes.

"Neal, we'll find another doctor" Peter whispered in the empty car. "Please be ok." With a sigh of relief he saw June's mansion and stepped on the gas for the final block. Quickly he parked and jumped out, surprised to see June waiting outside for him.

"Peter, something's wrong, I can feel it." Peter gently grabbed June by the shoulders, shocked at how undone she looked; June was one of the strongest women he knew.

"June, he's fine. I'm sure of that." Peter released her and they both hurried upstairs with Peter in the lead.

"Neal, open up or I'm coming in." Peter waited exactly one minute before fishing his key out and barging in...to total darkness.

"Neal, are you here?" Peter called out as June went for the light.

"Peter." June gasped as she pointed. Hidden behind the sofa, all they could see was a pair of legs.

"Stay here." Peter ordered, running that way.

"Neal." Two dull, but very much alive, blue eyes looked up at him and Peter let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"June, he's ok. Please leave and close the door behind you." Thankfully she didn't question Peter as she left the apartment.

Peter took a quick survey of his friend, with his eyes settling on the gun in Neal's lap.

"Is that loaded?" Neal nodded yes.

"Are you planning on using it?" Peter seated himself a few feet from the ex con and studied him. Dressed in only a t-shirt and boxers, the weight lost Neal had suffered since starting the medication was quite noticeable and Peter wondered how he had missed it before. His cheeks were sunken and his eyes, for lack of a better word, were dead.

Neal, you told me you don't want to die."

"I can't live like this" Neal whispered, licking his dry lips.

"We'll find another way" Peter countered as Neal shifted the gun. "Neal, please give me the gun before it goes off. "

"You always listen to the doctor" Neal accused.

"Neal, we'll find another doctor, get a second opinion."

"They'll put me a way."

"Maybe for a little bit, but only to help you" Peter quietly stated. "Neal, think about what your death will do to Elizabeth and June and Mozzie."

"They'll be ok" Neal said.

"And me?" Peter whispered. "You've been my partner for over three years. Do you think I'll be ok?" If Peter noticed the tears streaking down his cheeks he didn't bother wiping them away.

"Don't cry" Neal pleaded. "I'm not worth it" he added sullenly.

"Really?" Peter choked out a muffled sob, and then finally swiped away the tears with a careless hand. "You're family and I'm not sure I'd get over it. Neal, please give me the gun." Peter scooted a little closer and thought about grabbing the weapon, but he was worried it would go off accidently in the process.

"Neal, please." Peter held his hand out.

"No more pills?" Neal asked, holding the gun tighter.

"I can't promise that" Peter whispered, "but we'll find a doctor who will listen to you."

It seemed like an eternity before Neal held the gun towards the agent and Peter grabbed it, quickly removing the bullets and stuffing them in his pocket. Neal had folded in to himself, hiding his face against the wall.

"Hey." Peter pulled Neal away from the wall and hugged him fiercely, resting his face on Neal's head until the ex con untangled himself from Peter's arms.

"How long have you been sitting here?"

"Since Friday" Neal answered.

"Have you eaten?"

"Not hungry."

Slept?"

Neal shook his head no. "I can't lie down without getting nauseous."

Peter stood and quickly returned with a glass of water.

"Can your stomach handle this?" Neal nodded as he took the glass and greedily chugged down the cool liquid, wiping the last of it on his parched lips.

"Do you think you can sleep?"

"I don't know." Neal shrugged. "I don't sleep well anymore." He didn't need to blame the pills because Peter already assumed that part.

"Come on, get up." Peter held his hand out and hauled Neal to his feet, holding on to the ex con when it was apparent he was having issues standing. He half dragged Neal to the sofa and helped him down.

Peter left and returned a few minutes later with a pillow and some blankets.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"Not right now."

"OK." Peter settled back against the sofa and placed the pillow against his chest. "Lean against me and see if you can sleep." It took a few minutes for both to get comfortable.

"OK?"

"Yeah" Neal answered as Peter wrapped a blanket around him.

"Damn, I forgot to call Elizabeth." Peter found his cell and quickly called his wife and explained the situation, leaving out the gun part.

"You lied to her" Neal accused.

"No, I just omitted the parts she didn't need to know."

"You lied" Neal repeated.

"Whatever. Try to get some sleep."

"What happens tomorrow?" Neal asked.

"I'll make some calls and we'll find a new doctor."

"Do I get committed?"

"I don't know. Do you think you need to be?"

"Probably" Neal admitted, much to Peter's surprise.

"Go to sleep." Peter pulled Neal closer and wrapped his arm around him. Cocooned in the blankets and Peter's arm, Neal felt safer than he had in a long time and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep. Peter, on the other hand, was wide awake and thinking about tomorrow and the dire task of placing his friend in a psychiatric ward.


	13. Chapter 13

Peter glanced sideways at his wife and then through the mirror at Neal sitting in the back seat. After the accident, no one was sure Neal would get to this point, but finally after two months, he was going home.

"El, are you sure you don't want me to drop you off?"

"No. I want to make sure Neal is settled and then I'll take a cab home." They were all silent, each lost in their own thoughts and in Peter's case, more than a little nervous about Neal leaving the rehab.

They said he was ready and maybe he was, but Peter was going to miss the security the rehab offered, though he was savoring the thought of sleeping on something besides the uncomfortable recliner his back had grown to hate.

"Neal, you ok back there?"

"How many times are you going to ask me?"

Peter ignored the tone and returned his attention to driving. Even though he wouldn't admit it, Neal was worried about living on his own again.

"Peter, what are you going to do for dinner tonight?"

"I don't know...maybe order a pizza." The silence engulfed them once more and stayed that way until they reached June's mansion.

* * *

"Welcome home" Peter proclaimed as he opened the back door for Neal. "Do you need help getting out?"

Shaking his head Neal stood, leaning on the door for support. He took a deep breath of fresh air and then eyed the stairs, knowing there were many more inside.

"This is why you should have stayed with us" Peter said, as if reading his partner's mind.

"I'm fine" Neal countered, taking two steps forward. He had been walking unaided for a few weeks, but he still wasn't steady on his feet and for now, stairs were his enemy.

Neal trudged ahead, knowing Peter was right there if he lost his balance. He gave June a quick hug at the door and then glanced upward, eyeing the staircase that led to his apartment. He could feel Peter breathing down his neck as he climbed the first step, but thankfully he kept quiet this time.

Holding the rail tight, Neal slowly made his way, breathing harder the closer he got. He let out a loud sigh of relief as he climbed the last step, and stopped to catch his breath as Peter opened the apartment door.

Neal walked around the apartment and noticed everything was as he left it, including the chess game that he and Mozzie had never finished. He stared at the board looking for the next move but gave up after a few minutes and continued to study his surroundings.

He saw the bottle and picked it up, cradling it in his arms. Throughout his ordeal he had never forgotten Kate and on some days that was a blessing, others it was a curse.

"Neal, are you ok?" Neal hadn't heard his partner approach him and jumped slightly.

"Yeah" he answered as he carefully placed the bottle on the counter.

Peter glanced at Elizabeth who silently shrugged, her way of saying give him more time.

"Peter, help me with his bags." The agent grabbed Neal's belongings and followed Elizabeth to the bedroom closet.

Peter whistled. "This is bigger than our bedroom" he commented and not for the first time. Elizabeth ignored her husband as she quickly and efficiently hung up the clean clothes and threw the dirty ones in the hamper.

"Peter, don't push him" Elizabeth said when their task was done. "Give him time to get reacquainted, ok?"

"Of course" Peter quipped, somewhat sarcastically. "No, pushing, no prodding and no lectures" he continued. "Anything else?"

Elizabeth frowned, eyeing her husband.

"Less sarcasm would be helpful" she suggested. "Peter, I know you're worried about Neal living on his own but it's what he wants, and you need to respect his wishes."

"I know and I'm sorry." Wearily Peter ran a hand through his hair. "I can't help feeling this is a bad idea." Elizabeth approached Peter and took his hands in hers. "We'll make it work. We can watch Neal and at the same time give him the freedom he needs right now."

"I hope you're right." Peter kissed her lightly on the lips. "Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?"

"Someone needs to feed Satch. You'll be fine." Together they walked out of the huge closet in search of Neal. They found him on the balcony, staring at the New York skyline.

"I missed this" Neal commented when he heard their footsteps.

"Neal, I need to go. Listen to Peter, ok? He might sound gruff but he means well." With an amused nod towards her husband, Elizabeth walked away, leaving the partners to fend for themselves.

"Neal, what do you want on your pizza?"

"You won't like it."

"That's the beauty of a pizza" Peter said as he leaned against the wall, mirroring his friend's position. "Half will be what you want and half will be what I want."

"Hawaiian then" Neal stated, as Peter snorted beside him. "Of course you would say that" Peter muttered under his breath.

"Don't get..." Neal paused as he fought his mind for the right word.

"Don't get what?" Peter prompted.

Neal shook his head with a slight shrug of the shoulders.

"Neal, don't get what?" Peter wouldn't give up so easily, no matter what he promised his wife.

Neal turned and looked out, trying to picture the word like they taught him. "It smells" he said suddenly, turning around. "They're this big" he added, gesturing with his fingers.

"Neal, it starts with an A" Peter said, hoping that would help. But after several minutes of watching Neal struggle, Peter decided that was enough.

"I think you mean anchovies, right?"

"I guess" Neal muttered disgustedly as he walked past Peter and into the apartment.

"OK then." Peter followed the ex con inside.

* * *

Peter awoke with the sun shining in his face and the realization that the sofa wasn't going to be any better on his back. Groaning he sat up and stared at the empty bed.

"Neal?"

Hearing no answer, Peter quickly grabbed his pants and got dressed. Downstairs, he almost ran into June.

"Peter, he's outside walking the dog."

Peter stared at her. "June, he can't walk himself, how the heck is he going to walk a dog?"

June grabbed his arm before he could run outside. "Pete, relax. He's sitting on the steps and the dog is walking back and forth. He's ok, so calm down before you go out there and confront him."

Peter stared at the older woman, before lowering his gaze. "I'm trying to do what's best for Neal. Why doesn't anyone see that?"

"Peter, everyone sees it, especially Neal."

"I spent nearly every night in that rehab with Neal" Peter spit out angrily. "I'm the one who calmed him down after a nightmare or held him when he couldn't stop crying. I can't just walk away now..."

"No one expects you to. Come on." She tugged at Peter's arm. "Come sit down and have breakfast with me." Peter glanced at the front door and against his better judgment he followed the older woman into the kitchen.

Peter took a sip of his coffee, savoring the taste.

"June, what am I doing wrong?" Peter asked after several minutes of awkward silence.

"You're not doing anything wrong" June insisted as two plates of eggs were placed before them. "You just need to give him a little more space. Peter, he knows where to find you if he needs you."

They were almost done eating when Neal entered the kitchen with the dog still on his leash. "There you go" Neal said as he bent down and unleashed the pug.

"Neal, do you want to sit and have some coffee?" June knew he had already eaten so she didn't bother offering any food.

"Sure." Neal sat and waited while June poured him a cup. Peter opened his mouth to tell him to be careful but a knowing look from June changed his mind. He watched as his partner held the mug with shaky hands and carefully took a sip. Peter turned his attention back to his food only looking up when he caught June taking the mug from Neal.

"Think we need to find a smaller mug" she said causally as Neal grabbed a piece of toast from the bread basket.

Peter pushed his plate away. "June, thank you for breakfast." He stood. "Neal, Elizabeth has a function she'd like me to attend tonight. Think you can manage on your own?"

"Yeah...I guess." Neal stared upward but Peter wouldn't meet his gaze. "Peter, something...wrong?"

"No, I'll check on you tomorrow." Peter went upstairs to collect his stuff and was out before he could change his mind.

* * *

It was well past midnight but Peter couldn't sleep.

"Peter, he's fine. June would have called if there were any issues. Please stop tossing and turning so we can both get some sleep."

Peter shot out of bed. "I'm going downstairs" he said as he stormed out of the room. He was in the kitchen nursing a can of beer when Elizabeth staggered in.

"Peter, why are you so angry with June? Or is it me?" Elizabeth sat, opposite her husband and reached for his hand.

"I'm not angry" Peter insisted.

"Then what is it?"

Peter looked away. "I feel like I should be there..."

"And, that's the problem" Elizabeth interrupted. "You've been Neal's shadow for two months and quite frankly I want my husband back." Elizabeth sat up straight and studied her husband; he looked so tired but that was normal these days as were the dark circles that took permanent residence under his eyes.

"Peter, June has a condo up north and she offered it to us for the weekend. We are going to take the dog and get away from everything including Neal."

Peter started to protest but Elizabeth waved a warning finger at him. "Don't. It's already planned and Mozzie will stay with Neal the whole time. When we get back we will sit down with everyone and make a schedule that works...Peter you can't keep up like this and I won't let you." Elizabeth watched her husband and knew he was angry but she was doing this for his own good and she wasn't about to back down.

"Do I have a say in anything?" Peter asked, breaking the silence.

"Only in the clothes you want to bring" Elizabeth countered. "Peter, it won't do Neal any good if you kill yourself taking care of him. Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

Again Peter turned away. He knew it was true but he wasn't ready to admit how worn out he was trying to work and keep an eye on his friend.

"Peter, you don't have to do this alone and Neal isn't going to think any less of you if you ask for help." Elizabeth knew her husband well enough to know when to stop. "Come on, let's go to bed." Elizabeth stood and held her hand out and waited. Silently they walked upstairs together.


	14. Chapter 14

**NOTE: This takes place over a year after the accident. And the next chapter will continue from this one**.

* * *

Peter sat on the familiar bench, eyes searching upward as he wondered which floor his friend was on. His mind wandered back to that morning as he searched the internet for a doctor while Neal sat lifeless next to him. He made several calls before finally finding one that was willing to suddenly take on a new patient. The doctor had experience with brain injuries and he also happened to work out of the same hospital that had saved Neal's life after the car accident. He had insisted that Neal be admitted immediately for observation and Peter had the thankless task of packing a bag for his partner and driving him to the hospital. Neal had been silent the whole time, barely mumbling a goodbye when they took him away. Peter, on the other hand, had cried like a baby, only calming down when he had arrived home and into the comforting arms of his wife.

The mandatory seventy-two hours had turned into a full month and Neal had refused all visitors and Peter had no choice but to abide by his friend's wishes. He had talked to the ex-con several times and Neal said he was doing fine, but over the phone there was no way of telling how Neal really was.

The doctor would always return Peter's calls in a timely manner but he would state patient- doctor confidentiality when questioned and would only say that Neal was doing as well as expected under the circumstances.

"Is this seat taken?" Peter smiled, hearing the soft voice of his wife.

"It is now" Peter commented as Elizabeth sat down beside him.

"I knew you'd be early" Elizabeth said. "Why do you think he wants to see us?"

"Don't know" Peter answered gruffly, "but it's about time."

"Peter, please don't." Elizabeth turned and faced her husband. "Don't go in there with any preconceived notions."

"Too late" Peter muttered.

"Peter, don't make a scene in there. It's not going to help Neal if you're arguing with his doctor."

Peter stood, muttering something under his breath. "I'll be a boy scout. Let's go see what Doctor Freud has to say."

With a bemused smile and a shake of her head, Elizabeth followed her husband inside. They were a few minutes early and standing outside the appointed door when they heard someone rushing towards him.

"Sorry, I'm late...got called away for an emergency." Peter and Elizabeth exchanged weary glances. The doctor was nothing like Peter had expected; he was a burly man with curly hair and a thick mustache that covered half of his mouth. He reminded Peter of someone and the agent kept staring...

"Gabe Kaplan" the doctor said, with a slight smile. "Everyone says I look like him."

"Aha." Peter said, remembering a TV show he had enjoyed as a child. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare."

"It's ok; I get it all the time. Please sit." He gestured to the two seats.

Once they were seated the doctor sat behind his desk.

"Please call me Ben" he said with an easy manner that eased the tension radiating from the Burkes. "First, let me assure you that Neal is doing well and I apologize for not being able to tell you more on the phone." He directed the last comment to Peter.

"Also, I have Neal's blessing to talk to you. He said you're the closest he has to a family or at least any family he'll admit to."

Peter chuckled softly. "He won't tell you either will he?"

Ben smiled. "No, but I don't need to know about his past. I can you tell he's not depressed..."

"But the other doctor" Elizabeth interrupted.

"Probably had no experience with brain injuries" Ben put forth. "What Neal is going through is typical and something I've seen many times before." The doctor paused briefly and shuffled some papers on his desk, moving them to a corner. He rested his elbows on the newly cleaned space and studied the Burkes."We put so much emphasis on the first year with retraining the brain and relearning simple tasks we sometimes forget the emotional aspect of recovery. Around the one year mark, a patient starts to realize that they're not the same and no matter how hard they work, most likely they never will be." Ben stood and strolled over to the fridge in the corner of the small office.

"Care for a drink?"

The Burkes shook their heads no and waited while the doctor grabbed a bottle of water and took a drink.

"Neal is unique. I don't think I've ever treated someone who wears a tracker on his ankle." He chuckled softly.

Peter cleared this throat. "Doctor, if he's not depressed what is he? And why did he almost kill himself?"

"But he didn't" the doctor countered. "If Neal truly wanted to die he would have pulled the trigger long before you found him."

Elizabeth knew her husband was getting a little exasperated by the doctor's ramblings.

"Ben, how can we help Neal?" she asked.

"You can't." Ben saw their faces and quickly added. "You've done everything you can do for Neal. Now it's up to Neal to accept himself and that's the hardest thing he'll ever have to do."

"And if he doesn't?" Peter questioned.

"That's where I come in" the doctor responded. "It's my job to show Neal that his life is worth living." Ben sat down again.

"Neal is suffering from a lot of anxiety and I feel that's causing the majority of his shaking. He confided in me that he's worried about what happens when the tracker comes off and he's a free man."

"He's never mentioned that to me" Peter commented.

"I asked him to describe himself in our first meeting and he said he's a brain damaged ex con." Ben paused for dramatic effect studying the couple across the desk. "He doesn't believe he can go back to his old ways and he doubts anyone would hire him if he tried getting a job."

"Peter, what about the bureau?" Elizabeth glanced at her husband. "Would they hire Neal after his sentence is done?"

"I'm not sure" Peter admitted. "Most CI's end up back in jail...I don't know if it's ever been done."

"That's why I called..." Ben paused as he looked at his notes." Your boss... Reece Hughes."

"Hughes was here?" Peter couldn't keep the shock out of his voice. "He never said anything to me."

"I asked him not to" Ben explained. "He spoke very highly of Neal and said it was possible for Neal to be hired in the same capacity he's doing now."

"But..." Peter said quietly, "I hear a but coming."

"But, he's not sure if this is what he wants" Ben concluded. "It's ok, though. It gives Neal an option if he chooses and right now, he doesn't feel he has many options in his life."

"So, what happens next?" Peter asked with a quick glance at his watch, surprised that they've been sitting there for nearly an hour.

"I've kept Neal here longer than normal because he had a rough time getting off the antidepressant." Ben smiled wearily. "I have thought about treating his anxiety with a less potent medication but Neal doesn't want anything and we'll go that route for now."

"And Neal...when does he get out of here?" Peter fidgeted in his seat, and loosened his tie a bit.

"That's up to you" Ben said, much to the Burke's surprise.

"Neal described his living arrangements and I don't think living on his own is a good idea right now. He gave me two viable choices and..." he glanced again at his notes. "Considering I can't get a hold of Mozzie I'd prefer Neal move in with you..."

"What?" Peter choked out.

"Is there a problem with that?"

"No...Not really" Peter stuttered.

"It's fine" Elizabeth said.

"Mr. Burke?" Ben eyed the agent sternly.

"No, I'm just a little surprised." Peter frowned as he returned the doctor's gaze. "Neal went out of his way to prove he could be on his own after the rehab, I'm a little...shocked that he would agree to this. He did agree, right?"

The doctor nodded slightly. "He understands it's for the best right now and it's not forever. Consider it a half way home between here and his place."

"It is fine" Elizabeth insisted again. "For however long it takes, Neal can stay with us."

"Good." Ben sat back in his chair. "I think he'll be out of here in a week or two. I can call you when I have a release date."

"Can we see him?" Peter asked.

The doctor shook his head. "It's Neal's request that he sees no one. I'm not going to sugar coat this...it's been hard on him and he doesn't feel up to seeing anyone. But again, let me assure you he's doing better..." Ben paused with a small sigh. "I'll ask him to call you tonight ok?" The doctor stood, signaling the meeting was over.

* * *

Later that evening Peter stood in the guest room, wondering what Neal might need while living there.

"Peter, come to bed." Elizabeth stood in the doorway, dressed only in a night shirt. "Neal sounded ok tonight so stop worrying."

Peter glanced her way and then went back to studying the room. "Do you think we should put a TV up here?"

"Fine" Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes. She entered the room and grabbed her husband's hand, leading him out.

"Peter, let's go to bed. You can worry about this tomorrow."


	15. Chapter 15

Peter leaned against his car, arms crossed tightly against his chest and waited, squinting occasionally as he searched the parking lot in the early afternoon sun. Neal had insisted it be done his way and that meant Peter waiting until Neal walked out of the hospital, hopefully for the last time. Nearly two months after being admitted to the psych ward on the fourth floor, Neal was being released and Peter was more than a little anxious to finally set eyes on his friend and a little hurt that Neal had refused to see him during that time.

Twenty minutes after arriving Peter saw his partner casually strolling towards him with a small duffel bag thrown over his shoulder. From the distance he looked like Neal...same walk and head held high...but the closer he got Peter noticed the weight lost and the clothes hanging loosely on his thin frame.

"Let me see it" Peter said when Neal was within hearing range. Neal stared at him blankly until a small smile played on his face. Slowly he lifted his pants to reveal the tracker.

"You understand how this works" Peter added sternly, trying in vain to keep his own smile from breaking loose.

"I'm being released into the custody of the FBI under your supervision." The words flowed freely as if the conversation had taken place yesterday.

Peter laughed, no longer able to keep a straight face.

"How are you?" he asked as Neal stood before him. Without answering Neal dropped the bag and flung his arms around Peter, holding on as if his life depended on it.

"Miss me?" Peter managed to whisper as he wrapped his own arms around the ex con. Peter ghosted his hand across Neal's back, finally resting it against Neal's head as his friend omitted a few shuddering breaths. Any anger Peter felt dissipated along with the muted sobs as Neal kept his face buried against Peter's shoulder. Finally the younger man pulled back with a huge smile on his face that belied the tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Are you ok?" Peter asked, for lack of anything better to say.

"Yeah, let's go." Neal picked up his bag and sauntered around the front of the car, once again in control of his fleeting emotions. Peter slid into the driver's side and waited until Neal was settled before starting the car and heading home.

They were both quiet and Peter kept his eyes on the road, occasionally stealing a glance at the man beside him. It wasn't until they were driving on Peter's street that Neal spoke up.

"Peter, are you ok with me moving in?"

"It is permanent?"

"No. Of course not" Neal stated firmly, much to Peter's amusement.

"Then, I'm ok with it" Peter countered, as he pulled into a parking spot. "Neal, I will warn you, Elizabeth is going to take one look at you and will be feeding you constantly."

Neal smiled. "That's ok. I finally have an appetite and I know I need to gain weight."

"Was it that bad?"

Sighing, Neal nodded yes.

"Can you tell me about it?"

Neal leaned his head back. "Maybe someday" he answered, briefly closing his eyes. "I'm sorry...I just couldn't see anyone. You're not angry... are you?"

"No" Peter responded and it was the truth. He leaned his arm across Neal's chest and grasped his friend's shoulder, squeezing gently. "It was just hard not knowing how you were doing" Peter admitted as he removed his hand and stared out the front windshield.

"Are you ready to go in?"

Neal nodded and slowly got out. He followed Peter into the house and was immediately accosted by a large, barking dog.

"Hey boy." Neal bent over to greet Satchmo before eyeing Elizabeth, not surprised that both of them had the day off of work. She rushed over to Neal and hugged him fiercely as Peter looked on.

"Neal, are you hungry?"

Neal laughed as he nodded yes. "I was too nervous to eat lunch so yeah, I'm hungry."

"I have lunch ready" she said, leading the way to the kitchen. The meal went quickly as they both peppered Neal with questions, though none too personal.

"Neal, we brought over some clothes but that's about it. Do you want to go to June's and pick up some of your stuff?"

"Did you bring my work clothes?" Neal asked cautiously, gauging Peter's reaction.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Peter countered, knowing where this was going.

"I have to." Neal put his fork down and lowered his gaze. "Peter, I need to go back to work...please."

Peter was actually relieved though he wouldn't admit it. Work was busy and he simply couldn't take any more time off and he would feel better knowing Neal was where he could keep an eye on him.

"Just desk work for now" Peter cautioned.

"OK." Neal seemed satisfied as he picked up his fork and finished eating.

* * *

"Doing homework on a Friday evening?" Neal strolled into the kitchen to find Peter at the table with his laptop and a pile of paperwork.

"I thought you were sleeping." Peter put his pen down and glanced up at his friend.

"Too quiet" Neal admitted. "Plus I was hungry." He looked around the kitchen. "Feel like joining me in a midnight snack?"

Peter stood. "What do you want?" Peter opened the fridge and Neal joined him as they both stared at the contents.

"Anything look appealing?" Peter asked.

"No." Neal backed off. "Have any ice cream?"

Peter opened the freezer to reveal several cartons. "Seems Elizabeth stocked up" he noted. "Is Butter Pecan ok?" Neal nodded yes so Peter quickly scooped up two bowls and handed the larger one to Neal. They made room at the table, tossing the paperwork to the side.

"What are you working on?" Neal glanced at one of the files.

"I've been buried in paperwork for a while" Peter said as he scooped a large spoonful into his mouth.

"You've been assigned desk duty, haven't you?" Neal put his spoon down and eyed his friend. "And it's because of me, isn't it?"

"Hughes is a little worried I don't have my head in the game right now." Peter tried to shrug it off but Neal wasn't buying it.

"Peter, I'm sorry. Seems I'm messing up both of our lives." Neal started to stand until Peter grabbed his arm. "Sit" he ordered and waited for Neal to comply.

"Yes, I've been worried about you and more than a little angry at times that I couldn't visit but I don't blame you ok?"

"I guess" Neal answered quietly. "What did you think of my doctor?" he asked, deciding to change the subject.

"Different" Peter replied. "Do you like him?"

Neal nodded. "He spent more nights then I'm willing to admit talking me off the ledge." Peter's eyes widened as Neal quickly added. "Not literally of course."

Peter smiled wearily. "For a minute there I thought I might have to put bars on the windows."

"No." Neal chuckled. "Peter, those pills...they really did a number on me." Peter reached across and briefly touched Neal's hand. "You got through it and it's time we both move forward because I'm ready to get away from my desk."

Neal smiled. "Me too" he said before shoveling some more ice cream into his mouth.

* * *

Elizabeth walked into the kitchen to find both men still up, laughing giddily about something with a half empty bottle of wine between them.

"You ate the whole thing" she exclaimed, noticing the empty carton of ice cream on the counter.

"Neal, are you supposed to be drinking?"

"Peter, I think she's mad."

"Hon, sorry." Peter looked up sheepishly. "Neal helped me get through all these files so we were having a little celebration."

"More than a little" Elizabeth remarked sharply as she started cleaning up. She tore something off the refrigerator and thrust it at her husband. "We were supposed to get all this done today" she said, before grabbing the list back.

"It's morning already?" Peter asked, eyeing the guilty man beside him.

"El, just give me a couple of hours and I'll be ready." Peter stood, stumbling in the process.

"He doesn't hold his alcohol, does he?" Neal asked, laughing. Elizabeth threw her hands up in disgust. "Go sleep this off and tomorrow I own you both." She waved the little piece of paper. "And this list is going to be much longer, I promise you that."

She watched them stumble out of the kitchen and glanced at the dog, lying on the floor next to a bowl. "Let me guess; they gave you ice cream didn't they?" The dog licked his lips before rolling over and going back to sleep.

Finally Elizabeth had to sit down and laugh; and hope things would finally get back to normal or as normal as things were before the accident.


	16. Chapter 16

Neal wondered if you could die of boredom. Nearly two months out of the rehab and he spent his days staring at four walls and an occasional soap opera. Mozzie rarely came by, most likely due to Neal's utter lack of concentration and penchant for pacing. Neal stopped at the table and stared at the chess game; as he had for nearly a week since Mozzie stormed out suggesting Neal study the rules before they played again. Neal knew the rules; he could recite the rules as written in the book Mozzie had given him...he just couldn't see the broader picture and he had trouble predicting his friend's next move and he was getting tired of being pitied for being stupid. Not that Mozzie would ever call him that, but Neal couldn't change what happened and he couldn't change how he felt.

He glanced out the balcony door at the sun shining brightly. He could go for a walk; he might manage a couple of blocks without getting winded and as long as he was within his two mile radius he would avoid one of Peter's long drawn out lectures. Quickly he put on a nice pair of dress pants and collared shirt; happy to be out of the sweats and t-shirt he wore most days. He decided against the tie and jacket and slipped his feet into a comfortable pair of loafers.

He eyed his cell phone but ignored it as he exited his apartment.

* * *

"Peter, Neal's on the move" Jones said as he entered his boss's office.

"Of course he is." Peter threw his pen down. "I asked him, no I pleaded with him to stay indoors today and keep out of trouble. Does he listen? Of course not." Peter stood and stared out the window. "He knew I had a day full of meetings that I can't miss."

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing" Peter answered as he turned and faced his co-worker. "Keep an eye on him and as long as he stays within his two miles, let him be."

"Peter, is something going on?"

Shrugging, Peter slumped in his chair and stared at the notes he was preparing for his next meeting. "Neal is bored and he's making everyone as miserable as he is." Peter glanced up. "He thinks if he annoys me enough, I'll let him come back to work but it's not up to me. The doctor has to release him and he won't."

"Do you think he's ready?"

"I don't know." Peter sighed loudly as he tossed his paperwork to the side. "I doubt he could manage full days but mentally, I think he's ready to do something useful." Peter smiled wearily as he eyed Jones. "He's trying to alienate everyone who cares about him and he's been somewhat successful so far."

"I'm sorry" Jones mumbled. "Anything I can do to help?"

"No." Peter chuckled. "I wouldn't wish Neal on my worst enemy right now."

"Is it really that bad?" Jones asked, somewhat surprised.

"It is. Even Mozzie doesn't want to go near him and I never thought I see that day. I suggested counseling to Neal and he laughed it off, said he doesn't need a shrink. Maybe I need one instead" Peter added, as he stood. "This meeting should take about an hour. Call me if Peter Pan does something stupid."

Nearly two hours later, Peter walked back into the office looking more peeved then he had earlier. He passed by Jones's desk and glanced at the monitor screen, before coming to a complete stop.

"How close is he to two miles?" Peter asked, eyeing the telltale sign of the tracker.

"Close" Jones said with an amused smile. "But he hasn't stepped over the line yet. He's spent the last thirty minutes here." Jones pointed at the screen. "It's a residential area so I'm not sure what is so intriguing."

"It's not" Peter said. "He's tired and trying to figure out how he's going to get back."

"You could call him" Jones suggested.

"He doesn't have his phone."

"How do you know?" Jones eyed his boss.

"Because I told him to carry it everywhere" Peter spit out angrily. "And he won't listen to anything I say."

Jones stood chuckling and held his hand out to Peter. "Congratulations. You are now the proud parent of a rebellious teenager."

"Don't." Peter warned causing Jones to step back with a sheepish shrug.

"Sorry Peter."

"No, I'm sorry" Peter countered quickly. "It's been a rough few months and we're all edge, including Neal. I need to talk to Hughes for a few minutes and then I'll go pick him up."

* * *

It didn't take long for Peter to find Neal, sitting under a shady tree in front of a long ago abandoned house. Peter had managed to quell his anger during the drive, reminding himself of what Neal had been through and continued to deal with. The ex con didn't look surprised to see Peter and he grimaced noticeably as he tried to stand. Peter resisted the urge to jump out of the car and help Neal as he limped awkwardly towards the vehicle. Peter grabbed a bottle of water from the back seat and twisted the cap off and he handed it to Neal, once the younger man was settled. Neal drank greedily and didn't stop until the bottle was nearly empty. The last few drops he used to wipe his forehead; before leaning back with his eyes closed and a small, grateful sigh.

Words were unnecessary as Peter drove, though he knew Neal was bracing himself for a lecture. The younger man fidgeted in his seat, playing with both the radio and the air conditioning. Peter silently kept his eyes on the road and finally Neal relaxed enough to sit back and contently watch the world drive by.

"Peter, why are we going to your place?" Neal asked suddenly.

"Elizabeth invited you to dinner."

"But I need to take a shower" Neal protested.

"Shockingly, we do have one of those." Peter's words glistened with amusement. "And since you have clothes at our place, there is no need to stop at June's." If Neal saw any underline meaning in Peter's words he chose to ignore it and remained silent until they arrived.

Elizabeth wasn't home yet so Peter gathered what Neal would need and placed them in the bathroom.

"Are you sure you can stand long enough to take a shower?"

"I'm ok" Neal insisted as he practically pushed Peter out of the small room, eager to eliminate the stench radiating from his body. Twenty minutes later Neal emerged looking and smelling much better. He found Peter n the living room watching Sports Center on ESPN.

"How do you feel?" Peter muted the sound as Neal lumbered in, still slightly hunched over.

"A little sore" Neal admitted and they both knew it was much more than that.

"I'm assuming today's stunt was a one-time deal" Peter quietly said before turning the sound back on, indicating the conversation was over.

* * *

Peter and Elizabeth exchanged worried glances as they watched Neal struggle eating his dinner. If he managed to get the food on the fork it would almost always fall off before he could get it to his mouth. This was a skill Neal had mastered long ago so Peter could only assume the tasking day had something to do with his difficulties. His hands were shaking more than normal and that wasn't helping the situation. Neal suffered in silence, though occasionally he would mutter a quiet curse as the food fell to the floor, much to the dog's delight.

Elizabeth stood and quickly put together a couple of turkey and cheese sandwiches that she cut neatly in four squares. She opened a bag of chips and poured some on the plate along with a few green grapes and carrot sticks to balance out the meal.

"Neal, I think you might enjoy this more." She placed the plate before him and when he didn't protest Elizabeth grabbed the other plate and tossed it in the sink.

"Thanks hon" Peter whispered gratefully as Neal quickly devoured the first square. The only unhappy member was Satch who sauntered out of the kitchen when it was apparent he wasn't getting any more scraps.

* * *

"Peter, you're not driving me home, are you?" Neal looked up from the magazine he was reading and glanced at the agent.

"Do you really feel like moving?"

"No." Neal tossed the magazine aside and stared at the TV.

"Who's winning?"

"Boston" Peter answered disgustedly as he turned the channel and muted the sound. "Neal, we need to talk." He saw Neal tense up and tried not to smile.

"I talked to Hughes today and there's a project he's been trying to get done for a while and we think you can do it."

"What is it?"

"All of are our cold cases need to be entered into a database. As you enter them, maybe you'll find some clues that we've missed in the past."

"I can do that" Neal quietly said.

"I also talked to your doctor today."

"You've been busy" Neal muttered, somewhat sarcastically. "What about?"

"Neal we're all on the same side with the same goal so you need to stop pushing everyone away."

Neal looked away, unable to meet Peter's gaze.

"He thinks it's a good idea to up your physical activity so Mozzie will stop by every day after lunch to take a walk with you..."

"No he won't" Neal interrupted.

"Yes he will" Peter countered. "I already talked to him and he's fine with it."

"OK" Neal whispered. "Anything else?"

Peter nodded. "As a favor to me, can you please keep your phone with you when you go out?" Peter stood yawning. "I'm tired. Where do you want to sleep?"

Neal stretched out lazily. "I don't think I can move" he mumbled. "The couch is fine."

Peter hurried upstairs and returned with some bedding that he tossed on the couch. "Elizabeth is already asleep so please keep the sound low." He handed Neal the remote.

"Goodnight Neal." With a slight nod of his head Peter walked away, thankful that this day was finally over.


	17. Chapter 17

NOTE: I was going to end this when the new season started but since I'm not too happy with the direction the show is going, guess I'll keep writing.

* * *

Peter kept his eyes glued to the computer screen, though he had no idea what he was reading. His mind was preoccupied with his new hobby...studying his partner. Neal had been out of the psych ward and back to work for nearly two weeks and so far, no breakdown or worrisome signs. But he wasn't the same and Peter wasn't the only one to notice. Neal was quiet, though when questioned he said he was fine. He was a courtesy and helpful house guest and always seemed to know when to give Peter and Elizabeth their time alone.

But still...Peter shook his head as he glanced out, towards Neal's desk, surprised to see it empty.

"Looking for me?"

Peter jumped. "When...?"

"A few minutes ago but you didn't seem to notice." Neal sat down and briefly eyed his partner before lowering his gaze.

"Neal, is something wrong?"

Peter's eyes settled on the ex con as the younger man fidgeted in his seat. "Neal?" Peter questioned, somewhat impatiently.

"Do you want to get some coffee?" Neal countered, out of the blue.

"OK" Peter answered cautiously as he reached for his car keys.

"No!" Neal grabbed the keys first. "Let's take a walk and go to Charlie's café."

Peter sat back in his chair and stared at his partner.

"Why do you want to go there?"

"Because we haven't been there since the accident and Ben was a little surprised..."

"Of course" Peter muttered while shaking his head. "I should have known the doctor was involved."

"Peter, why haven't we gone back?"

"I don't know" Peter spit out. "Guess I didn't want to bring back any bad memories for you."

"But I don't remember that day and you know it."

"You got me." Peter stood angrily and turned his back, briefly staring out the window.

"Peter, please." Neal neared his partner. "I need to do this and I think you do too."

"Do what? If you want coffee from there, I'll ask Jones if he can go."

"The coffee is not important and we both know that. Peter, have you crossed that street since the accident?"

"Numerous times" Peter answered defiantly.

"Let me rephrase that" Neal challenged. "Have you walked across that street?"  
When Peter didn't answer, Neal smugly crossed his arms against his chest.

"Neal, I'm not in the mood. If you're trying to make a point, just spit it out." Peter stood with his hands on his hips, clearly growing angrier by the minute.

Neal had thought about this conversation for over a week and it was never his intention to anger his friend...quickly he decided to change gears.

"Peter, please tell me about that day." Neal sat down.

The agent eyed Neal suspiciously. "Why? You know what happened."

"All I know is I got hit by a car. I don't remember anything else. Peter, I just need to know" Neal added softly.

Something in Neal's voice got through to Peter and he sat down and calmly stared at the man sitting across from him. Peter knew he would never forget that day but as time passed he managed to tuck the memories away and he rarely thought about it.

"We had finished a rough case the day before" Peter began, with his eyes wandering around the office. "Actually you finished it" Peter said, smiling wearily.

"I did?"

"Yeah and you wouldn't let anyone forget. We were all tired and just happy to close the case but you were giddy... reminding everyone how you solved it." Peter shrugged. "It got to the point that several people wanted to strangle you."

Neal looked away, slightly embarrassed. "I was that bad?" he asked.

"We had spent the morning going through files and you were bored and hyper so Hughes told me to get you out of there for a while, try to calm you down."

"So you suggested coffee?"

"No, I wanted a buttered croissant and Charlie's had the best ones." Peter stood and paced a few steps, surprised at how fresh the conversation seemed.

"Peter, why did we walk? All the other times we drove there."

Peter leaned against the wall, with his eyes lowered to the floor.

"Peter?" Neal prompted, sensing his partner's reluctance to continue.

"I had just gotten the results of my physical" Peter quietly said, "and my cholesterol was high and you decided to channel my wife and tell me the croissant wasn't a good idea." Peter chuckled softly. "I got mad and said we were walking and you said it was too hot..."

Peter briefly met Neal's eyes. "I told you to stop whining and that a little exercise wouldn't kill you..."

"And it almost did" Neal interrupted. "Peter, do you blame yourself for what happened?"

"No" Peter answered quickly. "I didn't cause the accident and neither did you. The driver was at fault, plain and simple."

"But I bet you wished we had driven, right?"

Peter shrugged, before nodding yes. "You know what they say about hindsight." Peter slumped in his chair, the admission taking more out of him then he had expected.

"Peter, can I ask you something?" The agent didn't answer so Neal continued. "Have you done everything for me because you feel guilty?"

Neal sat back in his chair with his arms hanging loosely by his side, mirroring Peter's position. The older man took a deep breath before rubbing his tired eyes.

"Neal, we've been through this before and no, guilt never played a part in anything." Peter glanced at his wife's picture, that sat proudly on the desk and then back at the ex con who had somehow weaseled his way into Peter's life.

"Neal, let me ask you something. If Elizabeth and I hadn't stepped in, who would have?"

"No one" Neal whispered sullenly. Though he considered Mozzie a good friend, he couldn't imagine him doing everything the Burkes had done since the accident.

"Can you imagine going through all this on your own?"

"No."

"Then why question it?" Peter leaned forward and placed his elbows on the desk, resting his chin on his hands "We're not going anywhere and nothing else should matter."

Neal shook his head, wondering how Peter had gotten the upper hand in this conversation. But he wasn't ready to give up on his original idea.

"Peter, how's your cholesterol now?"

"Fine, why?"

"Let's go to Charlie's for coffee and croissants. I promise I won't tell Elizabeth."

With a loud, shuddering breath Peter leaned back. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"No."

"Fine" Peter muttered as he stood, grabbing his jacket in the process. "Let's go before I change my mind." He walked out with Neal following.

* * *

They walked in silence though Neal tried several times to start up a conversation. Neal could feel the tension radiating from Peter yet he felt nothing. He knew what happened but he had no memory of that day and didn't share the obvious discomfort Peter was feeling.

Peter suddenly stopped about twenty feet from the intersection.

"It was here that you decided I was going too slow" Peter quietly said as people passed by them on the busy sidewalk. "You kept turning back and telling me to hurry up..." Peter smiled wearily. "I heard the tires screeching and I don't think the driver ever saw you...I called your name but you had no time to react." The scene played out in Peter's mind, as it had many times since the accident. "You flew up in the air and amazingly no other cars hit you. But it was bad and I remember someone holding me back and telling me not to move you." Peter's eyes glistened with tears as he briefly glanced at his partner.

"I kept yelling I was FBI like that was going to do something." Peter sniffled and wiped at his eyes. "You know the rest" he said as Neal placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. They stood together for a few minutes in a companionable silence, both contemplating the day that had changed their lives.

"Are you ready?" Becoming impatient Neal gently pushed Peter forward, towards the street. People surrounded them but no one paid any attention to the two men as they crossed the street and it was rather anti-climatic when they reached the other side.

"You ok?" Neal asked as he studied his friend.

"Yeah" Peter answered and they both knew it was a lie.

"Good, let's get something to eat." The café was less than a block away and together they headed that way.

* * *

Peter took a bite of his chocolate filled croissant and followed it up with a small sip of his white chocolate latte. Neal had an assortment of colorful pastries with fancy names that Peter couldn't remember and would never have spent the money on.

"This is good" Neal said as he quickly finished off one sweet and started on the next one. "We should come here once a week" he said with his mouth full.

"Don't think my doctor would approve" Peter commented as he took the last bite of his croissant. "But once a month might work" he added, smiling.

"Neal, are you ok? You've been awfully quiet since returning to work."

Neal stopped eating with the pastry half in his mouth and a few crumbs tumbling to the table. Quickly he ate the rest and wiped his mouth, a picture of complete composure as he met Peter's gaze.

"I'm trying" Neal said, hoping to leave it at that. Of course he knew better and anticipated Peter's next question.

"Neal, what does that mean?"

"It means I'm trying" Neal reiterated. "Peter, it's hard and some days I have to concentrate so much on work...talking isn't even an option. But I'm dealing with it...better than before."

"What about accepting?" Peter questioned, remembering what the doctor had said.

"Someday" Neal said with a twinge of hope. "But I know it's easier not going home alone. Have I worn out my welcome yet?"

"Not at all" Peter remarked firmly before glancing at his watch. "We should get back." Peter eyed the unfinished pastries in front of Neal. "We'll take that with us and I'll get something for the team." By the time Peter returned, Neal had carefully wrapped his leftovers and placed them in a small box.

"Elizabeth is going to love the mille-feuille" Neal remarked and Peter had no clue which one he was talking about.

They walked back the same way and Peter still had issues with that intersection but like Neal, he knew it was something he would have to deal with for the rest of his life. After they crossed the street he knew Neal was watching him but he kept his eyes straight ahead and towards the future, hoping that Neal would follow his lead.


	18. Chapter 18

NOTE: Back to the beginning.

* * *

"Neal, sit down and shut up." Exasperated, Peter threw his arms up in disgust and glared at his partner.

"But..."

"No"

"Peter..."

"Sit."

Neal finally complied and Peter leaned forward so only his CI could hear him. "Nobody likes a braggart and if you want to live past today, sit quietly and start going through those files." Peter pointed to the pile as Neal rolled his eyes, already bored with the cold cases he'd been reading all morning. Peter turned and allowed a smile to sweep across his face. He was proud of Neal and didn't actually mind Neal's antics, but others were getting rather annoyed and it was time to reign in his friend.

From his office Peter kept a keen eye on Neal and wasn't shocked that the ex-con was still talking to those around him. Jones was laughing good-naturedly but a few others looked ready to strangle him.

"Burke!" Peter looked up with dread as he saw his boss standing in the doorway.

"Yes?" he asked cautiously.

"Caffrey did a tremendous job yesterday and he has the right to feel proud but..." Hughes paused as he glanced over his shoulder. "Get him out of here before something bad happens."

"Yes sir" Peter said with a slight groan as Hughes walked away. It was only mid morning and too early for lunch but a snack might work and he could probably stretch it out until lunch time. He thought of the café a couple of blocks away and licked his lips slightly. Peter stood and when Neal made eye contact Peter beckoned him into his office.

"Peter, you called?" Neal sauntered in casually with a winning smile.

"Stop smiling" Peter ordered.

"Didn't know smiling was a crime" Neal muttered, still grinning.

Sighing Peter shook his head as he glared at the man standing in front of him.

"I have been told to get you out of here for a while..."

"Why, what did I do?" Neal asked, feigning innocence. "This is what I get for solving the crime of the century."

"I wouldn't exactly call it that" Peter stated quietly. "How about we go to Charlie's and I'll treat? They have the best croissants in town."

"I don't know Peter" Neal said evenly. "After your last physical, are you sure that's a good idea?"

Peter's eyes narrowed. "Did Elizabeth tell you to keep an eye on me?"

"She's just worried about you." Neal shrugged. "A man your age really needs to start watching what you eat."

"That's it." Peter grabbed his jacket. "We will walk there, therefore getting the exercise a man my age needs."

"Peter, it's too hot outside."

"Stop whining" Peter said as he led Neal towards the elevator. "A little exercise won't kill you" Peter added, chuckling as the doors closed.

* * *

It was hot and humid and the sun was already shining brightly as New York continued to suffer through weather normally seen in late July, early August.

Peter walked slowly because he knew it was driving Neal crazy. The ex con would walk a few steps ahead, wait a second and walk back towards Peter, just to tell him to hurry. Peter refused to go faster so Neal would huff and puff and walk ahead; only to stop and repeat his steps again.

"Neal, you're making me tired just watching you" Peter commented when he caught up to his partner. He took a good look at his friend who was sweating profusely. "I think an ice tea sounds better than coffee" Peter added with a grin.

"If we ever get there" Neal muttered as he took off again.

"Patience" Peter said, shaking his head. His phone rang and he took it out and read the text from his wife, smiling at her words. He looked up to see Neal stopped in the middle of the street yelling at him.

"Get out of the street you idiot" Peter yelled back as he picked up his pace. He heard the car before he saw it speeding past him with his right turn signal flashing.

"Neal!" Peter yelled as the ex con stood frozen, unable to move. He heard a thud, brakes screeching and then people screaming as Peter made his way through the gathering crowd.

Neal was the center of attention sprawled on the ground like a discarded rag doll, bleeding from his nose and mouth.

"Neal." Peter reached down but someone grabbed him from behind.

"Hey buddy, don't touch him. The way he came down I think his neck might be broken."

"Let me go, I'm FBI" Peter spit out as he freed himself from the stranger's grasp. "I'm FBI" Peter repeated as he dropped to his knees, and reached out his hand, though he never made contact. In the distance he heard the sirens blaring.

* * *

Elizabeth was across town when Peter called with the news and something in his voice told her to come immediately so she dropped everything, and grabbed a cab. It seemed like an eternity before she found Peter at the hospital, waiting in a small room outside the surgical unit. He sat with his hands clasped together and his head hung low and he didn't look up when she approached.

"Hey." Elizabeth sat down next to him and gently rubbed his back.

"How is he?"

"I don't know" Peter admitted in a hoarse voice. "They took him in to surgery about an hour ago and no one has said anything to me." Elizabeth glanced at the double doors leading into surgery and then at the empty desk, somewhat angry that no one had come by to talk to Peter.

"El, this is my fault."

"Peter, look at me." Elizabeth placed her hands on his face and gently forced him to look at her.

"Did you hit him?"

"No." Peter eyes closed as he fought to hold back his tears.

"It's ok." Elizabeth leaned forward and rested her head against Peter's head and waited for him to continue.

"It was because of me we were walking" Peter finished as he pulled away.

"Peter don't do this...not to yourself and not to Neal. He's going to need us to get better..."

"If he lives" Peter whispered.

"He will. Have you called anyone?"

"Just you and Hughes" Peter answered. "They told me I should call his family and I said there was no one to call." Peter shrugged. "What if he dies...who do I call?"

"Stop" Elizabeth scolded as she stood. "I'm going to get some answers and then I'll call June and Mozzie. Neal has family and they should be here."

* * *

Peter leaned forward in the uncomfortable plastic chair, keeping his eyes on the prone figure in the ICU hospital bed. He had made it through surgery and the doctors were pleased; but press them for information and they remained tight lipped, only stating that the next twenty-four hours were critical. Elizabeth had gone home to feed the dog, though she'd be back later with an overnight bag; knowing that Peter would refuse to leave until Neal was stable.

Though stable was an arbitrary word as the doctor had painstakingly explained; nothing is stable with a brain injury. For now Neal would stay in a medically induced coma and on a respirator to allow him to rest and his brain to heal.

Peter rubbed his red, swollen eyes and then studied the man he considered a friend. Surprisingly Neal had no other broken bones...just cuts and a deep thigh contusion where the car had made contact. Peter had later learned that Neal had flown up in the air and come down with his head slamming into the concrete, causing his brain to swell and the emergency surgery to open his skull had saved his life. His skull would remain open indefinitely but with all the bandages around his head it was hard to tell.

Peter reached over and ghosted his fingers along Neal's arm, finally settling them between Neal's cold fingers, squeezing gently.

"You still owe me two years" Peter whispered, "and you better pay up." Sighing Peter removed his hand and settled back in the chair, knowing it wouldn't be long before they kicked him out for the night.


	19. Chapter 19

"Peter, I'm ready. Please let me go tomorrow." Neal hated pleading but the agent was being stubborn about the stake out and Neal wanted...no needed... to prove he was ready.

"Peter?"

Peter was leaning back in his chair and staring at Neal; in a way that always made Neal feel like he was a child.

"Neal, are you ready to go back to June's?" It was the same argument Peter had been using for the past month, whenever Neal wanted to do something that Peter didn't feel he was up for.

Neal looked away with a small shake of his head. "They're not the same" Neal said in a quiet tone.

"Neal, why rush it? You hated the van before the accident, and I would think you'd be happy not to go. Besides, it's a simple case and you'll be more useful to me here."

"Don't patronize me" Neal spit out angrily. "And stop protecting me like I'm a child." Neal reached for the office door.

"Neal, I'll be ready to go in thirty minutes."

"I have plans" Neal countered before the door slammed shut.

"That went well" Peter muttered as he watched Neal walk away.

* * *

"Peter, he's fine. Stop staring at your watch and eat dinner." Peter glanced at his wife before lowering his gaze to the plate in front of him. He was worried about Neal and the last thing he wanted to do was eat.

"I should track his anklet" Peter whispered as he stabbed a piece of turkey with his fork.

"No you shouldn't. Peter, just because he's living here doesn't mean he has to check in with us. He's probably having dinner with Mozzie tonight."

Sighing Peter continued to pick at his food, though he ate very little.

"Peter, what happened today?"

"I don't know" Peter admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. "He thinks I'm too overprotective..."

"Are you?" Elizabeth asked.

"Depends on whose side you're on" Peter responded evenly.

"Why are there sides?" Elizabeth reached over and grabbed Peter's hand. "Peter, you're always telling Neal he has to accept his differences. Maybe it's about time you do the same."

"I do." Peter recoiled from Elizabeth's touch.

"Do you?" Elizabeth sat up straighter and eyed her husband. "I can spend a whole evening with Neal and not notice anything. You're staring at his hands just waiting for them to shake so you can make a point that he's not ready to move on. Maybe it's you that's not ready to move on."

"El, I'm with him all day and I see him struggle."

"Is he struggling? Peter I don't see it."

"I don't know" Peter admitted after a few minutes of awkward silence. "Sometimes I think the accident messed me up as much as it did Neal."

Elizabeth smiled wearily as she again reached across the table and gently took Peter's hand. "That's the first thing you've said tonight that I agree with."

"I called his doctor today" Peter quietly stated as he stood from the table with his plate of uneaten food.

"Peter, you have to be more specific. Neal has several doctors he still goes to." Elizabeth followed her husband into the kitchen shaking her head when he bent down and gave his plate to the dog.

"The one who looks like Gabe Kaplan" Peter answered with a chuckle.

"Ah you mean Ben" Elizabeth corrected with a roll of her eyes. "So, why did you call him?"

"I want to see him..."

"You're going to a psychiatrist?" Elizabeth interrupted with her voice full of concern. "Peter has it been that hard for you?"

"Not for me." Peter sighed, though he was starting to wonder if he needed to talk to someone. "I need to know if he sees what I see and if there's something I should be doing to help Neal."

"Do you think Neal would want you to do this?"

"No." Peter shrugged as he finished up the dishes.

"Are you going to tell him?" Elizabeth grabbed a plate and quickly washed a spot that Peter had missed ignoring the look he gave her.

"Maybe...I don't know." Peter glanced at his watch. "He agreed to meet me tonight at his house so I better get ready."

"Is this the opposite of a house call?" Elizabeth called out to her husband's retreating back. "I'm starting to worry more about him than Neal" Elizabeth said to the dog who only whimpered in response.

* * *

Peter parked in front of a house that rivaled the size of June's mansion. He whistled as he walked up the long sidewalk that led to the front door and wondered, not for the first time, had he made the right career decision.

The door opened shortly after he rang the bell.

"Peter, good to see you" Ben said as he welcomed the agent into the house. Peter heard laughter and two small boys ran towards them.

"Hold on" Ben said as he grabbed a boy under each arm. "These are my youngest, Sam and Jimmy...twin terrors that just turned three and decided they enjoy the terrible twos much more."

"Cute" Peter said as the boys tried to wriggle away.

"Tommy!" Peter turned to see an older boy walk towards them. "Please take them upstairs and keep them quiet for the next hour."

"But Dad..."

"Tommy, play with them and don't tie them to the bedpost."

Peter laughed as the older one begrudgingly grabbed the twins by their arms and marched them towards the staircase.

"Three boys" Peter said with a chuckle. "They must be a hand full."

"Try five" Ben corrected with a weary smile. "The two older ones have baseball practice and my wife is away on a business trip which is why I asked you to come here."

"Wow." Peter chimed in.

"Yeah" Ben muttered as he led Peter to his office. "My wife wanted to try one last time for a girl and we had the twins instead. So we finally agreed our lot in life were boys and one day we'll hope for a granddaughter." Ben pointed to a huge leather chair and waited for Peter to sit before he sat behind his desk that was littered with drawings. "I'm sure you didn't come here to meet my family" Ben said as he tidied up the desk. "I'm assuming you want to talk about Neal."

Peter nodded but remained quiet, unsure how to begin.

"Something happen at work?" Ben prompted when he noticed the agent's hesitation.

"Sort of" Peter said. "Neal wants to go undercover again and he wants to go in the van but I still see him struggling and I'm not sure he can handle more."

"And you came to me for?"

"I need to know if you see what I see or if I'm making too much of it" Peter answered with an embarrassed shrug.

"Peter, what do you see?" Ben leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk, with his eyes on the agent.

Peter seemed to shrink a bit under the scrutiny and his eyes darted around the large office filled with pictures of his family.

"I thought the stuttering would be better but some days it seems worse."

"He doesn't stutter" Ben put forth.

"But..."

"Peter, let me explain this in a way I think you'll understand. You take the same road to work every day. Now one day there is construction and the road is closed so you find a new route and it's crowded with the usual drivers and drivers like you finding a new route. So it's slow and it's frustrating and eventually you get to where you need to go." Ben paused briefly. "The brain is a wonderful organ and it learns to compensate for the damaged areas. So the neurons take a new route but they need to mingle with other neurons and so it can be slow while they learn to co-exist. Does that make sense?"

Peter shrugged.

"Neal's processing center was damaged so while you and I can easily find the words we need in conversation it sometimes takes Neal longer to find the correct words so it gives a sense of stuttering when that's not truly the case."

"But sometimes he's fine" Peter insisted. "Why does it come and go?"

"I'm assuming its worse when he's tired or stressed or feeling under the weather. Again we compensate when our bodies are taxed but Neal can't do that yet and he may never be able to. I do have him working with a speech therapist and I think eventually this will lessen."

"He wants to be put in stressful situations. How is that going to help him?"

"It's his job" Ben stated firmly. "And I'm hopeful that he will adapt and these situations won't be as stressful as they are now. Neal and I talked about the van. Do you know how you can help?"

"No. Most days it seems I'm clueless where Neal is concerned."

"No you're not." Ben stood and studied a large picture of his family. "You may not be the most conventional family around but you suffer just the same watching him struggle. It might be a good idea for you to talk to someone and I can recommend a doctor if you're interested." Ben turned but Peter wouldn't meet his gaze.

"As for the van, try some air fresheners and a little fan to keep the air circulating. Keep a sketch book in there so Neal can draw during the long hours. It will keep his mind busy and he'll be less likely to panic."

"What about the shaking?"

"I truly believe that is anxiety but he won't let me treat him with drugs. So all I can do is talk to him and help him work through what's bothering him. You can do the same but you need to be patient with him. Peter, if he were a child, it would be much easier. But he's not and you have to remember that.

"He told you I'm overprotective right?"

Ben nodded. "Just yesterday we were discussing that. He truly does appreciate what you and your wife have done, but he's expressing the need for more freedom and I do think he's almost ready to move out. How would you feel about that?"

Peter shook his head; if he truthfully answered he would say he was just overwhelmed with everything since the accident. "Maybe I do need someone to talk to" he said instead. Ben nodded and quickly went through a stack of business cards and handed one to Peter. "There's nothing wrong with needing a little help."

"Thank you." Peter stood and took a step towards the door. "This is truly a journey I never imagined having to go through."

"Nobody does" Ben said as he led Peter out of the house. "You can call me anytime" he added and then stood in the doorway, watching Peter as he walked away.

* * *

Peter entered his house and dropped the bags he was holding, not surprised to see his wife up and waiting for him.

"What did you buy?" Elizabeth started going through the bags.

"Stuff for the van and to keep Neal busy in the van."

"What are the ear plugs for?" Elizabeth held them up.

"They're for me so I don't over react when Neal starts whining." He grabbed them from his wife. "Is he here?"

Elizabeth nodded. "He's reading in bed and now that you're home I'm going upstairs to do the same. Are you going to join me?"

Peter nodded. "I need to talk to Neal first." They walked upstairs together but Peter turned towards the guest room.

"Don't be long" Elizabeth said as she entered the master bedroom.

Peter knocked softly on the door. "Neal, are you awake? Can I come in?" He heard his friend say yes and slowly opened the door to see Neal sitting in the recliner by the window with a book in his lap.

"Robert Parker?" Peter questioned, unfamiliar with the author.

"Do you remember a TV show called Spenser for Hire?"

Peter nodded yes.

"He wrote the books the show was based on" Neal explained as he closed the book. "If you're looking for something to read, I would highly recommend him."

"I'll remember that" Peter commented as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Can we talk?"

Neal nodded as he sat up straighter and intently watched the agent. "Is it about tomorrow?" Neal asked, somewhat hopeful.

"Neal I don't want there to be any secrets between us so I'm letting you know I went to see your psychiatrist tonight."

"About?" Neal asked cautiously.

"I needed to know if I'm being overprotective with you and it seems I might be...just a tad." Peter held his fingers slightly apart to make his point.

"Most than a tad" Neal countered, gesturing with his arms wide open.

"Whatever" Peter muttered. "You can come on the stake out tomorrow but..." Peter pointed a warning finger at his partner. "You must be completely honest with me in the van. Any indication that you're having issues I want to know immediately, understand?"

"Sure." Neal smiled. "Anything else?"

Peter stood. "Get a good night's sleep." Peter walked out, closing the door quietly behind him.

* * *

Peter was bored as he watched out the window occasionally glancing over his shoulder to where Neal sat in the back of the van. The deal was taking much longer than anticipated and they were all growing weary with the hours spent doing nothing. But Neal was fine...busy drawing with a bottle of water next to him and the fan nearby.

"Neal, are you ok?"

"Peachy" the ex con answered with one of his famous fake smiles. "Do you think we'll be done by dinner?"

"We better be" Peter muttered to Jones who sat in the driver's seat. "How did Diana get out of this?" Jones asked, as he fidgeted in his seat.

"She drew the right straw" Peter said as he joined Neal in the back of the van. He grabbed a pad of paper and quickly drew some lines. "Loser does the dishes tonight...if we ever get home for dinner." Neal nodded and quickly placed an X in the center. "Peter..."

"Yeah?" The agent glanced up after placing his O.

"Thank you" Neal whispered, "For everything."


	20. Chapter 20

"How did you accumulate so much stuff?" Peter huffed as he followed Neal into his apartment and dropped the suitcases on the floor. Neal didn't bother to answer as he walked around the place he had called home for almost four years. It reminded Peter of another homecoming and he couldn't believe how much time had passed since Neal was released from the rehab center.

"Neal, you ok?" Peter strolled near the balcony door, next to his friend. "Neal, you can still stay with us if you need to." Peter was surprised when Neal had suddenly announced that he was ready to move back to June's house.

"Peter, why is this so hard?"

"Why is what so hard?"

Neal turned away from Peter's concerned look and plopped himself down at the table and stared at the long ago forgotten chess game.

"Neal, what is so hard?" Peter sat down across from his friend.

"Being on my own" Neal finally answered as he picked up a pawn and moved it.

"Neal, I can't answer that" Peter admitted. "I can only offer you a place to stay if you want to come back."

Neal stared at him. "Why are you acting so weird?"

"What do you mean?" Peter countered.

"You've been too nice lately...too agreeable." Suddenly Neal's eyes widened. "You're on something, aren't you?"

"Neal, I'm not taking drugs." Peter stood abruptly and walked away, knowing Neal was watching him.

"Then what is it?" Neal followed closely much to Peter's annoyance. "Peter is something wrong with you? You know I don't need anything else to worry about." Peter stopped and turned to face his friend. "I told you I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about."

Neal whipped out his cell phone. "Do I need to call Elizabeth and ask her?"

"She won't tell you anything" Peter said.

"Aha, so there is something to tell." Neal smiled smugly. "Peter?"

The agent sighed deeply as he stared at his friend. "Fine" he muttered with a shake of his head. "If you really want to know I'll tell you." He was hoping Neal would stop him with an understanding I don't need to know but of course the younger man didn't utter a word, just stared at Peter and waited.

"I've been seeing a psychiatrist for the past few weeks...no big deal."

Neal continued to stare, silent for a change. "Seems like a big deal to me" he quietly said, as Peter refused to meet his gaze. "It is because of me?"

"Neal, not everything is because of you."

"But this is" the ex con insisted.

"Neal, sit" Peter ordered, pointing to the sofa.

"It's not because of you" Peter repeated as he paced in front of the sofa. "It's because I still feel guilty about how the accident happened. It's because I hate watching you struggle and I want to protect you but I know I can't. It's because I stay up at nights worrying and wondering what's going to happen to you when you're a free man." Peter paused and stared down at his partner. "If you would accept the job offer, one less thing I'd have to worry about." Neal looked away with a shake of his head, still unable or unwilling to commit to the job.

"When did you become my father?" Neal quietly asked.

"Not a clue" Peter answered, chuckling.

"Peter, why didn't you tell me?" The agent shrugged as he turned away from Neal's piercing eyes.

"Is it helping?"

"I guess" Peter replied, unconvincingly. "At least I know how I feel is normal for the main caregiver..."

"Don't say that word."

"What word?"

"Caregiver" Neal answered with a grimaced. "It makes me feel like I'm ninety and in diapers." Peter stared down at his partner with a small smile playing on his face. "Well the diaper part..."

"Peter!"

"Ok, ok." Peter backed up with his hands held high, still smiling. "I will say the nurses took care of that part and I always looked away so your dignity is safe with me."

"Oh god" Neal moaned as he lowered his head in defeat. Peter sat down next to Neal and placed a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Neal, I don't think you realize how far you've come in two years."

"I don't remember much" Neal admitted as he continued to stare at the floor. "It seems the more time that passes, the less I remember." Neal glanced sideways. "Is it the same with you?"

"I wish." Peter leaned back and closed his eyes, the memories all too vivid and easily recallable.

"Sorry Peter."

"Why? What are you sorry for?"

Neal shrugged. "I don't know. Not sure what else I should say."

Peter scooted up and mirrored Neal's position, both staring at the floor.

"Looking for something?" Peter asked when the silence grew awkward. He heard a chuckle from the man beside him and considered it a small victory.

"We will both always carry scars from that day but it's time to move forward." Peter slid an arm around the younger man's shoulders. "Do you think we can put the accident behind us?"

"I'm not the one with the memories" Neal whispered with a shuddering breath.

"No, but you're the one who worked hard to get your life back" Peter countered, before standing up. "Neal, we took some pictures the first week after the accident. When you're ready, I'll show them to you."

"Someday" Neal said wistfully.

"OK." Peter glanced at his watch. "I'm going to take off. Call me if you need to." Peter stood still for a few minutes but Neal wouldn't meet his gaze so he turned and walked out of the apartment.

* * *

Peter stifled a yawn as he entered June's house after a sleepless night of tossing and turning. It had gotten so bad that Elizabeth had ended up in the guest room so she could get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

"How is Neal?" Peter asked as June neared him.

"Fine" she said, scrutinizing his face. "He's upstairs eating breakfast and I'm sure he could spare you a cup of coffee."

With a slight groan Peter passed the older woman and took the stairs two at a time. He found Neal on the balcony, nursing his coffee as he read the morning paper.

"Morning Peter" Neal said brightly, staring at his partner. "I'd say good but you're looking a little peaked. Didn't sleep well?"

Peter snarled at him as he quickly poured himself a cup of coffee. "Italian Roast" Peter said with a smile, savoring the taste.

"Are you ready to go?" Peter asked before drinking the last drop in his mug.

"Of course" Neal said as he stood, looking as immaculate as usual.

"Wait a minute" Neal said as he quickly turned back to get his hat, flipping it on his head.

"I was hoping you'd forget that trick" Peter muttered as Neal grinned at him with the hat tilted slightly.

"Never" Neal said. "Its part of my charm, don't you think?"

"Whatever" Peter said as Neal kissed June lightly on the cheek before leaving.

"Neal's back" June whispered as Peter walked by her and the agent could only nod, hoping she was right.


	21. Chapter 21

NOTE: Last one into the past and only one more chapter after this.

* * *

Peter leaned against the wall and loosened his tie. He figured this is what a parent felt like getting called into the principal's office to talk about your child. But Neal wasn't a child and this wasn't a school and the news Peter received wasn't what he had expected to hear. The rehab felt it was best for Neal to go home; not that they thought he was completely ready but they said being in patient was doing more harm to his psyche and he would benefit mentally with outpatient therapy.

Lately Neal was having difficulties following rules and he would not cooperate with his therapists no matter how much Peter begged him to behave. But more concerning he wasn't sleeping well or eating enough food to keep his current weight up and there was talk of a feeding tube if he continued to not eat.

Going home would make everything easier and Peter should have been happy but the timing was bad; Peter had to go to Quantico for a week of recurrent training and he didn't want Neal out until he returned home. The ex con was a handful and Peter felt he was the best to handle Neal especially lately with all his mood swings. He had convinced the doctors to keep Neal for one more week, now he just had to break the news to the patient.

It was nearly 2pm but Peter wasn't shocked to find Neal's lunch still sitting on the tray next to the bed and his partner curled up in bed with his back to the door. Peter read the daily reports and knew this was a common scene; he figured the rehab's version of a timeout. But still, after everything Neal had gone through, Peter wasn't about to let him starve to death.

The food was long past appetizing if it could be called that in the first place; a bowl of soup that had gelled beyond recognition and a plate of chicken with vegetables. This place was consistent Peter thought wearily as everything on the tray needed a fork or spoon even though Neal still had trouble using silverware. Peter moved the tray and sat lightly on the edge of the bed.

"Hey Neal" Peter quietly said as he patted the younger's man leg. "I'm going to the cafeteria to get you some food and you will eat when I get back." Peter's voice was calm and soft but the point was crystal clear as Peter stood and walked out.

He returned to find Neal in the same position.

"Neal, sit up." Peter nudged him several times until the younger man got up, though he refused to meet Peter's gaze or question why the agent was there during the day.

"You're going to eat lunch and then we're going to talk." Peter carefully removed the club sandwich from plastic wrap and placed it on a plate, cutting it with a plastic knife. He handed the plate to Neal and then tore open a bag of chips, taking one before placing it on the bed next to his partner.

And Neal ate, as he always did when Peter was there. Peter wasn't sure if he should be happy or angry that Neal put up such a fight when he wasn't around. He waited until the sandwich was nearly gone before starting the conversation.

"Neal, they have decided it's time for you to go home." For the first time Neal looked at him, his eyes a mixture of sadness and disbelief. Peter was hoping for a smile or some sign of happiness but he received nothing.

"Try to reign in your excitement" Peter spit out with a whole slew of bitterness. Neal just turned away with a slight sigh.

"Neal, there is a catch" Peter continued. "I have to go out of town for a week of training at Quantico and you'll go home when I return."

"Why?" Neal stared at his friend. "Why can't I go...now?"

"Because I seem to be the only one who can get you to eat and I don't need you giving Elizabeth or June any problems while I'm gone."

"Peter...I'll eat. Please." Neal bit down on his lower lip and he turned his head to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. Peter felt bad, but he truly believed this was the right thing to do.

"Neal, I'll be checking with Elizabeth every day and I want to hear that you're eating three meals a day. If not, when I get back you'll be going to the hospital to get a feeding tube placed."

Neal was outright crying at this point and Peter felt awful...he reached out and rested his hand on Neal's head, rubbing gently. "It's only a week and you won't be alone...Neal, you'll be ok." Peter stood and cleaned up the remains of Neal's lunch, knowing his friend wasn't going to finish. "Neal, one week...I promise." Neal had curled up again with his back to Peter so the agent walked out.

* * *

"I never thought I'd say this but I have to give the suit credit." Mozzie glanced sideways at Elizabeth. "I'm not sure how he deals with this on a daily basis."

Elizabeth sighed. "Why did he try to escape?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

Elizabeth shook her head no.

"Not going to stop me" Mozzie continued. "He shouldn't be here and you know it. The suit decided he had to stay for an extra week..." Mozzie threw his arms up in disgust. "The government's middle men are ruining this country." Mozzie neared the bed. "And they do this to him. Unbelievable." He stared down at Neal. "Why did they have to sedate him?"

"It was to protect him. Mozzie he was out of control and so..."

"Unlike himself" Mozzie finished. "He hasn't been Neal since the accident."

"Now you sound like Peter" she put forth as Mozzie sat down again. "It's a brain injury and it's going to take time. Give him time to heal ok?"

"Are you going to tell the suit?"

"Not until he gets back" Elizabeth answered. "He's having enough trouble concentrating and if I told him this, he'd probably skip the last few days and come running."

"He does seem to listen to Peter" Mozzie admitted in a quiet moment of clarity.

Elizabeth reached over and gently placed her hand on top of Mozzie's hand. "Peter cares about him and Neal knows that. It will get better, I'm sure of that."

* * *

It was after midnight and Neal was eating dinner with some subtle help from Elizabeth. He was still groggy from the medication and his words were hard to understand but Elizabeth had deciphered that he was worried about the feeding tube and needed to eat dinner. So she ventured out to find a fast food restaurant that was still open and returned with a burger, fries and a chocolate shake.

A few fries had disappeared in the car but the rest Neal devoured at a rapid pace with a few bites of the burger when Elizabeth intervened.

"Neal, are you still hungry?"

He shook his head no but eyed the shake that still remained.

"How about we split this?"Elizabeth suggested as she grabbed a paper cup and poured some into it. She handed the remainder to Neal and he took a couple of sips before placing it on the table. Elizabeth easily finished her part, trying to remember the last time she had a shake, and vowing to work out a little extra in the morning.

"I talked to Peter earlier and he's doing well and can't wait to get home."

Neal's eyes widened briefly.

"Don't worry I didn't tell him what you did."

Neal visibly relaxed. "I'm sorry" Neal whispered with more clarity than earlier.

"I know you are" Elizabeth countered. "And you're going home in two days so it's not that long."

Neal settled back in bed.

"Are you tired?"

"No" he answered and she wasn't surprised. "Do you want to play a game?" He shrugged and Elizabeth took that as a yes and found Scrabble in the closet; a game the therapists often used to help Neal relearn his alphabet and how to spell. He was reading on his own again but he still had trouble spelling and the game was slow and tedious. Elizabeth easily won but Neal was determined and challenged her to another round.

It was during the fifth game that Neal's eyes were half mast and Elizabeth didn't think she'd last much longer.

"Neal it's nearly three in the morning, how about we try to get some sleep?"

"Can we finish...tomorrow?" Elizabeth nodded as she carefully moved the board and placed it on the floor, out of the way.

"Neal, do you need to use the bathroom?"

"No."

"Are you sure?" Neal glared at her and if looks could kill, Elizabeth was a goner. "OK, then" she quietly said, tucking in the blankets around him.

"Goodnight." She sat with him until he fell asleep and then tried to get comfortable in the recliner.

"I don't know how Peter does this" she whispered, echoing what Mozzie had said earlier that day.

* * *

Peter quietly walked into Neal's room much to Elizabeth's surprise.

"Peter?" She rushed to greet him. "I thought you were coming home tomorrow."

"Hey hon." Peter leaned down to gently kiss her. "I skipped the dinner and took an earlier flight home. I figured I'm more useful here." He glanced at the bed. "Why is Neal sleeping so early? Is he sick?"

"It was a long day yesterday" Elizabeth whispered before pulling her husband into the hallway. Quickly she explained what had transpired.

"Sorry you had to go through that" Peter said, rubbing his suddenly aching head. "El, why don't you go home and get a good night's sleep. I'll stay with him tonight."

"Peter, are you mad?"

"No." Peter shook his head with a deep sigh. "It was a lot to ask of Neal and I'm more pleased he's eating again."

"Peter, tomorrow night you're mine. Don't forget that." Back in the room Elizabeth quickly gathered her things, and kissed Peter once more before leaving.

"Peter...is it...tomorrow?" The agent turned to see Neal wide eyed and staring at him.

"Not yet buddy." Peter neared the bed and gently settled Neal down, fixing the blankets around him. "I hear you had a rough day yesterday so go back to sleep."

"Elizabeth told you."

"Yes Houdini, she did."

"I still get...tomorrow I go right?" Neal propped himself on one elbow.

"Yes, you get to go home tomorrow but don't think you're rid of this place." Peter laughed at the look Neal gave him. "And no more magic tricks, got it?"

"You're staying tonight?"

Peter nodded yes.

"Good." Neal leaned back against his pillows. "Mozzie hates this place and Elizabeth..." Neal paused, shrugging. "I missed you" he whispered, before turning his back on Peter, clearly embarrassed.

"I missed you too" Peter said, ghosting his hand down Neal's arm. Peter sat with him until Neal's breathing evened out and he was sure the ex con was asleep.

I didn't miss this he thought wearily as he sat in the uncomfortable recliner, hopefully for the last time.


	22. Chapter 22

NOTE: I decided to just go ahead and post the last chapter, though I'm sorry to put this one to rest. Assuming I keep it at rest. I do appreciate all who have read this and left comments.

* * *

"Neal, take a breath and calm down. You know I can't understand you when you're stuttering."

Neal glared at Mozzie but he did what his friend said and took a few deep breaths.

"Peter's...mad...job."

Mozzie had met with the suit earlier that day so he knew what was going on but he felt it was better that Neal didn't know they were conspiring behind his back. Peter had asked for his help in convincing Neal that the job offer was his best option for the future. Mozzie agreed but he wasn't sure Neal would accept his input.

"OK, Peter's mad, correct?"

Neal nodded his head yes.

"And I assume it's about the job that Hughes set up for you at the bureau."

Again, Neal nodded his head in confirmation.

"And you haven't said yes, have you?"

"No."

"Neal, why don't you want the job? You don't have any other options do you?"

Neal's eyes narrowed in anger.

"Ah hah" Mozzie muttered as he hit on the root of the problem. "You feel like you don't have a choice in the matter, right?"

Neal turned his back on his friend but his refusal to answer spoke volumes.

"Neal, in two weeks you become a free man. I have no doubt that June will allow you to stay here but then what? You can't go back to your old life of conning. What will you do?"

Mozzie glanced upward wondering if a lightning bolt could strike inside but he had to side with the suit this time. Neal had formed such a strong bond with Peter and his wife, Mozzie wasn't sure Neal could survive without them.

Pre accident Neal would have taken off the minute the anklet was off; though Mozzie was sure he would come back eventually.

The post accident version was another story. Neal could still con with the best of them but only in a controlled environment set up by the FBI. Mozzie knew he'd be toast the minute he tried something unsavory on his own.

Mozzie strolled over to the balcony door and stood next to Neal who was staring out at the lit up skyline of the city.

"Neal, I don't know if you want my opinion but that's never stopped me before." Mozzie glanced upward but Neal wouldn't acknowledge his presence. "Neal, I think you should take the job because you need the security they can offer you. And you need Peter in your life..." Mozzie paused, again looking upward for the wrath of god. "It doesn't have to be permanent. I'm sure if you find something you'd rather do...the suit will back you...as long as it's legal." Mozzie chuckled, sighing when Neal said nothing.

Mozzie took two steps back. "Wonderful talking to you Neal" he said, his words blistering with sarcasm. "Call me anytime" Mozzie added, as he headed towards the door.

* * *

"Elizabeth, what are you doing here?" Neal opened the door to let Peter's wife in.

"Neal, I see you once a week for dinner and you cancelled on us. Peter said you weren't feeling well." Elizabeth studied him. "You look fine to me. Want to tell me what's going on?"

"Peter already has" Neal muttered.

Elizabeth smiled with a slight nod of her head. "I brought dinner for you and it's still warm." She started placing dishes on the table. "Sit down and eat and then you're going to tell me what's wrong." She let him eat in silence, pleased as always to see Neal with an appetite. He still hadn't gained all his weight back and he seemed more fragile than before the accident. She knew the job offer was at the heart of their issues and Peter meant well, but he wasn't always the easiest to deal with when he didn't get his way. And when he felt he was right he rarely gave the other person a chance to voice their side.

"Thank you" Neal said as he finished the last of the stew. He cleared the table and quickly washed the dishes, returning with two mugs and a freshly brewed pot of coffee.

"Neal, if you don't take the job, what are you planning on doing?" Elizabeth took a sip of her coffee, savoring the taste.

"It's not that...I don't...damn" Neal swore as he spilled the coffee over his hand.

"Quick, put it under water." She led him to the sink and turned the faucet on.

"It doesn't look too bad" Elizabeth commented as she inspected his hand.

"I...my...hands." Neal hid his right hand behind his back, waiting for the shaking to subside.

"Neal, Peter told me your issues were more pronounced this week. I think you're stressing over this job offer and I'm sure fighting with Peter isn't helping. Am I right?"

"Now you sound like my doctor." Neal walked away and plopped on the sofa.

"Neal, what do you want to do when you're free?" Elizabeth pulled a chair close and sat down. "Please tell me the truth."

"I want to travel...I want to get on a plane and go somewhere." Neal smiled wearily. "I haven't been free for eight years."

"OK." Elizabeth nodded. "You can't travel forever. I'm sure Peter can give you some time. What are you going to do when you 're done travelling?"

"I don't know."

"Are you totally opposed to accepting this job?"

Neal shook his head no.

"Then why don't you take it?"

"Mozzie was right." Neal said, looking just miserable.

"About what Neal?"

"He said I couldn't walk away from Peter...that I need him in my life."

"And that scares you?"

"Yeah." Neal stood and paced a few steps. "I never needed anyone...before I did what I wanted...and no one cared if I lived or died."

Elizabeth watched him pace, wishing she knew more about his previous life and the family dynamics that completely messed up his head.

"Peter's a good man and he cares about you. Neal, you found a life here and that's a good thing, nothing to be scared of. Maybe in the long run, that accident was a blessing in disguise." She heard Neal snort at that and had to admit that nothing was probably worth what he had to go through.

"Neal, all I mean is you have us, Mozzie and June. You have a family here and it's ok to need people."

Neal stood with his back to Elizabeth and pondered her words. She was right; he had finally found a place to call home but that came with responsibility and he wasn't sure he could be the person they wanted him to be.

"Elizabeth, what if I screw up?"

"Do you plan on it?"

"No." Neal shook his head.

"Then don't worry about it. How long do you plan on traveling?"

Neal walked back and sat down with his hands clasped together and his eyes focused on the floor.

"I thought maybe a month" he finally answered.

"OK. Where do you want to go?"

Neal looked up with the first genuine smile Elizabeth had seen in a while. "Somewhere in Europe" he said. "I always wanted to show Paris to Kate."

"I would love to see Paris" Elizabeth said longingly. "But I haven't been able to get Peter to agree."

"I can show you Paris."

Elizabeth laughed. "I can't take a month and I doubt Peter could either."

"How about two weeks?" Neal suggested. "You guys can meet me there and we'll come..."

"Come home together" Elizabeth finished for him. "Neal, before we spring this on Peter you need to decide about the job. Will you take it?"

"I always wanted the job" Neal admitted. "I just don't want to let Peter down..." Neal shrugged. "I'm not sure I can live up to his expectations."

"Don't worry about Peter." Elizabeth stood. "Let's go tell him he's taking a vacation."

* * *

"Do I get a say in this?" Peter sat heavily in the chair, opposite of the two conspirators.

"No." Elizabeth smiled sweetly. "Neal is going to take a month's vacation and we're meeting him in Paris."

"Kind of short notice, don't you think?" Peter felt like he was being ganged up on but Elizabeth's excitement was catchy. Not to mention that Neal was smiling like a Cheshire cat.

"Peter, can you work it out with Hughes?"

Peter shrugged and then eyed his partner. "Are you sure about the job?"

"Yeah" Neal said nodding. "But I want the vacation beforehand."

"OK." Peter rubbed his chin. "Paris..."

Peter stood, and walked a few steps away. "Neal, are you going to be ok by yourself?"

"Peter, I'll be careful and no shenanigans" he added with a huge grin.

"Elizabeth, you really want to go to Paris?" That was a rhetorical question but Elizabeth nodded yes.

"OK, I'll work it out at the bureau." Peter turned to Neal. "Do you want a lift home?"

"No." Neal headed towards the door, knowing they needed time to talk this out. "I'll take a cab. See you tomorrow."

"I need to call my sister and make sure she can take Satchmo." Elizabeth walked out leaving Peter alone; left to ponder what the heck had just happened.

* * *

Two weeks later, the Burkes stood with Neal in the international terminal of JFK airport.

"You have your passport?"

"Yes, Dad" Neal answered, eyes rolling.

"Don't talk to strangers and don't lose your cell phone. And you better answer when I call."

"Peter, stop" Elizabeth said firmly. "You've gone over this with him numerous times and he's not a child."

"That's debatable" Peter muttered, ignoring the look Neal gave him.

"Peter, you have the address of your hotel in Paris, right?"

"I do." Peter answered. Everything was set for their vacation but he knew he was going to spend the next two weeks worrying about Neal. An announcement was made over the intercom and they all listened intently.

"That's me." Neal said as he picked up his carryon bag. "I guess I'll see you guys in two weeks."

"You don't get away that easily" Elizabeth said as she flung her arms around him, hugging tightly. "Have fun."

Once Elizabeth let go Neal turned to Peter.

"Be careful" Peter whispered as he wrapped his arms around Neal.

"I will." Neal smiled at them both before turning around and heading towards the gate, finally a free man.

"He'll be back" Elizabeth said placing her arm around Peter's waist.

"I know" Peter agreed as they walked towards the exit.


	23. Chapter 23

NOTE: Decided to resurrect this story and see how Neal is doing.

* * *

"What do you mean he's missing?" Peter's eyes darted from Diana to Clinton before he slammed his hand against the car, wincing in pain.

"It was a simple meeting..."

"There's nothing simple where Neal is concerned and if you weren't blindsided by your guilt..."

"Diana" Jones warned, noting Peter's face.

"Sorry boss" Diana mumbled, eyes lowered to avoid Peter's glare.

"What happened?" Peter asked after taking a deep calming breath. He had had important budget meetings all morning so he'd sent Neal with Jones and Diana, just to keep him busy.

"Boss, he was shaky all morning, you had to have seen that." Peter nodded reluctantly. It was quite obvious when he dropped his coffee and the mug shattered in several pieces. Neal had assured him it was an accident and he was fine. And Peter had seen what he wanted to see.

"The guy was a creep and Neal was stuttering and he made fun of him and started laughing."

"Neal knows to ignore comments. Why was today any different?"

"I don't know boss. I noticed he was..." Diana shrugged and glanced at Jones.

"He looked like he was about to cry" Jones continued, "So Diana sent him to the car to get her notebook. We thought he would just stay there and wait but he was gone when we were finished."

"OK." Peter nodded. "I'm sure he'll show up later. Diana, why do you think I'm blindsided?"

"It's nothing boss" Diana mumbled.

"Tell me and that's an order."

Diana eyed Jones who simply shrugged...she was on her own for this one.

"Do you think it was a mistake to hire Neal?" Peter asked.

"No sir" Diana answered promptly. "Even after the accident Neal is smarter than any of us. But there are times when he's not...right...and today was one of those days. Peter, you don't see him like the rest of us do. Or you don't want to admit the truth to yourself."

"Because I still feel the accident was my fault?" It was a question that no one was willing to voice an answer to.

"What do you want me to do?" Peter leaned heavily against his car. "He can do the job and you know it. You saw him last week; he was brilliant closing that case."

"Boss, I've noticed something and it might help."

"Go on" Peter encouraged, willing to listen.

"He seems to be worse after he has to go undercover. It takes so much out of him that I think he needs a few days just to unwind and do desk duty."

"OK, I can live with that but I'm not sure Neal would agree."

"Don't give him a choice. You're the boss" Diana added.

"Some days I wonder" Peter quietly admitted. "Go back to the office. I'm going to try to find Neal." He waited for them to leave before taking out his phone.

"Damn it Neal" Peter muttered when the younger man didn't answer.

* * *

"Peter, come to bed." Elizabeth leaned against her husband and wrapped her arms around him. "Neal will be fine."

It was past midnight and Peter was doing his best not to panic. Neal was an adult and he was a free man and he could do whatever he wanted to.

But he was also a man who suffered a brain injury and would probably never be who he was.

"El, it's not like Neal to disappear. I'm starting to think something has happened to him."

"Hon, something did happen to Neal" Elizabeth gently reminded her husband. "And every day he has to live with it." Peter turned and faced his wife.

"He'll come to you when he's ready."

"I know." Peter sighed as he hugged his wife. "Would you be upset if I sat down here for a while?"

"I wouldn't expect anything else" Elizabeth retorted as she pulled away. "Come on Satch" she said as she walked upstairs with the dog trailing behind.

Peter gazed out the window. On days like this, he wished Neal still had his tracking device.

* * *

Nearly three hours later, Peter heard footsteps and cautiously approached his front door, opening it when he spied his partner through the window.

"Neal, what you are doing here?" The younger man reeked of alcohol and not the kind he normally drank...or used to drink.

Neal took two steps forward before stumbling.

"Easy." Peter carefully steadied him with both hands.

"Neal, where have you been all day?"

"Nowhere" he answered, trying to shake away Peter's grip.

"Really?" Peter released his partner and walked away, shaking his head. "Do you understand you have a job and that means you do the job until you go home? You can't leave because you want to. Neal, what happened today?"

"Please Peter. Can...we do this tomorrow? I just want...to sleep."

Peter studied him. "Neal, you could have gone home and slept. Why are you here?"

"I should go." Neal turned to leave but Peter moved quickly and blocked the front door. "Elizabeth would kill me if I let you go home looking like that. Come on, let's go upstairs."

"The couch is fine."

"Upstairs." Peter pushed Neal in that direction. Once upstairs, Neal veered off towards the bathroom.

"How is he?" Elizabeth asked as Peter plopped down next to her.

"Not a clue."

They heard a crash and before Peter could move Neal yelled he was fine.

"He sounds ok" Elizabeth remarked as she snuggled close to her husband.

"Define ok" Peter whispered before reaching up and turning the light off.

* * *

"Good morning! Or should I say good afternoon?" Peter lifted his eyes from his computer as Neal staggered into the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed casually in a pair of jeans and blue t-shirt.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Neal sat down cautiously.

"You took a sick day and I'm working from home."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"Neal, what do you need?" Peter closed his laptop and offered Neal his complete attention. "You disappear yesterday and show up at my place in the middle of the night. I asked you last night and I'll ask you again, what are you doing here?" Peter's voice grew loud with anger.

"You...said...I don't know." Neal turned away, avoiding Peter's angry glare.

"Neal, what did I say?" Peter calmly asked as he watched Neal struggle with his shaky right hand, finally crossing his arms so it was hidden against his body.

"I just thought if I...if I needed to talk, you'd listen. You said we were family." Neal whispered the last part, almost afraid to say it.

Peter leaned back in his chair. Neal continued to stare anywhere but at the agent, clearly embarrassed by his admission.

"Neal, you're right and you're welcome here anytime. But this isn't hotel Burke. You don't get drunk and expect to sleep it off here."

"I wasn't drunk..."

"Neal, I could smell it."

Neal chuckled softly as he stared at his hand, the part of his body that still disobeyed him on a daily basis. Finally he held his hand up, allowing it to shake freely.

"I spilled my drink all over me...that's what you smelled. I shake, I stutter and then..." Neal closed his eyes and counted to ten as he took a couple of deep breaths. "Then I get upset...when others make comments."

Peter reached over and gently grasped Neal's hand, as much to stop the shaking as to offer comfort to his friend.

"Neal, where is this coming from?" Peter released his friend's hand and settled back in his chair, with his eyes never leaving Neal's face. "I haven't heard you feel sorry for yourself in a long time."

Neal rested his head in his hands and fought to keep his composure, with his breathing loud and ragged. He heard Peter get up and the faucet running but he didn't move until something was placed beside him.

Gratefully Neal took the cup of water and drank greedily; his hands holding the plastic cup tightly between them.

Peter allowed him a few minutes of quiet solitude.

"Neal, talk to me. Please."

Neal glanced his way and smiled weakly as he gently rubbed his right thumb, willing himself to relax. "It has a mind of its own" Neal quietly said as he eyed the offending digit.

"Neal?" Peter coaxed when it was apparent the younger man was stalling. "Why are you feeling sorry for yourself?"

"Don't I have a right?" Neal countered defiantly.

"No you don't." Peter leaned forward. "Neal this isn't like you. You've worked so hard to get your life back..."

"But I want more" Neal interrupted. "Peter, the other day when Blake showed up...with his baby...it made me see what I'm missing...and I'll never get."

Peter shook his head and then gently rubbed at his neck. He knew of Neal's dream; the white picket fence and all that came with it but he also knew that the accident had changed the once carefree, charming man into a more timid, shyer version. One who had trouble approaching women and seemed more content alone in his apartment painting.

"Neal, Elizabeth has tried to set you up numerous times and you won't do it."

"I'm waiting for the magic pill that will stop the stuttering in the get...to know you phase."

"Unreal." Peter sighed audibly. "This is some pity party you're throwing. Maybe we should invite others to it."

"Peter, sarcasm is beneath you."

"And this is beneath you. Neal, there's more to this right?"

"Sara called."

Peter blanched. It had been a long time since he had heard that name. "Why did she call?"

"Because I called her" Neal answered nonchalantly. "Are you ok with that?"

"Neal, why wouldn't I be?"

"You said she left during...my drooling phase."

Peter snorted. "I don't think those were the words I used. Neal, your prognosis was uncertain and she got a new job and chose to take it. It was hard on all of us."

"But you stayed" Neal remarked, "and she didn't."

"So why'd you call her?"

Neal shrugged. "She knows who I used to be and maybe...I don't know." Neal chuckled nervously. "I won't know unless I try."

"True." Peter nodded. "When will she be in town?"

"Next week. Can we have dinner here?" Neal asked suddenly.

"No. Take her out on the first date. If there's a second, we'll invite you both for dinner. Deal?"

Neal nodded yes.

"Neal, is this what you want?"

The younger man shrugged. "I want to see if there's...anything still between us."

"Then go for it." Peter glanced down at the computer, work long since forgotten. "Neal, give me an hour and then we'll go out. Elizabeth is working a new show today so we can check it out and then go for dinner. OK?'

"OK." Neal stood.

"Peter..."

"Yeah?" The agent looked up.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now get out." He waved the younger man out of the kitchen and then opened his lap top, though his thoughts were on Sara. She cared for Neal ...at least the old version of the ex con. This version wasn't that different, just higher maintenance, and maybe...just maybe, she was just what he needed.


	24. Chapter 24

"Sara?" Peter opened the door wider, clearly surprised to find her standing on his front porch.

"Can I come in?" she asked after a few minutes of awkward silence. Peter didn't say yes but he stepped aside and allowed her room to enter.

"What are you doing here?" Peter's voice couldn't hide the anger simmering below the surface.

"I see you're still angry with me." Sara smiled weakly as she faced the agent.

"I'm not angry." Peter crossed his arms as he shook his head. "Sara, it's been over two years and you never called..."

"I never called you" Sara interrupted defensively. "I talked to June a lot during the first year and..." she paused. "Peter you said you understood when I left."

"I did. I do." Peter sighed loudly. "Sara, what are you doing here?"

"Neal called me."

"I know...I don't mean that. Here! Why are you here...in my house?" She looked away with a quiet sigh, suddenly wondering the same thing.

"I thought we could talk...about Neal" she said hesitantly.

"No." Peter shook his head vehemently. "I won't talk about Neal behind his back."

"That's not what I meant." Sara took a deep breath and then eyed the agent. "He speaks very highly of you. Peter I'm a little nervous ok? I'm not sure what to expect tomorrow night...how different is he?"

"You've talked to him on the phone. How does he sound?"

"For the most part, like himself." She noticed the hesitant speech and the occasional stutter but it wasn't glaringly obvious and Neal didn't seemed bother by it.

"Well, he looks like himself too" Peter's voice was laced with sarcasm.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you." Sara turned to leave but Peter reached for her arm. "Sara I'm sorry. You don't go through what he's gone through and stay the same. But he's still Neal."

Sara eyed the door but she didn't seem ready to leave and Peter knew there was more. "Sara, you flew in from Chicago for a date with a man you haven't seen in over two years. The last time you saw him he was in a hospital bed with his head half exposed. Why are you really here?"

"The job is going well but I'm alone and...Peter there was a time when I thought I loved him. Maybe I still do."  
"But you left" Peter remarked accusingly.

"I did" Sara agreed. "I just couldn't see him like that. Peter I was shocked when he called me and then I mentioned I was going to be in New York and he asked me out and..." she shrugged.

"Do you plan to move back here?"

"Peter, I really like my job and I have a nice house in the suburbs."

"So you're thinking of a long distance relationship?" Sara's body language spoke volumes and Peter knew he wasn't going to like this. She turned away from Peter's gaze and took a deep breath.

"Sara?" he prompted.

"If things work out I thought Neal could move to Chicago..." she paused, to gauge Peter's reaction. "Peter, you wouldn't stop him, would you?"

Peter worked hard to keep his anger at bay. "He's a free man and he can do what he wants." He kept his voice calm and his words neutral. "Sara, just remember he has a job and a life here."

"But he's not completely happy is he?"

Damn! Peter inwardly swore. It was obvious that Neal had talked to Sara.

"No, he's not" Peter conceded. "Sara I won't stop him but I will try to talk him out of it...if it gets that far."

"We'll see" Sara remarked. "It was good seeing you again Peter." Quickly, she exited the house, leaving a worried agent behind.

* * *

"Peter, please calm down." Elizabeth frowned, watching her husband as he paced like a caged animal.

"I should call Neal."

"You're going to call him while he's on a date?" Elizabeth asked in disbelief.

"El, she wants him to move to Chicago."

"That's a little premature, don't you think?"

"Is it?" Peter briefly stood still as he stared at his wife. "What if he chooses to move to Chicago?"

"Then you wish him luck and let him go."

"It's not that simple" Peter insisted.

"Yes it is" Elizabeth countered as she stood and approached her husband. "Peter, if he chooses to leave, you can't stop him."

"Even if I know he's making a huge mistake?"

"Hon, it's his mistake to make." She reached up and gently stroked Peter's face. "Peter, it's not your place to interfere. Neal has worked hard to get his life back and the decision is his to make." She chuckled at the look he gave her. "Besides, you're mine this weekend and I have plenty for us to do." Peter watched her saunter away with a shake of his head. Everything Elizabeth said was true and Sara could give Neal things he felt he was missing...but Peter still had a gut feeling this was not going to end well.

* * *

The weekend dragged and Peter was never so happy to see a Monday as he drove over to June's house to pick up Neal. He had listened to Elizabeth and never called, though at times he found himself checking his phone for any missed messages from his partner. Quickly he parked; impatiently he waited until the front door opened and with a slight nod of his head he rushed passed the housekeeper and took the stairs two at a time.

"Neal!" Peter pounded on the door.

"Where's the fire?" Neal retorted as he opened the door and Peter rushed in. "And why are you so early?"

Peter's eyes took in the apartment and he spied two place settings on the table.

"Sara just left for the airport" Neal answered before the question came. "And everything would have been...cleaned up if you were on time." Neal strolled towards the mirror in order to fix his tie.

"So she spent the whole weekend here?" Peter asked casually.

"I'm a big boy." Neal eyed his partner suspiciously. "Peter is something wrong?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

Peter nodded. "So, the date went well?"

Neal smiled before nodding. "It did."

"And what's next?"

"I don't know." Neal pushed Peter towards the door. "Since we're early...and you're so jumpy let's stop and get some real coffee. My treat" Neal added as he shut the door behind them.

* * *

"Caffrey, what did you do?" Neal glanced up to see Diana glaring at him.

"I didn't do anything and I don't...have a clue what you're talking about."

Diana's eyes narrowed. "Peter's been in a mood all day and it has to be you."

Neal flashed one of his patented smiles. "Not this time. He's been like that since he picked me up this morning...and I haven't seen him all weekend."

Neal's smile faded as they both heard Peter yelling at an intern. "My suggestion...stay away from him" Neal offered as he turned back to his computer.

"Neal, you need to fix this" Diana muttered as she walked away.

"Fix what?" Neal asked aloud as he glanced towards Peter's office. It was going to be a long ride home he warily thought as he eyed the wall clock.

* * *

Long ride was an understatement. If Peter wasn't yelling at other drivers he was yelling at Neal to stop touching the radio. Neal wanted it louder so he could tune Peter out.

When they pulled up to June's house Neal didn't move.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Peter's what's wrong? Did you and Elizabeth have a fight?"

Sighing Peter leaned back against the headrest. This wasn't the time or place but...

"Neal, what's next with you and Sara?"

"I don't know." Neal answered. "Is...that what's wrong?"

"You live here and she lives in Chicago. How is that going to work?"

"Peter...why...is...that your...concern?"

Peter could hear the agitation in Neal's voice as the stuttering worsened. "Please calm down" he quietly said.

"Don't...tell...me." Neal paused and took a deep breath. "Peter, you need to stay out of this...please."

"Neal. I can't. Not if I think you're making a mistake."

"What mistake?"

Peter turned, eying his partner. "Did Sara ask you to move to Chicago?" The minute the words were out, Peter knew he screwed up.

"Sara...talked..." Neal shook his head. Sara had never said anything about talking to Peter.

"You talked about me?"

"No!" Peter answered strongly. "Neal, it wasn't like that."

"Really?" Neal spit out as he opened the passenger door. "You had no...right..."

"Neal, wait." Peter jumped out and ran after the younger man.

"Peter, go home." Neal tried to shut the front door but the agent wouldn't allow it.

"Neal, Sara came to see me. Not the other way around. You need to hear me out." Peter followed Neal into his apartment.

"Neal, stop." Peter watched as the ex con recklessly cleaned up the morning dishes, tossing them into the sink. One fell to the floor and shattered; Neal finally stopped moving as he stared at the broken pieces, a visible reminder of his miserable life.

"Neal, leave it." Peter grabbed his partner before he could clean up the mess.

"Let go."

"No." Peter easily wrestled him to the ground and held on, much to the dismay of his struggling partner.

"Neal, you're shaking too much. Calm down and listen to me." Peter was larger and stronger and Neal finally had no choice but to stop fighting and hear Peter's words. The agent spoke softly and truthfully as he explained the conversation he had with Sara and his fears about Neal moving away. Neal remained quiet but Peter could feel the tension ebbing from the ex-con as he leaned lightly against the agent.

"How's the shaking?" Peter asked as he lifted Neal's hand, before firmly enclosing it in his. "It's ok Neal" Peter quietly soothed as they waited out the shakes.

Peter knew this was what scared him the most. At times, he seemed to be the only one who could get through to Neal and he had his doubts Sara could handle him. He imagined panic phone calls in the middle of the night from Sara or worse... from the police.

Neal earned the right to be free and Peter wanted that for him but he would always be held hostage by an unforgiving brain and certain traits deemed unacceptable in a judging society.

Neal leaned forward, removing his hand from Peter's grasp.

"What if I left?" he asked quietly. "Would you still be here?" With his back to him, Peter couldn't see Neal's face but he understood the meaning of those questions. Would Peter turn his back? Could their friendship survive the distance?

"I'll always be here" Peter answered just as quietly, as he firmly gripped Neal's shoulder. "Can't promise about the job" he added wistfully. Silently he hoped it would never come to this, that Neal would realize how much his life and job in New York meant.

"Neal, are you hungry? Elizabeth is going out tonight so I'm free. We can order a pizza."

"Sure" Neal said as he carefully stood with his legs a bit unsteady. "I should...clean that" he mumbled, eyeing the broken glass.

"I will clean up" Peter said as he quickly sprang to his feet and nonchalantly kept his hand on Neal's elbow until the younger man gained his balance. "Last thing I want is a trip to the emergency room. You go order the pizza."

"OK." Neal shuffled away looking for a takeout menu. Peter watched him. If he couldn't convince Neal, he would talk to Sara. Ask her to move back to New York; maybe she could get her old job back. Yes, she could offer Neal what he thought he needed but taking him away from New York would be a disaster...one Peter wouldn't let happen.


	25. Chapter 25

He knew it was coming long before he found it on his desk.

He saw it; In Neal's walk and his words and the smile that never seemed to leave his face when he talked about Sara.

He was happy in a way Peter hadn't seen since the accident. He stuttered less and the shaking was almost non-existent

The long distance relationship was working but he knew it wouldn't last; he knew this day would happen.

Peter was suspicious when Neal said he'd meet him at work. The younger man wouldn't look at him when the agent passed by.

He saw the envelope and his name, clearly written in Neal's handwriting.

The resignation letter was neat and professional and Peter just stared at it, trying to digest the words.

He noticed the little sticky note inside the envelope. This was personal and addressed to Peter.

_I need to do this_

Peter glanced up and caught Neal watching him. Peter looked down; at the letter shaking slightly in his hands. Neal would give up his life here for a chance at love and the white picket fence he always dreamed of. But Peter also knew; deep down he knew this was a mistake.

"Peter. Are you ok?"

The agent nodded as he placed the letter back in the envelope, refusing to look at his partner.

"What are you going to do with that?"

"Give it to Hughes" Peter simply answered. "Wish you well and move on."

"And that's it?"

Finally Peter looked up. "What do you want me to do?"

"You could say you'll miss me."

"And I could also say you're making a huge mistake" Peter countered, with a hint of anger. Neal smiled weakly.

"You won't stop me, will you?"

"How could I?" Peter eyed the clock. "We have a meeting in ten minutes."

"Business as usual" Neal remarked with a small sigh before walking out.

"Of course" Peter muttered, already dreading what the future would bring.

* * *

The two weeks passed quickly and Peter did his best to keep his emotions at bay and his demeanor around Neal professional.

It wasn't easy for any of them. Elizabeth was hurting as were June and Mozzie. Each day and each going away party or lunch brought them all one day closer. Tonight was the worst. This was the final one, at June's, and Peter was having a hard time.

"Hey hon."

Peter glanced over his shoulder.

"What are you doing out here?" Elizabeth leaned heavily against her husband as they stared at the New York skyline.

"I've always loved this view" Peter quietly said.

"You're missing the party" Elizabeth said. "June went all out for this one."

"I know." Peter sighed. "Just not in the mood. Would they notice if we left?"

"Peter, you would do that to Neal? You know he leaves in the morning."

"El, how can I stand by and do nothing?"

"Because you have no choice." she answered, wrapping her arm around his waist.

"I don't think Sara has any idea what she's getting herself into."

"She loves him" Elizabeth stated.

"How do you know?" Peter asked, eyeing his wife.

"We had a talk" Elizabeth admitted with a slight smile. "Last time she was here we met for lunch..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Girl talk. I didn't think you'd be interested."

"And?" Peter prompted as he leaned against the wall.

"And nothing" Elizabeth said as she mirrored Peter's position.

"I told her to call if she needs any advice."

Peter chuckled. "You mean to put Neal back together when he cracks."

"Peter, you don't know if that's going to happen."

"Elizabeth, it will happen...maybe not tomorrow or the next day but it will happen. Neal can function here because of us and everyone out there pretending they're happy for him." Peter paused and closed his eyes to stop the tears that threatened to escape. He felt a hand on his cheek and then arms pulling him close.

"Peter, it will be ok" Elizabeth soothed quietly. "We're here if he needs us."

"No." Peter said as he pulled away. "We're too far away...we won't be there and I'm not sure Sara can handle a crisis."

He pulled his jacket tighter. "I'm sorry. I can't stay here and pretend like the rest of you. I'll see you later." Elizabeth ran after him but in the crowd of people he easily snuck away.

"Where did Peter go?"

Of course Neal had to see him go. Elizabeth smiled.

"He wasn't feeling too well." She took his arm. "Come on. I want to hear that duet you and June have been promising. Let's go enjoy the party."

* * *

"What are you doing here?" It was 2am and Peter had just started on his third beer after a heated argument with Elizabeth.

"Can I come in?" Neal asked.

Peter stepped aside.

"Mozzie called me. You asked him to take me to the airport."

Peter waved the bottle he was holding. "I probably won't be up to it" he admitted.

"And that's it?"

Peter shrugged.

"You left tonight without saying goodbye. Peter I know you're not happy about this...but you couldn't even say goodbye?"

"You left once without saying goodbye" Peter countered, remembering a time long past.

"Peter, that's not the same. Why...are...you so against this?"

"Why?" Peter bellowed. "I talked you off the ledge in the hospital. And I'm the one that stopped you from blowing your brains out. Can Sara handle you if..?"

"If what Peter?" Neal calmly asked. "Do you think I'm going...to fall apart...if I leave?"

"It has crossed my mind" Peter answered. "Does Sara know how you react if you don't get enough sleep or eat right? Is she going to understand if you have to sleep all day because you're fighting a simple cold? Have you told her any of this?"

Neal remained quiet.

"Have you found a new doctor in Chicago? Does Sara know you're still seeing a shrink?" Peter sighed. "Yeah, I'm worried. I'm afraid I'm going to get that call in the middle of the night and I can't come running..." Peter paused long enough to take a sip of beer.

"You're not my father Peter...maybe this will do us...both good."

"Maybe" Peter muttered with no conviction.

"Goodbye Peter." Neal waited...hoping the agent would say something. But Peter remained quiet, eyes focused on the floor.

Without another word Neal walked out.

* * *

"Mozzie, you're early." Neal rushed to get the door.

"Peter" Neal said, clearly surprised to see him.

"We thought we could take you to the airport" Peter said, hesitating before he walked in. "Elizabeth is waiting in the car."

"OK." Neal waited while Peter squirmed.

"Let me see your phone" the agent said suddenly, grabbing it out of Neal's hand.

"Wanted to make sure you didn't delete me after last night."

Neal chuckled softly. "Not a chance" he said.

"You call me, day or night, you got it?" Peter returned the phone.

"I will. I promise. I have a few more things to pack."

Peter nodded.

"Wait." He grabbed the younger man and hugged him tightly. "Goodbye Neal" he whispered.


	26. Chapter 26

"El, look at this." Peter slapped several sheets of paper on the table and it took Elizabeth a few minutes to realize what she was looking at.

"You saved Neal's emails?" she asked incredulously. "Peter, you're not chasing him" she added bitterly, allowing a hint of what those years were like.

"No, it's not like that." Peter shook his head as he arranged the emails in a line. "Something seemed off so I asked a tech to retrieve the emails from my trash. Read this!" He pointed towards the oldest one. "This is four weeks ago. The grammar and spelling are perfect." Elizabeth glanced quickly at it, chuckling quietly as she read Neal's description of his new neighbors. Peter was right. Grammatically it was perfect and silently she read through the emails, shaking her head with the realization that they were no better than women, gossiping about everything.

And Peter was right about something else. Each email was progressively worse and the last few were extremely difficult to understand.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked, as Peter carefully picked up the letters and stuffed them in a manila envelope.

Peter eyed his wife. Elizabeth had been part of Neal's recovery from the beginning but there were things she didn't know; things kept secret per Neal's request.

"Peter, what is it?" Impatiently she waited as Peter turned his back. "Peter, don't." Elizabeth grabbed his arm and gently forced him to turn. "We've been through this together since the beginning. What's going on with Neal?"

Peter sighed as he glanced at the envelope he was holding. "Neal's writing is a lot like his speaking. He can write but it's difficult and tedious..."

"But the first email..."

"Had to be written by Sara" Peter remarked.

"How often did you write Neal's reports?"

Peter shrugged. "I've never seen his writing as bad as the last few emails" he quietly said.

"And do you know what's causing it?" Elizabeth sidled up to her husband and wrapped her arms around his waist, with a gentle squeeze.

"I think so" Peter mumbled as he pulled away. "About a month ago he mentioned looking for a job and asked if I would be a reference."

"OK" Elizabeth prompted when Peter grew quiet.

"I tried to be supported but I knew he'd have trouble even getting an interview..." Peter chuckled softly. "He was getting discouraged and I offered to call in some favors..."

"And he got angry" Elizabeth finished for him.

Peter nodded. "He stopped taking my phone calls and refused to answer my emails." Peter sighed. "The last three emails came today one after the other and I can't decipher any of them."

"I assumed you called him."

"He won't answer."

"What about Sara?"

"Left her a message...actually several" Peter added with a shake of his head.

"Are you thinking of going to Chicago?"

"No." Peter answered firmly. "They know where I am if they need me."

"But you're not going to stop worrying until you hear from him, are you?" It was a rhetorical question that Elizabeth already knew the answer to.

"Elizabeth, my gut tells me he's in trouble."

"Peter, he'll call you."

"What if he can't?" Peter slammed the envelope on the table and walked out.

* * *

"Hey." Diana looked up as Jones approached her. "How is he today?" He pointed towards Peter's office.

"Same as he was yesterday. And the day before" Diana answered with a sigh. "If he doesn't find Caffrey soon, I'm sure Hughes is going to bench him."

"Maybe Neal doesn't want to be found" Jones suggested.

"Look!" Diana said as they both turned towards the door.

"Wonder what she's doing here" Jones mumbled as he eyed Peter's office.

Peter stood; ready to pounce as Sara quickly made her way towards his office.

"Now that's one conversation I don't want to hear" Jones remarked as he walked back to his desk.

* * *

"Where is he?" Peter bluntly asked the moment she stepped in.

"Hello to you too" she countered bitterly. "I was hoping he was here but I guess not." With a deep sigh she sat and waited for Peter to do the same.

"You got my messages. You must have known he wasn't here."

"My phone doesn't work" Sara quietly admitted. "I sort of slammed it against the wall when I found this." She produced a piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to Peter.

_**I'm sorry. I tried. **_

Peter read the note several times before leaning back in his chair and studying the woman across from him. "You look like hell" he remarked, noting the dark circles under her eyes.

"Haven't slept since Neal took off" she said as she ran a hand through her unruly hair. "I've checked every place he knows and I can't find him. It's been almost a week since he left."

"Wait a minute." Peter took out the envelope and glanced through the emails. "These were sent to me three days ago." He gave them to Sara.

"I don't understand them."

"Me neither. But at least we know he tried to contact me."

"Doesn't help much, does it?"

"No" Peter admitted. "I've sent him several emails asking him to call me but he hasn't read them. Sara, what happened?"

"He was bored. One day I found him staring at the blueprints for the Art Museum..."

"What?" Peter shot out of his chair.

"He swore he was just looking" Sara continued. "But I told him he had to get a job..."

"And that didn't go well, did it?"

"No." She shook her head. "We practiced the interviews over and over and he could answer every question without stuttering but once he got in there he couldn't keep it together."

"Sara, you know what stress does to him." Sighing, Peter sat down heavily. "I offered to help but he got angry with me. Why did you ask him to go to Chicago? I told you it was a bad idea."

"And you're always right, aren't you?"

"In this case, yes" Peter answered matter-of-factly.

"What if I told you it wasn't my idea?" Sara defiantly crossed her arms. "I offered to move back here but Neal wanted to move to Chicago. Peter he needed a change."

Sara watched a myriad of expressions cross Peter's face but she had to turn away as he fought hard not to show how hurt he was.

"Peter, he didn't want to hurt you so he didn't tell you the truth."

"He's free to do what he wants" Peter said evenly after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"Peter, he loves you. You are everything he didn't have growing up but..."

"But he left to get away from me" Peter finished as he stood. "Sara, I think we're done here. I don't know where Neal is."

She refused to move. "No, we're not done. Peter, please sit down." Sara didn't realize she was holding her breath until Peter took a deep breath and sat, glaring at her.

"You warned me and I didn't listen. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe." Sara sighed nervously. "He told me you chose the clothes he wore..."

"No." Peter shook his head. "June puts his clothes out at night because he stresses..."  
"Peter I know." Sara held her hand up to shush him. "I invited him to a business dinner and I came home to find him in his boxers crying. He was having a meltdown because he wanted to look right and he couldn't figure out what to wear." Sara rubbed at her eyes and then glanced at Peter

"Sara, it's not his fault" Peter said soothingly. "It wasn't all bad was it?"

"No." She smiled weakly. "There were days when he was fine... and other days... I don't know. Guess I still don't know what sets him off."

"It's never the same" Peter admitted. "It's all checks and balances where Neal is concerned. Sara I did everything I possibly could to give him a life here..."

"And I ruined it" Sara said. "Peter I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Not mine either" Peter added bitterly. "I never realized how upset he was with me."

"He wasn't upset. Peter he just wanted his life back and he thought a change of scenery would help."

"And how did that work out?" Peter asked.

"Not well. Peter what do we do next?"

"I don't know. " Peter stood and stared out the window. "The longer he's out there alone..." Peter paused, knowing he didn't have to voice his concern. "Sara did you fill out a missing person's report?"

"I did."

"Good. I've called a friend in Chicago and he's pushing the police to get Neal's face out there. Someone will find him."

"Can't we do anything?" Sara stood. "I can't sit here and do nothing."

"Sara go home. We know he has his cell phone so maybe he'll call you."

"And if we find him? Peter what happens then?"

"Sara, do you love him?"

She nodded.

"Then we work together and convince him New York is his home."

"Peter, I'm willing to move back here but I don't think I can live with him. Not yet." She smiled sadly. "I need to learn more...about his injury first."

"We'll deal with that later" Peter said. "We'll keep in touch until we find him ok?"

She nodded before walking out.

"OK Neal." Peter went back to staring out the window. "Time to stop sulking and call me" he whispered. Silently he hoped it was that simple.


	27. Chapter 27

In the grand scheme of things it was just another day for Peter Burke as he ambled around his office, the sun shining brightly, illuminating his office like nothing else could.

If only his mood matched. He sat roughly at his desk and checked his emails, hoping against hope that he'd find one from Neal. Seeing none, he pushed the mouse away and leaned heavily against his chair, allowing his eyes to close for a brief moment.

It had been two weeks since Sara had shown up and there had been no signs of his former partner. Two weeks spent flying to Chicago as often as possible to keep Neal's name in the loop and help out when possible...or get in the way as they had told him several times.

Peter rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands as he emitted a long, shuddering breath.

"Burke." Peter tried to focus his blurry eyes.

"Yeah?" he muttered as his boss became clearer.

"In my office. Now." There was no denying that tone and Peter jumped up, quickly following the older man.

"Sit." Meekly, Peter obliged.

"I just got a call from a sheriff in Alton, Illinois."

"Where?" Peter asked.

"It's a small town north of St Louis" Hughes continued. "He has a man in his jail that sounds suspiciously like Neal."

Peter stood abruptly.

"Sit." Hughes glared at him and waited for Peter to comply. "This man refused to divulge any information about himself. He finally gave up your name when threatened with being committed."

"Committed" Peter quietly muttered. "For what?"

Hughes shrugged. "The man was picked up for loitering and they thought he was drunk. It took a couple of days for them to realize he had other issues but he wouldn't give up any personal information so they kept him locked up for his own safety."

"I guess the fear of a hospital did the trick" Peter finished.

"Guess so" Hughes agreed.

"What happens next?"

"I suggest you go bail him out" Hughes offered.

"And?" Peter prompted as he glanced towards his team.

"Peter, this place does not have a revolving door."

"Reese, please." Peter pleaded. "If I can convince him to come back, does he have a job here?"

Sighing loudly, Hughes looked away, unwilling to eye his best agent. "Peter, if I allow him back he must be willing and able to perform his job." He chuckled softly. "Don't think I'm not aware of what goes on around here."

"Not sure what you mean" Peter remarked.

"You know what I'm talking about" Hughes countered as he shook his head. "Stop protecting Neal and let him do his job. Now get going, you have a plane to catch."

Hughes dismissed Peter who raced out of the office, already dialing the necessary numbers on his cell phone.

* * *

It was nearly midnight when a blurry eyed and short-tempered FBI agent pulled up to the jail in the middle of town.

Peter hurried in; thankful the sheriff was willing to meet him at such a late hour.

"Hello" a young man said, jumping up from his chair. "You must be Peter Burke."

Peter reached for the man's outstretched hand. "You're the sheriff?" he asked incredulously.

"Mike Stevens. At your service" the sheriff quipped with a bright smile. "We're going to miss blue eyes" he said, chuckling at the look Peter gave him. "My secretary named him." He shrugged. "It seemed more humane than hey you, don't you think?"

Peter took a deep breath, as he scrutinized the fresh faced kid who stood before him. "Just how old are you?" he finally asked.

"Old enough" Mike remarked evenly. "It's late and my wife has called several times." He handed Peter a clipboard. "Fill out the release forms and he's free to go."

Peter nodded as he quickly glanced through the pages.

"Can I ask what's wrong with him?"

Peter looked up. "Head injury" he quietly said.

"Is that why he shakes?"

Peter shrugged. "Partly" he answered. "I'm assuming he hasn't eaten much."

"No." Mike took some papers from his desk drawer. "He draws a lot. This one is intriguing." He handed it to Peter.

"Not very subtle Neal" he mumbled as he stared at the picture. It was a perfect sketch of the New York skyline encased in a row of prison bars. A stick figure wearing an oversized fedora was seemingly trapped behind the bars.

"What does it mean?" Mike asked.

"Blue eyes is feeling sorry for himself" Peter replied with no malice as he handed the clipboard to the sheriff. "I think I got them all. Can I go see him?"

Mike took a set of keys and handed them to Peter. "He's the only one back there. Drop the keys on the desk before you leave."

With a nod of his head, the sheriff walked out.

"This sure isn't New York" Peter muttered in amazement as he found himself alone in the office.

* * *

Peter walked along a row of cells, all empty except for the last one. He swallowed hard as he stared at Neal; seated on a makeshift bed with his head lowered and his eyes closed.

Peter took a deep breath, weeks of emotional turmoil threatening to overwhelm him.

"Hey" he managed to eke out in a quivering voice. Neal glanced up and stared at Peter with unfocused eyes.

"Neal?" Peter quickly found the right key and unlocked the door. He lowered himself to the bench and gently grabbed Neal's shoulders, forcing the younger man to look at him.

"Hey buddy" he quietly said. "You knew I'd find you eventually."

Neal managed an indignant snort before leaning his head against the wall.

"Yeah, I know" Peter admitted as he silently took in his friend's condition. "If it wasn't for the phone call..." Peter paused as he rested his hand on Neal's head. "Ready to get out of this place?"

Neal nodded as he leaned forward and rested his head against Peter's shoulder, gripping the agent's suit jacket in the process.

"Miss me?" Peter whispered as his hand ghosted along Neal's back.

Neal grunted his reply.

"Hey, we need to get out of here." Peter tried to free himself from the awkward embrace.

"No" Neal said as he leaned against the wall and glared at Peter. "I'm not going...back."

Peter wasn't sure if he meant Chicago or New York and he was just too damn tired to have this conversation. "Neal, we're just going to a hotel, ok? You'll get a good night's sleep and we'll talk tomorrow."

Once Neal nodded yes, Peter stood and glanced around the small cell. "Anything here you want to take with you?"

"No." Neal attempted to stand but sat down quickly when his legs gave out.

"What the hell have you done to yourself?" Peter questioned as he wrapped an arm around Neal's narrow frame and helped him to his feet.

"Don't matter" Neal answered.

"You do matter" Peter countered as he roughly dragged his friend towards the car.

* * *

And just like that, they both slipped into familiar roles. Neal wanted to take a shower and Peter tried to talk him out of it. Neal insisted and Peter backed down, though he kept a keen ear near the bathroom and knew the exact moment the shower became a bath.

Nearly an hour passed before Neal called out and quietly admitted he needed help getting out of the tub. The look of humiliation on Neal's face devastated Peter as he quickly and silently deposited the younger man on the toilet seat.

And now they sat, each on the edge of a bed with the offending peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the nightstand beside them.

It was the best Peter could do at a twenty- four hour Walmart, and having already eaten two sandwiches, he knew they tasted fine.

The more Peter pleaded with Neal to eat, the more stubborn Neal became.

Realization hit Peter like a ton of bricks. He missed Neal and he wanted him back in New York but he couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't go back to being the caretaker, the person who had to beg Neal to take care of himself.

And the thought sickened him. If he didn't do it, who would?

"I need some air." He shot out of the room without looking back.

* * *

The sun was coming up when Peter returned. Neal was lying sideways with his feet dangling near the floor. The sandwich was gone except for half the crust and a glob of jelly, solidified on the paper plate. Neal had scribbled sorry on hotel stationery and left it in the plate.

"Is this why you left?" Peter quietly asked with a weary smile. "I'm guessing it's harder on you than anyone." He bent over and carefully swung Neal's legs on the bed, waking him in the process.

"Peter?"

"Shush. Go back to sleep." Peter grabbed the pillow and eased it under Neal's head.

"I'm sorry" Neal whispered as Peter covered him with the blanket.

"Me too" Peter countered as he fixed the blanket, allowing his hand to rest on Neal's stomach.

"Stay" Neal mumbled sleepily as he grabbed Peter's hand tightly.

"Not going anywhere." Peter sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed and waited, watching Neal struggle against the sleep he so desperately needed.

It wasn't long before Peter was able to ease his hand away and settle in his own bed, sleep coming rather easily to the tired agent.


	28. Chapter 28

Neal slept. Peter paced and made phone calls and tried to figure out the best future for his friend. He managed to get Neal up twice to use the bathroom and get some Gatorade down him but that was it and he was sure Neal wasn't aware either time.

As the time hit twenty -four hours Peter approached his friend and knelt down.

"Neal." Peter tapped his chest. "Come on, time to get up." Neal stirred and sleepily pushed Peter's hand away.

"No" he mumbled, trying to turn in the process. But Peter wouldn't let him and after a few minutes of feeble struggling Neal gave up and slowly opened his eyes.

"I'm...tired" he slurred as he batted Peter's hands away.

"Neal, you've slept enough. Eat some food and if you're still tired you can take a nap." Peter tried to reason with the younger man.

"Tired" Neal repeated but he stopped struggling and to Peter's surprise he grabbed one of the agent's hand and brought it towards his chest.

"It's ok...you can give...up" Neal quietly said, giving the agent an out.

"No" Peter said firmly when Neal's words became clear. "There's nothing to give up. Now come on, stop stalling." Peter snatched his hand away despite Neal's protest and pulled the younger man to a seated position, keeping a firm hand on his shoulder.

"You need to eat and we need to talk."

"No." Neal swayed slightly beneath Peter's hold. "I give up" he said refusing to look at Peter. "No more" he muttered as he leaned towards the pillows, struggling again against Peter's grip.

Peter was stronger and easily kept Neal from lying down; he pulled Neal towards him, wrapping him in both arms and simply waited out Neal's ebbing strength.

A few minutes later and after a protesting groan, a worn out Neal leaned against him with his head resting against Peter's chest. Neal omitted a muted sob and Peter sighed, as he ran a hand along Neal's back, knowing this too he could wait out.

* * *

An hour later, after a modified shower and a couple of scrambled eggs Neal was contently watching a marathon of The Twilight Zone and Peter was watching Neal. The ex-con kept both hands hidden but it was obvious how badly they were shaking and Peter wondered how much the move to Chicago had set him back. And to think Neal left because of him.

Too busy wallowing in his own self guilt Peter didn't notice that Neal was staring at him until the younger man cleared his throat.

"Self-awareness is overrated" Neal remarked.

"What do you mean?" Peter leaned forward in the chair and eyed his friend.

"Can you imagine crying...in front of the woman you love and knowing you...can't stop?" Neal turned away with a small sigh and rubbed his hands together nervously. "And wishing your best friend was there...to fix it" he added so quietly Peter barely heard.

"It was your decision to leave" Peter remarked bluntly. "You left to get away from me."

"Too simple."

"Then explain it to me" Peter spit out. "Sara said she was willing to move back to New York."

"It was easier this way" Neal insisted.

"For who?" Peter countered harshly as he stood.

"For all of us" Neal answered calmly. "You treat me like a two year old..."

"No!" Peter interrupted loudly. "I treat you like a grown man who can't remember to eat right or get enough sleep. You have absolutely no regard for your own health even knowing how a simple cold affects you." Peter stopped long enough to take a breath. "But you're right. I can't do this anymore. I can't help someone who won't help himself."

"That's why...I'm not going...back."

Peter simply stared at him, breathing hard.

"Neal, stop being an idiot" Peter evenly said.

Neal smiled which only angered Peter more. "Peter, it's best for everyone."

"No, it's not" Peter retorted as he paced the small room. "Where do you plan on going?"

"Maybe I'll stay here" Neal answered as he returned his attention to the TV. "Always wanted to go fishing." Neal glanced sideways as Peter paced a small circle. He didn't want to anger Peter but he also knew how much happier the agent seemed when he was gone. Peter finally sat with a loud thud and the room was silent except for the TV.

"You want to stay" Peter said, breaking the silence. "Fine. You stay, I stay."

Neal laughed. "Peter you have a life in New York. Go home."

"Neal, do you care about anyone but yourself?"

"I'm doing this...for everyone" Neal responded angrily.

"Really?" Peter stood and approached the ex-con. "Martyrdom doesn't suit you" he said, eyeing his friend.

"You really think it's best for everyone if you stay here?" Peter grabbed the remote and turned off the TV, eliciting a protest from Neal. Peter turned his back, sighing loudly.

"Neal, just listen to me." Peter faced the younger man. "I told you long ago that we're family and I meant it. Please look at me." He waited for Neal to comply. "I never wanted you to leave New York; that's your home and where you should be."

"But you said...we can't go on like this."

"I did" Peter admitted. "Neal, there are options out there. Ways to help you live more independent. But you have to be willing to try. Can you?"

Neal looked away.

"Neal I want to be your partner at work and your friend. I don't want to have to call you to remind you to eat or go to sleep or ask June to put your clothes out for the next day."

"I don't...always...remember" Neal whined, sounding like the petulant two-year-old that Peter remembered so well.

"Neal, are you willing to try?" Peter sat on the edge of the bed.

"I want to go fishing" Neal said suddenly. "Take me fishing...and I'll think about it."

Peter rubbed his forehead, trying to erase the pounding headache that had been building for the past hour.

"Neal, you're in no shape..."

"There you go again" Neal interrupted.

"Fine." Peter stood. "You prove to me you can walk to the boat unaided and I'll take you fishing."

"But..."

"No buts." Peter shook his head. "Take the next couple of days to build up your strength and we'll go."

"Don't you need to go back?"

Peter smiled wearily. "I already said I'm not going back without you."

"Think your wife might have an issue with that?"

"Probably" Peter agreed. "Do we have a deal?"

"We have a deal" Neal answered.

"Good. I'm going out to get us some food. Don't go anywhere."

"Like I can" Neal muttered once the agent left. Neal grabbed the remote and turned the TV back on. He had no intention of going to New York; once his strength was back he'd figured out his next move.


	29. Chapter 29

He circled the room like a caged animal, occasionally glancing at the man calmly seated at the desk. After three days of being cooped up in the small hotel room, Peter wanted to go home. Neal, on the other hand, seemed content to sit all day and sketch in the small book Peter had purchased at a store down the street. Neal was quiet and obedient...he did everything Peter asked o f him and slowly regained his strength and the ability to get through the day with minimum issues.

The quietness unnerved Peter the most; he knew Neal was planning something, so he spent most of the day watching his friend and waiting.

"Peter."

"What?"

"Are we still going tomorrow?"

Peter nodded as he studied his friend. Neal wouldn't explain why a fishing excursion was so important but he held up his part of the bargain so Peter had no choice. Neal had wanted to fish on the river but Peter said no and wouldn't budge on his decision. It had been years since he'd gone boating and he wasn't about to take that chance with waters as unpredictable as the Mississippi. Instead he found a lake nearby where they could rent a boat and all the equipment needed.

"Neal, are you hungry?"

The ex-con shrugged.

"How about we hit Denny's tonight and pick up some clothes for tomorrow?" Neal shrugged again and Peter could feel his anger rising as he took a calming breath.

"I need to get out of here. Get ready, we leave in fifteen minutes."

Neal nodded as he silently stood and wandered into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

* * *

It was obvious five minutes after Peter shut off the motor that Neal had no interest in actually fishing. He leaned against the side, resting his face on the edge as his eyes searched the endless waters. The pole was abandoned next to him, completely dry. Peter cast his pole; simply because it was there.

Peter glanced up as the sun threatened to peek around the clouds. It was going to be a hot day but it was early and a nice breeze kept it comfortable. Peter had insisted they both wear suntan lotion and Neal had begrudgingly smeared it on his face and arms.

The boat was spacious and Peter leaned back and stretched his legs.

"Did you go fishing with your dad?" Neal turned his head so he could see Peter's face.

"My grandfather" Peter answered with a shrug. "It was his way of spending time with his grandkids." The agent smiled. "He didn't say much but I loved spending my summers with him."

Neal glanced away.

"Neal, why are we here?"

"Mike talked about fishing with his son."

"Mike?" Peter questioned. And then he remembered, the young sheriff at the jail cell.

"He has kids?" Peter asked incredulously.

"Three" Neal quietly answered. "He talked about them all the time." Neal shifted and sat up straighter, rocking the boat in the process. "He was upset one day because I was there and he couldn't leave and he had to miss a promised fishing trip." Neal shrugged. "I told him to go but he wouldn't leave me alone."

"Neal, you haven't stuttered at all today." The ex-con rolled his eyes before slowly returning to his original position with his focus back on the water.

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Maybe...there...is...no...answer" Neal suggested, with an obvious fake stutter.

Peter turned his head as a small smile played on his face.

"Maybe I wanted to go fishing with...you" Neal whispered as he kept his eyes away from Peter's gaze.

"Is this a goodbye?" Peter asked evenly.

"I don't know" Neal admitted.

"Neal, look at me. Please." It took several minutes for the younger man to comply and though he faced Peter, he kept his eyes lowered as he suddenly found the fishing pole interesting.

"Why don't you want to go back? Neal it's your home and it's where you belong."

"I know...you get sick of dealing with me. Everyone does."

"No. I don't" Peter answered matter-of-factly. "But I do think you can do more on your own. Neal, you've refused to work with a therapist but I've talked to one and she can help you be more independent..."

"No..." Neal shook his head.

"Why not?"

"Because then I...have to admit...I won't get better."

"Hey buddy" Peter soothed gently, "it's not about that at all."

Neal closed his eyes to hold back the tears.

"Neal, calm down and take a deep breath." He watched anxiously as his friend tried valiantly to keep his composure. After a couple of sniffles and a swipe at the tears that managed to escape, Neal eyed him with a weak smile.

"I'm ok" he whispered.

"I know" Peter agreed. "Neal I can't legally force you to come back but I know we can make things better for you if you just try."

Neal turned away.

"Can you think about it?"

The younger man nodded and Peter sighed as he stared at Neal's fishing pole.

"Hey scoot closer." Both men inched towards the middle of the boat.

"Here, let me show you how to do this." Peter grabbed his pole and cast it outward. "Go ahead and try." Neal nailed it the first time and he laughed triumphantly.

"Show off" Peter muttered with no malice, pleased to see the ex con laughing.

"Do you think we'll catch anything?"  
"Maybe" Peter responded.

"Can we throw them back?"

"Of course." Peter smiled as he placed a hand on Neal's shoulder and squeezed gently. "It was never about the fish" Peter quietly said as his mind wandered back to those special summer days.

* * *

Peter angrily slammed the closet door as he made one last sweep of the room. He was going home to his wife and his dog and the life he longed to continue. But he was going alone; Neal had decided that he wasn't ready and wanted to stay. Where, he wouldn't say but Peter said he wouldn't force him to go and he planned to adhere to those words.

He checked out and exited the hotel. He saw Neal sitting on a bench near the parking lot and sat beside him.

"Sure I can't change your mind?"

"No."

"You'll call and let me know how you're doing."

"I will."

Peter glanced sideways at his friend. "Neal, I never talked about this but there something you should know."

Neal looked at him but remained silent.

"The day you awoke from your coma you were confused and probably in pain and you cried and made noises I hope to never hear again."

"I don't remember" Neal remarked evenly.

"I know and I'm glad you don't." Peter smiled wearily. "No one could calm you and they were thinking of sedating you again and Elizabeth..." he shrugged. "She couldn't stay in the room and they asked me to leave but I wouldn't go."

"Always the rebel" Neal put forth with a knowing smile. "Sorry Peter. I can't imagine how hard it was for you."

"That's not why I'm telling you" Peter said sharply. "I sat on the bed and I started singing to drown you out..."

"No way" Neal spit out. "Did you really?"

"Yeah, I did."

"What song?"

"I don't know" Peter admitted with a shrug. "It might have been a song but it turned in to nonsense, just words I strung together. But it worked. I'll never forget the look on your face as you watched me...

"Probably thought you were insane" Neal interrupted.

"You fell asleep" Peter continued as he ignored his friend. "I made you a promise that night as I watched you sleep."

"What?" Neal asked quietly.

"I said I'd always be there for you if you needed me."

"Peter, you have been."

"Yeah, I have." Peter reached into his pocket and grabbed a few bills and stuffed them in Neal's hand. "In case you change your mind that's enough for a cab to the airport." Peter stood. Without looking back he briskly walked to the car and drove away.

Neal watched the car pull away and then stared at the money in his hand. He stood and started walking, unsure of where he was heading.

* * *

Peter glanced at the boarding gate and then at his watch, hoping against hope that Neal would show up.

"Waiting for someone?"

Peter smiled, as he stared up at his friend, resisting the urge to jump up and engulf Neal in a bear hug.

"Changed your mind?" he asked casually, his tone belying the sheer happiness he felt.

"You sang to me. Couldn't let you take the wrath if I wasn't with you."

Peter laughed as he stood and hugged the younger man.

"Were you really going to leave me?" Neal asked as he pulled away.

Peter shrugged. "Plan B was chloroform and a body bag." He laughed at the look Neal shot him.

"Peter can you promise me it will get better?"

Peter frowned. "Neal, that's up to you. I promise I'll support you no matter what." He shrugged. "Best I can do" he admitted.

"That will work" Neal remarked as they listened to the intercom overhead.

"That's us." Peter put his arm around Neal and guided his friend towards the gate and finally...home.


	30. Chapter 30

NOTE: Well 30 chapters seems like a good place to stop.

Just want to thank everyone who has read this and reviewed it.

* * *

"Neal?" After knocking several times with no response, Peter used his key to enter his partner's apartment.

Panic surfaced until he heard the toilet flush and Peter sighed with relief. Minutes passed and Peter glanced at his watch, impatiently waiting for Neal to open the bathroom door.

"Sorry..." Neal mumbled as he grabbed his hat and approached the agent.

Neal looked away as Peter studied him.

"Do you feel as bad as you look?"

"Probably worse" Neal admitted. "Think...I ate something...bad" he added with a shrug.

"You ate what we ate and we're fine" Peter commented as he continued to stare at the ex-con. "OK, you got yourself a sick day..."

"Peter..."

"Neal." The agent faced him with his hands on his hips. "You know the deal. You're sick, you stay home."

"But...today's...the take down."

"And we'll do it without you." Peter reached over and felt Neal's forehead.

Neal pulled away.

You don't feel too warm" Peter remarked. "Take it easy. I'll check on you later."

Neal opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it and remained silent as he watched Peter leave. Slowly he sank to the sofa as his legs finally gave out.

* * *

After a long day and a near miss that came way too close to Peter's head, the case ended with a sure fire arrest and a man Peter had longed to get for nearly five years. As much as he wanted to go home to his wife and a night of watching the Yankees on TV, Peter knew he should check on Neal first.

Peter let himself in and quietly closed the door behind him. He checked the bedroom first hoping Neal was resting but the bed was empty and it didn't take long for him to figure out where Neal was.

"Neal, are you decent in there?"

"Define decent" Neal replied, sounding tired.

Peter peeked in, surprised to see his partner sitting on the bathroom floor, surrounded by reading material and a bottle of Gatorade.

"Too tired...to keep rushing here" Neal said before Peter could ask.

"A bucket works just fine" Peter retorted with a slight smirk.

"Not for...everything" Neal countered with a deep sigh as he tried to get comfortable on the hard floor.

"Oh." Peter grimaced knowingly. "When was the last time?"

"Maybe an hour ago" Neal answered, shrugging.

"Think you're done?"

"No clue." Neal shook his head. "Can't imagine there's...anything left."

Peter extended his hand. "Come on. Let's get you back to the sofa." Neal stared at the hand before grasping it and allowing Peter to haul him to his feet. He hung on to Peter's hand as he fought to gain his balance.

"I'm good." Neal pulled free and staggered toward the sofa with Peter shadowing him the whole way. Once Neal was sitting Peter started opening cabinets, looking for something suitable for Neal to eat.

"Elizabeth left soup...in the fridge."

Peter stared at him. "She didn't tell me she stopped by."

Neal shrugged and hunted for the remote, finally finding it between the cushions. He turned on TV and started flipping stations, settling on an old sitcom.

As the soup warmed Peter stared at the 'wall', an area near the kitchen that Neal's new therapist used for charts and pictures. Every two weeks new pictures went up with Neal dressed each day for work. Each picture was dated and Neal simply had to follow the picture in the morning, therefore allowing him to get ready for work without depending on someone else to pick out his clothes.

She did the same with breakfast and dinner and so far it seemed to be working. Alongside the pictures was a chart and each day Neal succeeded a sticker was placed in the corresponding square.

"Neal, where did the rat pack stickers from come?" Peter approached the ex-con.

"June" Neal answered as he went back to flipping stations. "Pretty lame, huh?"

Peter shrugged. "Is it working?"

Neal nodded.

"That's all that matters" Peter remarked, though inwardly he agreed with his partner. They rarely talked about it but Neal seemed happier since becoming more independent.

"Are you hungry?" Peter set the tray down and placed the bowl on the table. "Sit forward" he said and waited for Neal to comply. Neal ate a couple of spoonfuls and sat back to see how it would settle.

"Elizabeth left an overnight bag for you." Neal pointed to the corner.

Peter glanced at it and then back at Neal, who hungrily gulped down more soup.

"You're ok with that?"

"I might...have suggested it" Neal replied sheepishly as he wiped his face with a napkin. "Elizabeth doesn't know about today, does she?"

"How do you know?" Peter asked as he opened a package of crackers and took one before offering the rest to Neal.

"Diana called. She...told me to take...it easy on you."

Peter settled back in the chair. "I'm fine" he said, though it wasn't exactly the truth.

"Sure...you are" Neal remarked before he continued eating. "Just be more careful, ok?"

"OK." Peter walked backed to the kitchen and opened the fridge again, discovering a container of food Elizabeth had left for him. He warmed the chicken and vegetables in the microwave and cut a few slices of bread from a loaf sitting on the counter.

"Are you done?" Peter asked as he placed his food on the table, noticing how much soup was left. Neal shrugged but took the offered piece of bread from Peter.

"Drink some more water." Ignoring the look Neal gave him Peter held the glass out and waited for the ex-con to grab it. Satisfied, Peter sat down and started eating.

"Did you notice a whole week...of stickers?"

"I did" Peter replied as he stabbed a carrot with his fork.

"Remember what you said?"

Peter nodded.

"So?" Neal prompted.

"I don't take back promises" Peter remarked as he eyed his partner. "What do you want to do?" he asked, imagining a day spent in some museum or art exhibit.

"I want to go...fishing again."

Peter stopped chewing as he stared at Neal.

"Seriously?" he asked after swallowing.

Neal nodded. "It's not about the fish" he said as he echoed Peter's words.

"I know" Peter agreed as he offered Neal another piece of bread.

"I'm good" Neal mumbled as he stretched out on the sofa, falling asleep soon after.

Peter stifled a groan as he shut the TV off, disgusted with another Yankee lost. He glanced at Neal, who had been sleeping soundly for the past three hours. Peter reached over and lightly touched Neal's forehead, pleased that it felt cool.

Peter was tired and he didn't have the energy to rouse Neal so he found a couple of blankets in the linen closet and carefully covered his partner with one. The other he used for himself as he got as comfortable as he could in the recliner, and slowly drifted to sleep.

* * *

Peter opened his eyes to bright sunshine. He glanced at the sofa but it was empty. He looked around but there were no sign of his partner. Jumping out of the chair his eyes caught the clock and he swore; he should have been at work two hours ago. In full panic mode he noticed the balcony door half opened and he hurried that way.

"Why didn't you wake me?" he asked in a demanding tone as Neal calmly sat there nursing his coffee.

"I called...you in sick" Neal replied with a bright smile.

"You don't call me in sick."

"You did it to me."

"Different situation" Peter countered as he glared at his partner. "I've seen you go from sniffles to the ICU in a matter of hours."

"Peter, I'm stronger now and you know it." Neal poured a second cup and offered it to the agent, who refused with a wave of his hand.

"Turning down...Italian Roast" Neal said evenly. "Now you know how I feel" he added, as he placed the mug on the table. After a few minutes Peter calmed down enough to grab the mug and sip the still warm liquid, silently savoring the taste.

"You're right" Peter admitted with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I should record that" Neal remarked evenly. "Secondly, worrying about me...distracts you and that's not a good thing when chasing bad guys with guns."

Peter stared at him with a bemused look. "Where is this coming from?" he finally asked.

Neal averted his eyes, away from Peter's scrutiny.

"Neal?"

"Getting yourself killed doesn't...do me any good" Neal quietly admitted.

Peter chuckled as he watched Neal wrestle with the reality of his words.

"Is that your way of saying you need me?" Peter asked after several minutes of silence.

Finally, Neal looked up. "I didn't know I had to state the obvious." Several more silent minutes passed as Peter digested Neal's confession.

"Message received" Peter said with a mock bow before seating himself at the table.

"I take it you feel better" Peter remarked as he poured himself a second cup.

Neal nodded.

"Feel like a change of scenery?"

"What do you have in mind?" Neal asked as he leaned back in the patio chair, glancing up at the bright sun.

"Go to my place. Elizabeth has some projects she's been asking me to do and I might as well not waste a sick day if I'm not really sick."

'Sounds like a plan" Neal said as he stood. "Give me a few minutes to get ready."

"Neal?" Peter called out.

Neal turned and faced the agent.

"Are we good?"

Neal smiled. "We're more than good" he answered before walking inside.

* * *

Peter raced around the house, to ensure that everything was off and the windows were locked. He glanced at the pile of supplies and mentally checked off each item, making sure nothing was forgotten. A day of fishing had turned into a weekend camping trip to a little cabin up north.

The bell rang and Peter quickly opened the door.

"Hey Neal" Peter greeted as he glanced at the bag the ex-con was carrying. "Did you pack what I told you to bring?"

"Yes dad" Neal said with a roll of his eyes. The dog barked and Neal looked at him. "Does his bandana match your shirt?" he asked incredulously.

"El's idea" Peter quickly retorted. "And you're lucky. I stopped her from buying you a matching shirt."

"Guess I should say thank you" Neal said, chuckling.

Peter handed Neal a couple of bags and they quickly loaded the car. "So Mozzie didn't want to come?"

Neal shook his head as Peter checked the house one more time before ordering the dog into the car.

"He didn't want to ruin...our father-son bonding."

Peter raised one eyebrow. "Tell him next time he can be the quirky uncle."

Neal smiled. "But that would make him your..."

"Elizabeth's side" Peter quickly interrupted as he ushered Neal out the door.

"Gotcha" Neal said as he walked away. Peter watched as Neal wrestled the dog for the front seat and then ran back inside for the bag of snacks.

"All set?" Peter said as he slid into the car and eyed his partner.

Neal nodded and immediately began fiddling with the radio, stopping when he found a talk show he enjoyed.

"My choice on the way back" Peter remarked, an agreement they had come to while talking about the trip.

Ignoring the garbage Neal was listening to, Peter's mind wandered to an accident that seemed so long ago and a journey they had all endured to help Neal get his life back.

Peter smiled. Life would always be a battle for Neal and Peter wasn't sure what the future would bring; but for now that didn't matter.

At the moment Neal was winning his battle and he was surrounded by friends and family that would ensure he wasn't alone in his fight.


End file.
